Some questions on adoption?

Question

my boss found out a few years ago that she couldnt have kids and has had several surgeries to try and fix this problem but it still hasnt worked the dr suggested planting the eggs but her chances are slim, she owns her own company and has the money to adopt but she dosent want to wait the seven year they told her she would have to, she dosent care if it is open or closed and is willing to pay the price but we live in utah and it just seem that she is out of options other then to wait. but they have already been at this for about 8-10 years and just cant stand it anymore, and her husband is just so willing to do anything that when you talk to them you almost want to cry. i dont think i know anybody that deserves a child more then them, so is there anything that they can do to try and speed things up? she is running out of faith slowly but it is still going. if you have any ideas please let me know so i can help her, and remember we live in utah, yeaaaa. and thanks in advance!

Answer 1

Sounds like they have tried everything.  Fostering a child who is already here is their best bet.  I do not understand what living in an isolated area has to do with their inability to adopt a foster child.  Lots of children grow up in isolated areas.

Why do they deserve a child more that anyone?  Because they have more money than you do?  Do you think that they deserve a child more than you do?  By sharing all of these traumatic details with you, I suspect that your boss is trying to elicit your sympathy to make you think that you have some sort of obligation to them.  Like giving them your baby or convincing you to bear a baby for them.  They sound desperate and manipulative.  I would try to distance myself from them if I were you.

Answer 2

wish you the best

Answer 3

With all due resepct, it really sounds like they're looking into adoption for the wrong reasons. Adoption isn't here to fullfill the wants and needs of infertile couples. Adoption is here to help children who need homes, find them.

When children are available for adoption, it means that they've gone through at least ONE life changing traumatic experience and they need the focus to be on them and their development. Not on the needs of the parents who have always wanted a baby and have been desperate to get one any way they can. In situations like that, the adoptees feelings and experience is often overlooked and he/she becomes the "bandaid" to the emotionally unstable adoptive parents.

I mean this in a respectful way.

Your friends sound like really great people. There are over 100,000 children who are available at little to no cost, alot sooner than 8 years in the foster care system. They NEED homes.

The problem with the adoption industry is that there are MANY people in the same situation as your friends, and since agencies feed into their "infertiliy" as a solution to adoption a great number of adoptees and their emotional stability have been overlooked.

The adoption industry was originally based on providing homes for children who need them, not children to people who want to be parents.

Good luck to your friends.

Answer 4

There are a number of red flags in the story you've presented. First of all, why is your boss telling you all this? Second, you say it's only been a few years, and yet they've already tried surgeries (plural), finding a surrogate, and fostering, and none of those (in the space of only a few years) has worked out. Third, she lives more than 300 miles from the nearest mall: raising a child would be unusually difficult in such a remote spot.

I spent 15 years dealing with the negative emotions of being infertile before I finally faced my situation and came to understand that it was what it was. A person GAINS faith when they accept what God has given them. As long as they fight against it, wanting what they want against the reality in front of them, they do NOT have faith. They have desires. That's not the same thing.

Maybe it's time for your boss and her husband to start living their life together as a husband and wife instead of constantly yearning for something that God does not seem to have in store for them. It's OK to not have children. It's not the end of the world, unless you make it so in your own mind. Believe me, I've been there, I know.

Answer 5

My sympathy to your boss. I hope she treats you well as an employee, you seem to be very compassionate and kind. The best thing to do is pray, pray and pray some more, because God is good! Somewhere there is a child that will fit perfectly in their lives...Even though we may think we are ready for a child, God's plan. though sometimes very frustrating, is always best. Keep the faith!

When I was 5 years old I wanted a little brother so bad! I used to pray every night for a little brother and when I was almost 12 years old my mom told me she was pregnant. I was excited!!!!

Well my little brother is now 10 years old and I know that if it weren't for my little brother, who looked up to me everyday, during my teen years, I would have gotten into so much trouble. But I didn't follow what my friends did I didn't do drugs I wasn't disrespectful to my mom because I had to set an example.  See God knew how much I wanted a younger sibling and even though I prayed since I was 5 and it took a while for him to get here, God put him here at the perfect time! Had he came right away, chances are we would have been close in age but not to close as siblings....

My point Gods timing is perfect, though we may hate the wait, you just gotta keep your faith. I'll keep your boss in my prayers. God bless!

Answer 6

My uncle and auntie are both in their mid 40s and it took them about 2 yrs but they now have a boy and girl that they have adopted, it was worth the wait for them.

Answer 7

Well then, why don't you make one for her?

ETA: Your e-mail, " i have thought about that but the problem is IM ALREADY PREGNANT"

So why don't you give her YOUR baby?  See, in order for your boss to get an infant, a family has to LOSE an infant.

I also think your boss is acting in a highly unprofessional manner sharing her infertility/adoption issues with you.  If she feels the need to burden her employees with her personal problems, she really needs some therapy.

Answer 8

They should contact an adoption agency.  Becoming a  parent through adoption or biologically-however, it's stressful and wonderful.

Answer 9

Tried to email you, but you don't allow email. I might have some information for you, but I won't post because I don't feel like dealing with nasty comments today.

If you are interested, email me.

EDIT:

Sent you a message, let me know if you received it

Answer 10

who says they need to wait 7 years? they could go over seas... My folks run crisis pregnancy centers and we do adoptions. Email me your email address and if someone comes up I can let you know.

Answer 11

I'm sorry that your boss cannot have a child.  I, too, am infertile and understand the pain that can bring.  However, no one "deserves" a child.  Adoption is about finding homes for children who no longer have legal families, rather than finding children for people who want children.  

That said, there are over 120,000 children in foster care who are exactly in the position of having no legal families.  These are the children about whom adoption was instituted.  Your boss and her husband can contact their county's department of children's services (or equivalent) to find out more about foster-adoption.

By the way, I know what you mean about Utah.  Several agencies in Utah have experienced legal problem because they have circumvented fathers' rights in an attempt to have children adopted out when the fathers wanted to parent the children.

Answer 12

I hope your boss is able to accept her situation and get over it.  Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

Answer 13

Hello,

Have they thought about going over seas to adopt?  I know there are alot of children here in the states that need homes but they may get a little one faster over seas, maybe i dont know. Or do they want a baby or are they willing to take an older child? I know there are lots of older children that need homes , maybe if they are willing they can adopt and older child and then their hearts and home will be filled? best of luck!

Answer 14

I don't think your boss has done enough research. In addition to foster adoption and International adoption, I don't think that the average wait time on domestic adoptions is 8 years. I would suggest that your friends trying looking into it more carefully.

Also - fyi - there are a lot of very anti-adoption folks on the boards, so don't be shocked by the responses.