Someone please help!!!! :(:(

Question

My daughter, who is 2.5 yrs old is giving me a nervous breakdown! Everything I do or say is wrong, she doesn't listen to me at all and even hits me and yells at me in public places. It's making me so depressed that I won't even leave the house with her anymore.

She's not like this with her father at all, she does whatever he says and is a complete angel when he's around, making him beleive that I'm full of it. I've done 90% of the parenting with her so I just feel so useless right now!

What can I do?? PLEASE HELP I'm desperate, time outs aren't working!! I'm seriously considering adoption- that's how bad this has gotten! PLEASE!!

Answer 1

2 can be a difficult age. She is testing her environment and it is up to you to show her how to act. My daughter is the same age and was doing a lot of the same things. I was up to sometimes 10 time outs a day with her and could hardly take her anyway. Finally, I just changed what I was doing because obviously my methods weren't working. I also read this quote - "Parents are good at trying to teach children what they don't want their kids to do but not good at trying to teach them what they do want them to do."

I started doing more praise when she was acting good and it worked immediately. When you see her doing something good - sitting in the floor playing nice, eating lunch at the table, gets ready for bed well, acts good in public, whatever it is praise her for it - "Look at how well you ate your lunch, you're a big girl.", "I'm so proud to be at the store with you, you're such a good girl.", etc.

They just want attention at this age and if you spend your time punishing then they'll keep doing whatever it is they get punished for. You teach them how to act and at this age you can't praise them enough. You can do time outs when she does something bad but all they do is distract for a couple of minutes. They won't fix any bad behavior. Consistency is also important. Don't say no unless you mean it. Just keep focusing on the good behavior and she will most likely adjust. It's natural for a child to do whatever gets them the most attention.

Good luck and don't let yourself get too down about this. You are certainly not the first person who finds themself unable to leave the house because of their not so perfectly behaved child. And the better for daddy thing is pretty common too.  

Answer 2

My daughter was doing the same. I would suggest to show the example how to deal with frustrating situations.  If you go to the store and you know that she might have a tantrum, tell her before entering that you two will go there only if she listens to you and as soon as she will start misbehaving get out from the store even if you have a full shopping cart.

The beating is coming from spanking her even if it is a light tap on the rear end. I would suggest instead of spanking, put the chair in the corner, explain what she did wrong, and let her sit there. She probably will not sit there longer than 10 seconds, but you will send a message who is the boss at home. Do not yell at home at her, that's where she is learning it, if you can't handle the frustration, put her in safe place, go to the bathroom and sit for a little bit... and then go to "chair in the corner" solution.

Be consistent and she will be much better kid. Don't forget that the terrible twos will end soon... and then it will be "terrible threes"... Keep in mind whatever she does it is a direct reflection what she sees and hears around her.... GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

She treats you this way because you give in.  She looks at you as a push over.  I know a lot of people are going to say I am wrong, but it sounds to me like she needs her little butt spanked.  YOU are the parent, so don't give in.  Set rules and stick by them.

Answer 4

Sorry, I agree with Asian ... she needs a spanking or some real serious discipline!  She has to know that what you are threatening, ie: time out, spanking, toys being taken away etc. will actually happen.  If she knows that there are reproductions to her actions then eventually the bad behavior will stop.  

Now, I don't mean to sound judgy at all, I know all about the terrible twos but she minds your husband so you know it's in her to behave.  And BTW, she is a little girl who needs love and encouragement, regardless of her behavior, so I sure hope that you aren't throwing out that adoption c**p in front of her!

Good luck girl!

Answer 5

When my 2 1/2 is acting up and not calming down, my husband comes over to her and says in his "mean" voice, "what is going on here?"  Works 99% of the time.

You need a mean voice first of all.  

I agree with the Passenger.  Do more praise and less punishing.  You may see a difference.

Answer 6

OMG I SOOO know what you're talking about!  My daughter is 2yrs 3 month old.  She REFUSES to listen to anything I say.  She likes to tell me "no" when I say something to her or try to discipline her.  She doesn't hit or yell at me though, but I also refuse to go anywhere with her without her father.  She behaves like an angel when her father is around.  We discipline the same exact way but she takes heed when he does it.  She almost laughs at me.  Very recently she's gotten mad at me because we've got a 1 month old little boy.

I'm not sure how you're disciplining, but maybe try to be harder.  I can't get my daughter to go in time out.  Maybe if you and your husband are both around when she starts to act up, if both of you try the discipline together.  I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this.  It's rough.

Good luck, hun!