Someone please tell me what's going to happen :(?

Question

I have been battling anorexia for 2 plus years now. I used to swim 4 hours a day, 7 days a weeks and now I've stopped doing that. During that time I was swimming, i was eating about 800 or 900 calories a day. After I stopped swimming, my parents thought I was getting better. I would say I was eating more but I really wasn't, despite the fact that I was seeing my primary care physician, a nutritionist, and a psychologist. Now it's serious. I either gain some weight this week or they're sending me to residential treatment.

This is my new diet plan that the nutrition gave me yesterday:

Breakfast:

1 protein bar

1 bag of lowfat popcorn

100 calories worth of lean turkey breast

Snack:

2 graham crackers and a tablespoon of lowfat peanut butter

Lunch:

2 slices whole wheat bread

lean turkey or chicken

lettuce

tomato

honey mustard

Snack:

1 granola bar, 1 piece of fruit

Dinner:

1 cup pasta

4 oz. grilled chicken

1/2 cup marinara sauce

1 cup cooked vegetables

I'm absolutely terrified to do it. Terrified. I mean, yes, I'm still allowed to exercise but today I'm feeling like maybe I don't want to and I never allow myself to skip a day of exercise. I either run 45 minutes, or do a 60 minute treadmill workout. What's going to happen to me when I start eating the things she's given me. I am terrified to get fat and gain a ton of weight. I don't exactly know what I weigh because the specialists are handling that for me, but I'm 5'6" and I know I'm nearing 100 pounds (just slightly over).

HELP PLEASE.

Answer 1

I can honestly say that i know how you feel.  I am also battling anorexia and trying to recover.  Anorexia is such a complex disorder.  It is a vicious cycle that is hard to break.  It literally takes over your mind.  It is so difficult, and i often feel like giving up.  I hate having to eat a lot, and i constantly feel bloated, fat and guilty.  I am also depressed.  I am so afraid to gain weight, and i am afraid of what i will look like, how i will feel, etc.  I am also being threatened with inpatient hospitalization, and i really hope it doesn't come down to that.  I don't want to have to live there.  Deep in my heart, i know that i have to do this to get healthier, and you do too.  You have people that love and care about you, and they want to see you get healthier.  And no, healthy does not mean fat.  Nobody is trying to make you fat, just remember that.

As far as your meal plan goes, it looks pretty healthy to me.  Don't forget, it is also ok to allow yourself a treat once in awhile.  Just keep the portion sizes reasonable, and you will be fine.  Since i often find it hard to  eat more, my doctor recommended Ensure or Boost Plus drinks.  They aren't that terrible tasting, and they are an easy way to get extra calories, plus they have vitamins.  Carnation instant breakfasts mixed with skim milk are good too.  And don't be so hard on yourself with the exercise.  Working out should be something you enjoy!  Don't stress out about it.  Set up some kind of weekly workout schedule and stick to it.  But don't forget to allow yourself a couple resting days per week.  Your body needs time to recover.

As difficult as it may be, try listening to your doctors and parents.  They only want the best for you.  And i think that as long as you show them that you are really trying and if you begin to gain a few pounds, i am sure you will be able to avoid inpatient.  Keep your head up and stay strong.  I know we can beat this.

Best of luck!