Question:

Some help on problems with my mom please

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My mom is a great mom, to rid anyone from thinking this is gonna be a rant about how mean she is to me.

The problem is my mom doesn't take care of herself. We don't have any money problems so I don't see why she is the way she is. She never buys herself new clothes, quality makeup, perfumes, or anything she likes. Every time I tell her to get something I see her eying up she says there's other things the money should go to. As if we're hard on cash. So I opt to put clothes back that equal up to same amount as say a pair of pants she wants and she still refuses until I say I'm not getting anything if she doesn't get them.

She make $13.50 an hour and gets around $600-$700 depending on the hours and my step dad works for a steel mill and makes at least $900 a week. However he's the type who act like we're going bankrupt even though he's loaded and we're financial fine unless its something he want. So when I tried to get him to take her shopping I got blown off with a "I pay the bills" speech.

I recently got my drivers license and 2 jobs. One with set hours my best friend got me at her dads restaurant and the other when they call me when they need me with my oldest brother. I get around $500 depending on the 2nd job but I put at least $200 away because after high school I want to study abroad in Europe. I got the jobs partly because I have expensive taste [not purposely, I'm not "it has to be name brand" i just have the luck of liking something without looking at the price tag and it turns out to expensive] and partly so my mom wont have to buy it for me. Now I lie to my mom. When I go shopping with friends I'll buy a couple things I'd think she'd like [Everyone knows I wear what I like so its not like I cause any suspicion] and then tell her I thought they'd shrink in the wash but now they're too big and she can have them. Or when I buy makeup I buy 2 of each, hide one and tell here that they're the old ones and I bought new makeup. With perfume I will say something like "i'm tired of this smell".

Now my mom takes this as me being shallow and ungrateful and constantly nags on me about how I need to learn the value of a dollar and stop being superficial. I still do it even though now we argue and tell her if she doesn't take it it's going in the trash because I know she is not a wasteful person, but now she thinks I am.

Ever sense I've been doing this I've noticed she seems to take more pride in the way she looks and seems more positive about herself. She's been through a lot with my real dad and her parents so I figure she deserves it and its worth her starting to not like me so much.

It does bother me though that she thinks of me this way and no matter what I tell her she wont indulge a little on things she wants. I don’t want my mom to not like me but I also don’t want her to go back to not liking herself.

I know this was long, but anyone have some advice?

Thanks

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4 ANSWERS


  1. I know you only want what is best for your mom and you are wonderful for thinking so much of her.

    Life is made up of choices and she has made hers. She is living those choices. She can change it any time she wants to.

    I am a lot like her. I can have anything I want - but the things that are most important to me can't be bought in a store.

    She knows when you are giving her things that are new, she knows you are buying clothes for her and not yourself.

    She wants you to save your money for the things you want and not on her.

    Try making her birthday, christmas and things like that very special with the things you want to give her. The rest of the time save your money.

    No matter what you decide - your mother loves you very much. nothing changes that.


  2. Sounds like you really need a heart to heart with your mom.I am a mom with three kids and I find it hard for even me to buy something I like cause it makes me feel really guilty even though I have everything done for them. I feel like I am taking away from them. So maybe she feels the same as I do but you need to set her down and talk to her .Use what you wrote here.It might help .Tell her that you are just trying to help her and not what she thinks.

  3. That's great that you're willing to go through all that for your mom. Bravo for doing your best to help her. I'm sorry she thinks of you that way though. I really don't know what advice to give you, other than tell her. Of course she may not believe you or she might become more depressed, so that might not be the best option.  

  4. Take her on a shopping trip. Frequently make comments like, "Sometimes you have to just, spoil yourself."

    Maybe she just wants to save up for something? Ask her what she'd buy if she had $20.000.

    Have more girly nights in, or out.  

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