Some help here please?

Question

Let's say you are extremely modest in all areas but all the men in your life(even the ones you never dated) have abused you in every way possible. They don't take no for an answer and they keep persisting even taking advantage of you physically.

Then you meet a guy who've you been friends with for 4 years. When you think about how he's treated you and what he's done to and for you it makes you cry. He loves and respects you as a person and a woman. He gives you space and when you say no he leaves you alone and doesn't persist. He's the first healthy relationship you've had with a guy. You are in love with him not just for this reason.

Would you tell him how you feel or would you hold this relationship sacred and refuse to risk it afraid of losing him as a friend?

He's stuck by you at your worst while most guys would have run for the hills. No matter what you said or did to him he is unconditional to you.

Your counselor tells you to not tell him your feelings because you might scare him away(you told her what you mentioned here). And to say nothing but "You're special to me".

I'm torn! I want him to know that I'm an option if he ever wants to be more than friends. Suggestions?

You guys are in your mid 20s, and single.

Answer 1

Well, hey at least your of age considering most of these questions are posed by 8th graders so that's good...ha ha....okay,well I think telling him you are special to me is a good thing to say...however there is two sides to the coin here....one is, okay, you tell him that he is special... and leave it at that,of course there will always be that part of you wondering what if........two,you tell him how you feel...now is where it is like a catch-22.....okay after you tell him he could reciprocate by telling you he feels the same way and then bam there you go....however,he could tell you he doesn't think it is a good idea and he wants to remain friends....either way you would know...then you have to also think about the future....remember a lot of times going BACK to being friends is pretty much an impossibility so you would have to base your decision carefully on all that. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

WOW..you have some issues and need to take care of them before giving them to some man.

I agree with your counselor...keep your baggage to yourself and work on it.  It is YOUR problem....and you are in therapy for a reason.  You need to grow emotionally and learn to handle and make good choices.  For some reasons you are not able to handle men and let them take advantage of you and you make yourself a victim and not a survivor all the time.  You have to learn WHY you have such unhealthy relationships  before you try to have one now.  You are too vulnerable and transfer your feelings to someone who is good to you and you don't even know if he feels the same way.  I would not risk it right now.  if it is meant to be it will be...but do not intiate it until you get yourself straightened out.

He sounds too good to be true...or you are putting him on a pedestal and making him perfect.  There has to be something wrong with him...there is with EVERYONE!  Are you seeing that too?  If not you still need work as you are seeing life through rose colored glasses.

He might treat you better than anyone else...but get to know him well...and listen to your counselor.  She/HE knows what they are talking about.

Answer 3

Not in mid 20s any more... but been there ;)

I'd say go for it, of course go slowly until you see how he responds.

With men it's somewhat easier - most men won't have a problem with upgrading relationship from "friend" to "something more". It's more of a problem with women - if they think of some man as a friend, it's rather unlikely that they'll ever think differently, but men aren't like that.

That is, of course, that the girl/friend does have such qualities that he is anyway looking for in a romantic relationship... if she doesn't have what he wants, or if she has something that makes him not want her as more than a friend, that's different.

But if they were friends (and not more than friends) simply due to situation and circumstances, assuming he is free at the moment, a man will rarely make a problem out of it.

Assuming you say it to him in a normal way, if he is a normal man, you won't scare him away. That being said, your counselor knows you face-to-face, which is 1000 times better than I can know you from a short post on Yahoo.

If I were you, assuming there are no obvious things against it... I'd try. That doesn't guarantee success, of course. But not even trying... that almost guarantees that you'll be sorry.

Answer 4

Of course you can tell him how you feel. Maybe dont be creepy about it but let him know that he means something really special to you. you could say something like - i have a lot of trouble trusting guys an dhave been treated badly before - but i trust you so much, and you treat me better than anyone ever has... sorta thing. Just let him know how high above anyone else you hold him.

Answer 5

Lighten up. Go out for coffee. See a movie this weekend and grab a pizza too. Over time you can declare your love but for now take it easy and lay off the confessions. Stop being such a drama queen.

I think your response to that one answer was so over the top that you need to do a gut check. Look at yourself more closely and ask why all the drama in your life?

Answer 6

do what your heart says... cuz that is the best guide to follow

Answer 7

do what you want

Answer 8

Your counselor is being unprofessional in telling you what to do or not to do, they aren't there to make your decisions for you.

If it's right for you, it's right for you. And what's the worst thing that can happen? If he's so supportive towards you he sounds like a wonderful man, and not the type of person who would throw it back in your face or let it ruin things.

Trust your instincts and good luck. X

Answer 9

Well, your school counselor is full of c**p. Just Sayin... Tell him that you like him more than friends, and just so he knows that the option is open... And if he like you, be SURE that he knows that if It doesn't work out between you two, than you still want to remain friends with him... Be SURE that he understands that!

Answer 10

ask him out