Some more opinions on some more poetry?

Question

do you hear my thoughts when you press your ear against my head?

are you trying to remember what i can't forget?

can you feel what i feel when you place your hand above my heart?

does that pain feel heavy in your throat?

opinions on this little thing i wrote here?

i'm not completely done or anything.

Answer 1

i like it

Answer 2

It could use a little work but overall I well, love it! XD you should feel so honored right now....I don't know why though....

Answer 3

I think you've already got a poem on your hands...if you'd formatted your poem differently...it might already "look" complete...like this:

How do you feel?  (I know, you didn't have a title, but this seemed to fit)

Do you hear my thoughts when you

press your ear against my head?

Are you trying to remember

what I can't forget?

Can you feel what I feel when you

place your hand above my heart?

Does that pain feel heavy

In your guilty throat?

(yes, I added "guilty" because it seem implied anyway and it filled in the missing beats for that line)

See what I mean?  You already have enough "poem" there to create an image of what's going on without having to say another word...and that is what poetry's all about.

nicely done...keep writing

Answer 4

polish it up

cause i really like where you're going.