Some help here please, how do i help he get her self esteem back?

Question

ok me and my girl had been together since 01 and things were good till she got pregnant, and she got big, i cheated on her then left her for the girl i cheated on her with, we got back together, and i cheated on her again. and i know this all sounds bad, i know it does, but i was a prick to her, i realize that now, i have cheated on her 3 times a yr for the last almost 4 yrs, and now she things its because she chubby and the other girls was all skinny and dark headed, now when i look at p**n or anything she gets up set and says see, it is my weight, and she was reading my email and she seen i went to fling.com. and she is all up set with me crying wont talk to me, so what can i do to make her see she is what i want and not anyone else. and how can i help her get her self esteem back, we have 2 kids together and i know i have made her feel bad about her self a lot she isn't the same person she use to be. and i think that's my fault and my cheating, so how can i help her gain some self esteem

Answer 1

You can't, it is irretrievably lost. You really messed her up, congratulations, this is what cheating on a woman does to her. I took back my man after he cheated on me once, this was before we had our baby, and I am very damaged from it and he could never do anything to redeem that for me. You have made her feel like a peice of garbage,like she is disposeable. She obviously has blamed herself for this and thinks that she is ugly because this happened to her. She feels like she is very unimportant to you. So these things haven't changed for me and it's been over two years since he cheated on me. I think I am worthless and unattractive and this has ruined my perspective of men to the point that he ruined me for anyone else that WOULD have me after this. It has ruined my chance at true happiness with a man forever. I have NO self esteem and no matter WHAT that won't change. I AM a different person now, and will never be the same again. You treated her like c**p and you should REALLY leave her if you think there is even a .0000000001% chance that you could cheat on her again, let her try to find true hapiness if she can now. It is all your fault, it is such a terrible thing to do and I hope the best for this women and that you get what's coming to you for this.

Answer 2

You have two children together, and she's still your "girl"?!  Make her your wife.  Justice of the Peace.  Tomorrow.

Stop looking at p**n, or if you can't stop, at least be discreet about it and don't let her find it.  (Although, a woman knows when you've been looking at p**n and doing what you do when you look at p**n.  Believe me, we really can tell.)

And, you idiot, don't go to fling.com.  You should be spending every waking moment working your butt off so you and your little family can get out of the trailor park, or your parent's basement, and improve your lives and the lives of your children.  Get your GED.  Figure out how you're going to pay for your kid's college.  Show her you're committed to her and your children.

I don't know why a woman would stick around for this, but she is, so move on from there.  

Stop worrying about her self esteem, and be a man.  That is the best advice anyone could give you.

Answer 3

so if she doesn't mind your cheating and watching p**n and searching for flings and only her weight makes her unhappy why the h**l doesn't she lose it? tell her to lose some weight and that would get her self esteem back. it won't stop u from searching for flings, but she thinks it would. but in any case losing weight is healthy. and this is wrong impression that after having kids a woman should look like a plum. she shouldn't. i have 3 kids i look better than before i had them. by going to gym every day and eating right food. u encourage her to learn how to cook and get her a gym membership.  

Answer 4

Be sure to pay her compliments out of the blue, be her support and do physical activities that she can find fun and not realize she is exerting herself, and encourage her to smile.

You should also always have a smile and a cheerful hug and kiss for her out of the blue. Just because.

Answer 5

Find her a new boyfriend, she deserves better than you  

Answer 6

that's a very difficult one. having your babies and her body of course will change and you thank her by cheating. that happens more often than needs to be, you are going to have to earn it back slowly. dont be fake and say how beautiful she is ALL the time (yes she may be) that to her is not real. each day do something nice, kind, caring and she can earn the trust back. let her know where you are. and also recommend counseling. if YOU do the leg work, she knows you are serious. so many men will not put the effort and think saying something nice and some flowers will fix it. it will take love, patience and time. Dont do it again, if you feel the need to spare her the pain and leave first.  

Answer 7

Keep your wee wee in your pants Jerk!

She just had your kids for goodness sake. You are suppose to adore and thank her for that...not say "well I will go have s*x with this girl to show you how much I don't care about my family!"

Answer 8

If you seriously want to help her it's alot easier than you think it is.

First off, no more p**n, no more fling.com type sites, no more of any of that.

Once you quit all that all you really need to do is pay attention to her. Tell her how beautiful she is, hold her, hug her, kiss her forehead, her neck, look her in the eye and tell her how much she means to you. Stroke her hair, do nice things for her. Leave her love notes, dance with her in the living room, plan a romantic evening. All really simple, easy to do things that will make her feel like she is the center of your universe.

That's all it will take.... some real affection and attention.. at first it may surprise her, but over time she will see you truly do love her just as she is and for who she is.

Answer 9

omg, well first of all, u are an As$. , how dare u cheat so many times with a woman and go on fling.com as a married man?!..so now u have a miserable girl whu u dont deserve!!.....u need to stop this!

Answer 10

i can't believe what she sees in u and still staying with u.ur an absolute jerk!

Answer 11

Do you really love her?? I mean LOVE. Why cheat on her so many time, she is hurt very bad and eating is the way she try not to depress. If you really want her back. Beg her, talk to her everyday, apologize every day, make her know you do love her, need her and you love your baby. If you don't think you can do that for her, you don't love her. So leave her, let her gain her happiness from someone who care about her.

We woman need love. Our self esteem come from our husband. And action speak louder than word. Don't tell me you love her, show her.

Answer 12

Leave her and pay for some therapy.  Let her be happy without a cheater.

There are plenty of chubby chasers out there.  She obviously doesn't have the strength to stop eating and lose some weight so there is nothing you can do you can't make her and it seems like that's her only problem.

Let her go and be someone else's problem.

Answer 13

Help her lose weight.  This way she won't be fat...that's a win for both of you.

Answer 14

This is a joke, right? You think you gonna help her get her self esteem back? Nice try, buddy.  

Answer 15

honestly its all ur fault and i cant believe shes still with u.

u need to do a lot more than watch p**n insted of going out and cheat on her.

how about trying to make her realize that she is the one you love like you say she is.

how about be romantic, tell her how beutiful she is. i dont know.

but one thing i am going to tell u, u have a lot of work to do.  

Answer 16

You need to decide if you are capable of not cheating on her, looking at p**n etc.... Your actions have caused this. I can't believe she has not left you. You show her no respect, you obviously think little of your cheating. All this are the messages you are giving her. You need to change your behavior to help her feel better if you care to or even can.

You have a cheating problem and need to know that your actions are the classic pig. Get off you high horse and show her how much you care. Put your p****r away and be a true man. I mean tat wit all sincerity.

Answer 17

leave her and let her find a real man...you aren't one.