Some men just want to watch the world burn (serious answers ONLY) ?

Question

I start this question with a quote from

the dark knight

to better explain my view on life at the moment

(some men just want to watch the world burn)

Ok basically i grew up in a **** life, my dad divorced my mom when i was 7 and i never saw him again, i was bullied and harrassed most of my life for being different and the fact i had an accent in my voice, while i understand alot of that is what kids go thru in high school

my harrassment with my voice started when i ws 17 or so and kept on

only it was the people that i thought wer my only FRIENDS who wer really making me the joke of the entire town, i ws afraid to speak sometimes for fear of getting laughed at so much, and eventually the people i thought wer my friends told me i was never really their friend i was just a joke to them.

skip forward a few years

while i dont speak to any of those people anymore

the scars still remain

i was always told i ws never good enough

too ugly to date by the girls in my school

and voted most ugly on my bus as a senior

nd basically

the only escape i found was in underground punk music

the anger and aggression ws the only thing i felt i could relate to

about hating the world you live in

and wanting to lash out.

Im 22 and in college now

going to the community school in my town

yet the bad thing with this is

it is basically the same **** different school

going thru this for years

really has made me not trust alot of people

i feel always on guard

ready to fight anyone

much like (while i know not as dramatic)

a soldier has a culture shock from coming back from a war zone to here.

basically now though

while i try to be most passive when encountering people

i still deep inside feel the need to want to make the rest of the world suffer the way emotionally i had to

i have tried anger classes and books on self help

but at the moment cant get insurance or pay the bill to see a therapist

i was at a cousins wedding a few days ago

i saw a beautiful girl, but all i felt as the night progressed is that i am not good enough and that i simply wanted to hurt her, not physically but emotionally even though i didnt know her

simply because i was attracted to her yet felt i was not good enough and felt she was probalby laughing at me all along

i am like this with alot of girls i find attractive

which is why

i try my best to not think about relationships

or dating or anything of that nature.

it seems the only people i can stand or feel comforatble around

is the young and the old

aside from work i volunteer at a retirement home

and work with big brothers big sisters

helping with a bunch of inner city kids

trying to help them learn to put their differences aside and not end up the way i did

does anyone have any suggestions or ideas

on what i can do to not want to judge and ridicual people i dont know simply because i may be envious of them

Answer 1

Here is a quote for you: "By giving love you will be showered by love in return. Love is to see good in all things."

Part of our problem as humans is that we see only the outside of a person and figure that since the person looks shiny and new they are OK inside. However, the inside can be severely crippled without us knowing it. The people who did this to you as a child were crippled by whatever life experiences told them to bully and pick on you. The only way I can see to help you is to impress on you that they are the ones who demonstrated ugliness in their behaviors. They hurt you with their ugly, that in turn manifested inside of you as ugly.

I have never seen an ugly person before, I have only seen people who are hurt, sad and hold self hatred inside.This comes across quite loudly in how they are seen. People may interpret this as a person being ugly, but when that person develops self love and confidence people no longer see ugly when they look at them.

I guess what I am saying is you are not ugly, you are just a harmed soul that has lost self confidence from childhood. You need to rethink who you are, find ways to love yourself...even to the point of looking in the mirror and smiling at yourself as often as possible. You do many things for others and this is "gold" for the soul.

Try to forgive the people who made you feel less (they are less and crippled). Try and remember that the girl you thought was beautiful did not actually say or do the things you imagined and that you are holding this agianst her unjustly. Also remember that really beautiful women report that they are hardly ever asked out because guys feel they are not good enough. Remind yourself that at the age of 22 years people are finally adults and are less likely to behave in the imature ways the students in your class did.

Peace...life is good

Answer 2

I feel that you may need some serious help (I am not judging you, but this seems quite real to me and as if it may become out of your control soon). One of my recent research essays was written about sadistic behaviour, and one of the main reasons that people become a s****t is because they feel unlovable themselves. Is there any community councelling places that you can attend?

Answer 3

Hiya sweetie, wow u been through alot & 4 that i'm sorry, I kinda know how u feel..been through a similar well, bull****! But the criticism came from home (step-father) horrible person. Anyway, I'm different now, it happened slowly.. but thank god it happened! I finally looked at myself , my true self...& thought ya know I'm really not that bad & just because u were treated badly in the past, don't let it ruin ur present or future..ur better than that, how do I know? Well u said u like very young & very old people...that tells me that u do indeed have a nuturing nature about u. Start slow & become friends with a girl ( nothing serious, don't leap in!) Let her show u how she sees u, if u feel a need 2 hurt her, then pull away slightly...say ur tired or busy, but sound nice about it, then when the negative feeling subsides, call her, text, whatever & start again...tell her what u like about her & ask her what she likes about u...u probly have wonderful qualities that ur oblivious 2!  Please don't let others define u, mame u of ur self worth...u will end up unknowingly give them the power to rob u of a life of happiness, everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone has their own horror stories of life..but babe life can be so great & u gotta just let go, let go of all the bad stuff & fill ur life with great stuff. I beg u..please try, I did & was amazed, I won't lie..it's not gonna be easy..but I promise It will be worth it!

                      Take Care & Good Luck!!!!!!

Answer 4

dude, you just sounded like me. "the closer two beings come to each other, the more likely they are to hurt one another; however if they remain apart, they will each feel the pain of loneliness." - quote. its better to be lonely than to be hurt

i also think cause of your personality you might have a schizoid,schizotypical, avoidant and/ or borderline personality disorders. this personality disorders are untreatable and lasts for a lifetime

email me @ [e-mail] if you wanna ask somethin, i wont judge im glad to find someone that actually experiences and understands my past.

Answer 5

Join the Marines.  Bush will most definitely help you see the world burn.

Seriously though, I don't know how to help you man.  I wish like h**l I did.  I've got a similar past and a lot of the same problems.  Sorry.  The background for my avatar is h**l for a reason.  :-)

Answer 6

write a long, long letter about everything you are feeling.  every detail about everything that makes you sad or angry. I mean absolutely everything that you don't ever want anyone to read. Put all of your emotions on paper in a formal letter. If you want, address it to your dad because from what I have read, the problems started with him (i'm not blaming him).

Then once you have printed off your letter. wrote 'to dad' or whatever. Chuck it into the fireplace or burn it somehow.

This may seem like BS to you, but trust me it works, I tell patients to do it all the time.