Somebody tell me a good joke, and..?

Question

you get 10 points

rules are simple:

1. the shorter the better

2. keep it clean and decent

Answer 1

Wow, lots of needy people do come to this website. Some one should give them a hug or something.

Answer 2

A student raised his hand for the bathroom. The teacher said you can recite the ABC's then you may go. He said, ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO_QRSTUVWXY, AND Z. Teacher said what happen to the P. Student said it dribble down my leg. LMAO!

Answer 3

Alzheimer's Disease

There was an old lady in a retirement home who had a bad case of Alzheimer's Disease; sometimes she could barely remember anything. One day her eldest son came to visit her. "Do you know my name?" he asked.

She looked at him and replied, "No, sonny, I'm sorry, I sure don't."

Later that day he came back to see if her memory had improved. When she saw him she asked, "Hello, sonny. Did you ever find out what your name was?"

Answer 4

a man walks in a bar and orders a drink he says to the bartender i bet u $200 i can get that girl over there to give me her number and walk out of here with me the bartender says no way that girls high class your on the guy goes over to the girl gets her number and walks out.

A week later the same guy walks in a bar and says to the bartender i bet you $300 i can get that lady to give me her number and walk out with her the bartender says na your to young the guy walks to the lady gets her number and walks out.

Two days later that same guy walks into the bar the bartender says get out don't come in my bar no more i lost $500 because of you come in my bar again and i'll shoot you so the guy leaves

A month later the guy walks in the bar and gets a drink the bartender says u look like somone the guys says no no then he say i'll make you a bet the bartender says yea get out i'm going to shoot you i know who you are the guy says no no no i'm giving you a chance to get all your money back the bar tender says ok but if i don't get my money back your dead the guys says you will.

I bet you i can pis from across the room into a shot glass the bartender says yea right no way can you do that your on so the guy walks arcoss the room and get p**s every where one the customers on the bartender everywhere but not a drop in the shotglass

the bartenders excited he gets $500 from this guy.

So the guy gives the bartender $500 dollars and is smiling the bartender say why are you smiling you just lost $500 in one night the guys says i'm smiling becasue i bet a couple guys outside $1,000

that i can walk in your bar and pis everywhere even on the costomers and walk out smiling  (lol)

Answer 5

First of all, have a big hug:- O

A man is out driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, the cops pull him over. The policeman walks up to the man and asks, “Have you been drinking, sir?”

“Why? Was I weaving all over the road?” the man answered.

“No,” replied the policeman, “you were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away.”

Answer 6

An old lady went to the store to buy some food for her dog. Upon reaching the check-out, the clerk told her "I'm sorry ma'am, but the store manager heard that many old ladies on limited incomes buy dog food and eat it themselves. We now have a policy - if you want to buy dog food, you have to show us your dog."

Annoyed, the lady went home, got her faithful Fido, and returned to the store, where they sold her the dog food without question.

The next day, she returned to the store to buy cat food. Again, she's reproached by the cashier: "I'm sorry ma'am, but the store manager heard that many old ladies on limited incomes buy cat food and eat it themselves. We now have a policy - if you want to buy cat food, you have to show us your cat."

Frustrated, the woman stormed home, retrieved her precious fluffy and returned to the store, where she was sold her cat food without further incident.

The next day, the woman returned to the store and strode right up to the cashier with a box in her hand.

"Put your hand in this box," she told the puzzled clerk.

"What's in it?" the clerk asked.

"Just put your hand in here," the lady said.

"No, there's probably something in there that will bite me"

"Nothing will bite you, I promise."

Reluctantly, the clerk put her hand in the box, felt the contents, pulled them out to examine them and let out a scream. Smiling, the old lady asked "now, may I please buy some toilet paper?"

Answer 7

lol

Answer 8

Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh!!

Answer 9

Why did the blonde run outside her house to check the mailbox every 2 minutes?

Because her computer insisted that she's got mail.

I don't know many short jokes other than blonde jokes, sorry xD enjoy!

Answer 10

NOT SHORT, BUT FUNNY!!

Memory's Going

An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

"No, I can remember that."

"Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said.

"I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He went into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast."

Answer 11

there was a murder and the police found 3 men unable to speak english. guy #1 could only say 'forks and spoons, forks and spoons'. guy #2 could only say' goody-goody gumdrops'. and guy #3 could only say 'plug it in, plug it in'.

so the police started questioning them. they asked guy #1 " what did you kill this guy with?" and guy #1 said " forks and spoons, forks and spoons.

they went to guy #2 and told him " you could go to jail for this" and guy #2 said " goody-goody gumdrops"

they finally went to guy #3 and said " you could even get put in the electric chair ". and guy #3 said " plug it in, plug it in".

Answer 12

A teacher was teaching math in kindergarten class.  She said, "Johny, do you know your numbers?"  Johny replied, "Yes, I do, my dad taught them to me."  So the teacher asked, "What comes after 5?"  Johny said, "6".  What comes after 7?  Asked the teacher, and Johny answered "8".  The teacher said to Johny, "Wow I am impressed, your dad did a good job teaching you numbers.  Tell me what comes after 10?"

Johny said, "Jack."