Someone PLEASE tell me a good joke!?

Question

I'm in need of laughter... please share ur jokes with me.....

Answer 1

if girls with big b***s work at hooters, where do girls with one leg work?

IHOP

Answer 2

momma tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato are all waking down the street.  baby tomato starts laggin behind so daddy tomato goes back, squishes him and says catch up. (ketchup)

-pulp fiction.

Answer 3

hmmm

Answer 4

Smart politician

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.

After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

Answer 5

you hear about the new restraunt on the moon?

reviews say the food is fantastic...but theres no atmosphere!

Answer 6

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow that is one ugly baby."

The woman deeply hurt just continued on the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asks "What's wrong you look mad?"

She replied "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him." the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take down his badge number and report him.

"You're right sir I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."

Answer 7

Little Johnny walks into his first day of school and his teachers immediately approaches him and says

"Johnny, I talked to your father today, and he says you like to gamble. It may seem fun, but it isn't so fun when you start to lose."

Johnny doesn't address what she said, but instead says

"I'll bet you 20 bucks you have a mole on your ***".

The teacher, thinking this will break his habit, pulls up her skirt, revealing no mole. Johnny hands her 20 dollars, and walks away, seemingly broken of gambling. After school, the teachers calls Johnny's dad again.

"I think I broke Johnny's gambling habit, he bet me 20 dollars that I had a mole on my butt, and of course I don't."

The dad laughs then says

"No you didnt, because this morning before school he bet me 200 dollars he would see your *** by the end of the day"

Answer 8

This guy told me this at work, Why did God give blondes one more brain cell than he gave horses?   So they won't c**p in the middle of the road in the middle of a parade. I thought it was funny coz I was born blonde, but now I am a red head. He has a little blonde fixation. He also told me another one, What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?   Pregnant.  It's funny, if you're not blonde. LOL! The only other one I know is a dirty one. I can't write it down, too many younginz on Yahoo answers.

Answer 9

I made it up so....(it took me 2 min)

a mom goes to the police with her child to find her missing husband

mom -sir im trying to find my husband

officer -discriptions?

mom -well he has brown hair,stronge muscles,abs,good looking jaw,grey eyes...(all hot discriptions)

boy -mom thats not how dad looks like!!!

mom -shut up son

Answer 10

A mother took her five-year-old son with her

to the bank on a busy lunchtime.

They got behind a very fat woman wearing a

business suit complete with pager.

As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly,

"Gee, she's fat!"

The mother bent down and whispered in

the little boys ear to be quiet.

A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread

his hands as far as they would go and announced;

"I'll bet her butt is this wide!"

The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.

The mother gave him a good telling off,

and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull,the large woman reached the front of the line.

Just then, her pager began to emit a

beep, beep, beep.

The little boy yells out,

"Run for your life, she's backing up!!

Answer 11

a niga and jew and white and g*y walk into a bar........................................ they all die.... exept for the black person cuz then dat would be racist.... u betta favroite this plz im black

Answer 12

little boy: "mother, why did you name me leaf?"

mom" because son, when you were a baby a leaf fell on your head"

other son: (shouting like a r****d "hyharhyhy"

mom: "SHUT UP BRICK"

Answer 13

panda walked into a bar

he ordered beer, drank it , tuk out a shotgun, n start firin madly.then, he just left.

fr 3-4 days, d same thing happened.

once, barternder gathered courage 2 ask him why he did dat.

he just replied, "luk my name up in d dictionary".

bartender luked, n it was written " terrestrial animal which eats shoots and leaves"

Answer 14

ok so a pirate walk into a bar with a steering wheel up his crotch and the bar tender looks at him and says "do you know that you have a steering wheel up your crotch" and the pirate says "aye, it drives me nuts" lol

Answer 15

what are the two sexiest farm animals?

brown chicken brown cow

(brownchickenbrowncow!)

Answer 16

What do you get when you cross a Rhino and a helicopter?

A h**l-if-I-know.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:D

Answer 17

whats up?

(looks up) the cieling

(sigh)

i know.. its lame

Answer 18

I R NOT JOKE MACHINE!

Answer 19

A horse walks into a bar.  The bartender says, "Hey pal, why the long face?"

Answer 20

a patient is lying in bed with an oxygen mask on and mumbles to the nurse "are my testicles black" the nurse replies "what" the patient repeats "are my testicles black" so the nurse lifts up the blanket and picks up his testicles to have a good look and replies "no there’re not" the patient takes off the oxygen mask and says "that was very nice but are my test results back"

Answer 21

Spell IHOP Then add ness after it.

Answer 22

seaweedles

Answer 23

Why did the chicken cross the road?