Someone help and advice please!?!?

Question

I have been in a 4 year relationship with this so called "woman of my dreams" , we have a three year old son together and lived together and shared our dreams and hopes together. Back in april, she acted ambivelent and nasty and eventually led a breakup in the end of april. She told she wanted freedom and explore New York City. I was devastated, upset, confused and everything else. She moved out pretty quickly and was just cruel and heartless. After friends have told me that by the speed of her move, you might wanna consider a third party. two weeks later, i went through her t-mobile plan, and i found out she was talking to a japanese guy since March, this guy she has met since Feb. I was upset, i was shocked and could'nt believe it. There were period of time when i was comparing myself to him and why she choose him and i guess she thinks he's more ïnteresting" That's unfair, i am younger and i wanted a stable life for all of us, i could've travel the world and played guitar and dance if i wanted to, but we had a kid. I went through so much pain and it is so unbearable. She showed up with him a couple of weeks ago to pick up my son. How can someone do this and hurt people like this? I've been in my house taking care of my son almost the entire summer. Cried and thought A LOT about what happened. It's as if our relationship never existed for her. My son and me don't deserve this, this is not the way my family should've went. I don't think i'll ever forget this. Now i am just trying to live everyday knowing this, how things have changed. It'll never be the same again :(. Can someone just help with a few words on moving on and advices on how to live life and hope again?

Another thing, what if she gets married to this kid, i would be so heartbroken, or am i just paranoid, i have a feeling she'll do that but why, im so confused. What a nightmare?!

Answer 1

First off why does she get to play and you have the child 24/7. You need to make her be a mother so you can live too. Be glad you found out about her now instead of a few kids later. She is a selfish ugly woman. Be grateful she is his problem now. You may need counseling to get over such evilness. Just be glad you are rid of her, you deserve better. Good luck.

Answer 2

WOW.

****sound of "chopsticks" playing****

I can't understand why the h**l she would pick a Japanese guy!

Answer 3

I think that you should thank God that you didn't marry her and invest more in this relationship.  I am sure looking back now you can see some signs of when things started going wrong.  Find the lesson that you think God is trying to teach you and focus on being grateful that is wasn't worst.  You are still young start dancing again, and embrace yourself in the music.  I know that you are okay now but you'll be on top one day soon.

Answer 4

Take it a day at a time brother,  her "Picking" him over you isnt the case..  She did it because she wanted to.  Your need to take some time away from your son and explore yourself.  Go clubbing, flirt, get out and stop sitting at the house.  I know you have responsibilities for your son but think of his reaction to this.  He does not want to see his daddy crying and sad all the time..  Get out and experience the world.  Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I'm sorry that that happened to you, maybe she was just worried that you two were not going to go any where, or maybe she was just afraid of commitment. when she started talking to this guy she started to think , "what about my life? have i really done anything that i have wanted?" maybe the guy was offering her, (i hate to say it) more than you were, you need to start to think, "ok, where is my life headed if hers is going that way? what can i do? is there any hope me to find a new love in the future?" when i got over 1/2 of my ex's i just looked at the brightness, not the past, but the future, every day is worth living and you deserve to live it, don't give up your kid, but show him that life is worth living, go to a chat room or find a new girl tell her what you have been through and she will understand and she will make up her mind there. you just need to stop thinking about the past, and imagine the future, that's all that matters now:) good luck:) i hope that i helped:)

Answer 6

OMG i hope you didn't give her the kid, if she left that's abandonment.

the day she left you should have, got an attorney, and gotten full custody for your son.

this is heartless, and she should be held to her actions.

its hard at first but you will get over it with the help and love of your son.

good luck my good man and dont let her get your son

Answer 7

everyday you get up and look at your son, he should be your motivation, and inspiration for moving forward, and giving him the best of your love, great morals, teach him while he is young, show him pictures of his mom, don't say anything negative, when he gets older, explain, it to him in the most positive and simplest way.

but you just continue to give him unconditional love and support, make him keep all of your memories in his heart.

you will be just fine, and when the right woman comes along, she will know how great of a guy/father you are, be patient,keep us posted.{hugs}smile

Answer 8

man i went thru the exact same thing! the best advice i can give you is to take sometime to yourself and stop trying to make since of it because it will never make since to you, so you have to move on man. start dating start going out get your life back cut off any and all contact with her man. and i would of lost my cool and  whooped her *** for bringing dude to my house. but that's just me.

Answer 9

You keep posting this question so clearly you are consumed with grief and wallowing in self pity.  You need to get a grip and accept this relationship is over for whatever reason.  You need to pull yourself together for your child at the very least.  Yes, it is devastating when you get blindsided like that, however, life goes on and if you allow yourself to heal and not obsess over this woman you will eventually feel better and be able to move on.   I suggest you get some professional help to help you through this rough time.

Answer 10

You just need to take one day at the time. I know it's an old saying, but time do heal all wounds.  A friend of mine went through the same thing, she was married for 13 years , she had 3 kids and one day her husband just walked away for another woman. She was devastated but after 3 years got remarried.  You just have to be patient, and trust that God is putting you where you're supposed to be when you're supposed to be there. You thought she was perfect , but obviously she wasn't, You're right your son and yourself didn't deserve this, but what if after a while you realize that she did you a favor.

My husband thought like you did after his wife of 5 years left him, that he would never love again. Then he met me 9 months later. We have been together for 9 years, and we have a 6 year old son. He is happier now that he could of ever been with her.

Just take one day at the time, and live for you and your son.  Be happy and try to smile, sometimes it doesn't take much to make life better. Thank God that you have your son, your job, your home etc.

One day she will probably realize what she's done, but then again, maybe she did you the biggest favor you could ever imagine, which is giving you the chance to meet the ONE person who will love you forever.

I wish you the best of luck

Answer 11

Sorry to hear about that.... If she can be that cruel to you, then its likely she will marry again because she probably wont change. And you could apply for custody over your son, he would be happier with you if shes as you say she is. Good luck, i hope you have better relationships in the future :)  

Answer 12

i dont want to give you false hope but if you treated her great maybe she will relieze what she is missing.  I went through this were i felt like i wasnt happy and i needed a different guy to make me happy but i relized that i had to pull it together for my daughter.  Maybe she will grow up alittle bit and come crawling back...if she did that would you take her back though...that is the real question

Answer 13

you still love her, right? well if you do then try some things to win her back, and maybe you guys need to talk about it and ask her if she has a problem with you.. tell her that you need him, especially your son.. then if nothing happens, maybe you guys need a break and if you did your part, let her do hers.. or maybe she's the one who has problems.. if it didnt work out, just take care of your son