Someone that goes through this or advice please?

Question

Well I have a 3 year old daughter and 3 month old daughter mu husband has lately has been angry all the time and has mood swing and he gets mad and angry when my 3 month old daughter is crying and doesn't stop at first I thought it was colic,but I don't think it is, it might be teething she had been drooling and chewing on everything and she enjoys me rubbing her gums, well anyways about what I need advice about. i don't know what to do last night my husband was talking to his mom after I had told her that he gets angry at my daughters so she had a talk with him and he was telling her that he doesnt like not having communcation and gets frustrasted because all she does is cry and he don't know what she wants.He never really hold my 3 month old daughter or helps with anything I try really hard to do my best with my daughters,but he seems to think its my fault that she keeps crying because I baby her but I just do what any mother would do and comfort my baby. and with my 3 year old on monday she dropped 25lb weight on her foot and instead of hold ing her as she was hurting he sat her down and said in a tone voice see what happens I have told you over and over to not play with those weights and he tells me he was angry because he hates to see her get hurt,but you know he shouldnt express that to her or my 3 month old. Also my 3 month daughter stops crying when he leaves the room or during the day when hes not here I never have a problem with her having crying spills his mom told me that babies can sense stress and angier and all that and I hate seeing my babies she that.And he has been talking to me about joining the army because it will give my kids a better life but I'm not doing that because while I'm in basic training I don't want to get a phone call saying that one of my girls or both are in the hospital due to being shaken or hurt out of angier or something like that.i just need someones help and advice. I dont have too many friends and the one friend I thought I could trust at one time she told her husband the things I said and her hubby is friends with mine so it got back to him..I'm sorry that my question is so long but I just needed to get it out..Thank you for your time

Answer 1

honey you need to get those kids away from your husband!!!!!!!!

he has no bond it sounds like with those kids and he may not realize it but he could hurt them out of anger...or you and then where would they be ? he sounds like he soes not want to be a father and all fathers are insecure with babies but they have a bnond with them hold them and love them at least the ones that  want to be . If you dont want to seperate please seek counseling you both need it for the kids sake

Answer 2

Talk to your husband and tell him your feelings about his anger.  When you talk to him don't say "you" and "me", say "we".  Don't use the children as a "tactical weapon" to make him understand, that will just make it worse.  If that doesn't help then tell him if he doesn't change that you will have to take the children and leave, not for you but them.  But you have to mean it.  IF things don't change leave...you might want to talk to a councilor yourself or as a couple...

Answer 3

I really can't think of a nice way to tell you that your husband is being a jerk. I am sorry to be so blunt, but I just can't think of a nice way to say it. Your daughters will grow up with that influence.. your stress levels will only increase and you will continue to run around trying to please him. Your daughters will grow up trying to please men and will follow your example. I really think that this is a horrid situation for your girls and for you. I suggest that you tell him that if he can't help out like another adult and if he can't support you as your raise HIS kids, that you will leave. He is making your life miserable and your kids will only get the worst end of it. I am sorry to be so blunt, I just don't know how to say it softly. Your husband needs to know that this is not OK behavior and that if it continues, he will be on his own without you or his kids.

I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. This is a special time in your life, where you have a newborn baby and every moment should be savored as a special memory. I am sorry that he has made things so hard for you. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 4

I think deep down you already know what you have to do. You are worried about leaving your children alone with your husband... but you cannot be there every second of the day and even if you are you can turn your back for just a second... that's no way to live.

You need to remove your children from this unhealthy environment. Perhaps if he gets counseling and really, really changes then he can slowly re-enter your lives but don't be scared to be on your own.

I have a friend in a similar situation and I try to explain to her that the best thing is for children to grow up in a loving two parent house. But if that's not the reality then the second best option is NOT growing up in a hostile two parent house. The next best option is to raise them on your own in a home where they will be free to cry, misbehave occasionally, test the boundaries and BE CHILDREN!

Good luck!

Answer 5

His mom is right that babies/children can sense anger. In his defense there are three girls and him. But that does not excuse being mean. A new addition to the family is stressful for him and most importantly you. Yeah you already had one child but there is still a new addition. It sounds like you are making great progress with comforting your three month old and attempting to cover all the possibilities of what could be making her upset.

Your children are young and there is so much to look forward too. I wouldn't suggest the military unless you want to be away from your family.

My suggestion is to express your concerns to your husband. Not to his family or friends but to him. Babies cry, that's what they do until they become verbal. Three year olds need the discipline and he was right to remind her that he has told your dd the consequences of her playing with things she shouldn't. As long as he is not physically abusing or verbally abusing you girls, you will be able to fix this problem by communicating your concerns to him. Be sure to remind him getting upset will only create more unnecessary chaos.

You did a great job explaining things here and I believe you will do just as good relaying the same comments to him...best of luck to you and congratulations on your new family member.

Answer 6

For one, why do you need to join the army? why doesn't he? Don't let him talk you into doing that when your girls need you. He has an anger problem and he is unstable to care for them alone.  his mother is right about babies sense anger. she also seems to be teething and not comforting the other when she hurt herself was wrong. there are parenting classes available that he needs to take. they will teach him a better understanding. it's not your fault, your daughter is only 3 mos. of course your going to comfort her when she is crying, any nurturing mother would do the same. he needs to stop blaming you and realize that its him who has the problem. Good luck my dear