Someone give me reason to forget my past?!?

Question

i've just posted one before this about my ex boyfriend killing himself and the guilt being left on me :( i feel so alone! i have lost so many people in my life! my 14 year old cousin come to me for help, he got caught selling cocaine and also taking it, he got in a fight with an officer and he came to me for help. i told shouted at him a few days later after letting him stay at mine (i live with 4 friends) and he ran off, he got caught by the police in the end as he went to my college to see a friend of mine (which annoyed me as my friend was going to let him stay at his, when i was trying to make him see sense that he cannot run forever!) and he got put into youth offenders and he ended up killing himself! it was horrible! when i was in school, i was 15 and i got a text on my phone from my auntie saying that my cousin (her son) was in a coma after an overdose :( it broke my heart as he was so young! he had just lost his dad and i lost my uncle and it was a hard time for all of us but when he died, his mum (my auntie) went mad at me saying i should of been there for him when he came to me :( but the only reason he came to me we cos she kicked him out, he was 14! she told me i wasn't allowed to his funeral as i wasn't there for him when he needed me so i shouldn't be welcome but i went as i love him and she said to me "it should be you in that box there, not my son! he had people who loved him, you have no-one" and this was in-front of everyone. i feel like dying because that is all i think about, everyone blames me for the people around me dying. my mum and dad blamed me for my ex boyfriends death, as well as all his friends did and my auntie blamed me for my cousins death. i feel so alone, i feel like i really shouldn't be here, i feel like all i do is upset people. how can i get past this? i want to be happy :( i haven't been happy since summer 2006! i'm in love and he don't want to know either anymore :(

Answer 1

First of all, don't feel bad for yourself. You didn't kill him. Second, don't forget the past. It makes you, you. Just learn from it. Become better. I'll never forget my past, it made me the strong independent person I am today.

Answer 2

Please stop blaming yourself.  You did nothing wrong and your aunt was completely in the wrong saying the things she did.  She was his mother and it should have been HER that was there for him.  Sounds like she wasn't a loving mother when she threw him out at 14!!!

Answer 3

1st move someplace where no one knows you and dumps on you for their problems.  Your family sounds like a bunch of losers.  There is no reason to stay there.  cut off all contact with them.

2nd, people who kill themselves were NOT thinking about you when they did it.

3rd, check with some kind of mental health pro and try to figure out why you are attracted to these types of losers who go around killing themselves.  Then stop doing it.  

Answer 4

You need to forget your past because it is hurting you, and preventing you from making a future for yourself.

So things were bad in the past, and mistakes were made.  That's okay.  Everyone goes through rough times and makes bad choices - it's okay to mess up as long as you learn from it.  

So people were mean to you - that's their problem, not yours.  You don't have to keep toxic people in your life, or let their opinions determine your actions.

Focus on your future, not your past.  Write out some goals for your future, and then some activities on how to reach those goals.  Interview some therapists, and then pick the one that can help you deal with your self-esteem and other issues.