Someone to show me I am special?

Question

All I want is someone to love and love me back. For me to find the guy who I am IN love with. Who’ll treat me right, and be there for me. Who’ll spoil me, and always be there for me, a guy who’ll make me feel like the most special person in the world, a guy who’ll I’ll always be able to count on, who’ll make me think I’m a princess, who’s so good, I’d never have my doubts. Yet everytime I think I’ve found him, he turns out to be a jerk, to be someone who doesn’t care about me. It just hurts sooo much. When I’m high and I think ‘This is it! I’ve finally found him’ only to have my world crashing down on me, and I end up in tears and I just don’t know what to do with myself. Maybe there is something wrong with me? Or maybe I’m looking in all the wrong places....whatever the case is I really wish I could find him, and soon. I need someone to brighten up my day more, make me laugh and smile all the time. Make me never want to sleep, because all I want to do is talk to them. Why can’t I find him?

Answer 1

Ahh, the question of the ages..  why can't I find him??

Believe me, your situation is NORMAL. Even more so nowadays with men being sorrier than ever before.

I have 3 girls and I HATE to have to tell them how HARD it is to find a man who is worth it, who is any good at all.

My 25 yr old has been married for 5 yrs now and even though they have their ups and downs, they are ok, I guess.

My 18 yr old is having a HARD time finding a guy that is half way decent.

I think one reason for all this  is that boys in general mature later than women do. So, at 18 yrs old, boys are going to still be boys. Heck, at 50 boys are still going to be boys!!

Another reason for all this is that God made women to want men. To be and do exactly everything you just wrote. The bible states 'a womans desire is to her husband' meaning the obvious, but also meaning that for women , the MAIN thing in their life is to be loved and appreciated by men, to be taken care of by men.

BUT, I don't understand it myself, because men are NOT this way!! It's like God makes men and women SO different and then say

'ok now live together'!!

I am now 43 and it took me 3 marriages, MANY boyfriends and giving up completely for 8 years while raising 2 daughters alone and telling God 'I give up, you bring me the right husband' when I was 32 yrs old.

I had to wait for 8 years, but it happened!!  We have been married for 11 yrs now and it's not all perfect, but after being in 2 bad marriages, it is very close.

I don't know if you are a christian, but God says 'put me first and all these things shall be added unto you'.  This means you have to put God in your life first ahead of men.

All the years of me trying to FIND someone myself, God was teaching me that I will have NO ONE because I was putting MEN ahead of him. It was a HARD and hurting lesson I had to learn.

I don't know if I have helped you, there is no magic answer, only the cold hard truth. It IS HARD to find any man 'worth a flip' as I say LOL.

As for finding someone to make you happy and brighten up your day, well, you have to do this FOR YOURSELF. You can NOT depend on ANYONE but GOD and yourself to make you happy. And as sorry as men are, you sure can't depend on THEM to make you happy, even if you DO find the 'right one'.

You can't base your whole life around a man. I know this sounds harsh, but I was the SAME way, I think ALL girls are.

It's just something you have to live and learn on your own.

I have talked my head off to my girls, trying to save them from heartache, but they will not listen. They have to go thru hurt with the sorry boys for themselves and then come back and say 'mama you were right'.

There's a book, I cant' remember the name of it, in helping you to find someone. It is a christian book so I don't know if you'll like it.

It states to make a list of all the qualities you  want a boy/man to have, and qualities you DON"T want him to have.

And if he does not make the list, even if it's only ONE thing on the list,  drop him. Simple (and HARD) as that. If you can't deal with the bad things a guy does now , there is NO WAY you can deal with being married to him.

One thing that might help, and is also the HARDEST thing to do, is to BE FRIENDS FIRST. Do NOT fall for any one that comes along, and don't fall so fast. Take time to determine if this is a person you want to love. Don't just fall in love without taking the time to even know IF this is the right person for you to love.

My 18 yr old is getting hurt so much in this. And I did to. Everything I'm telling you, I did myself. This is why I now know what I am saying.

If you want to talk more email me  [e-mail]

God bless you sweetie!!

Answer 2

i understand how u feel i used to be in special ed and the boys were jerks to me too and i olny had one date in high school and that was that i got picked on cause some obnoioxous people said i talked like rosie o'donnell and that is not true you can be stronger by letting the hard times go and making some postive friends i feel bad for u can keep your head up and don't look down there is always a tomorow and the world ain't gonna come to a end on u there is nothing wrong with u at all plus when i was in high school i did not flirt much and when it is time it is your turn don't stress yourself out too much life is short and remember that you are special in each and every way and life is full of suprises don't beat yourself up on this find a book to read or something that always helps me to calm down so i hope u understand all this take care lol !

Answer 3

Someone a whole lot wiser than me, once wrote:  "Don't look for love, be lovable" .

Maybe thats been your problem.  

How would you go about being more lovable?

Answer 4

You will never find him until you start accepting responsibility for yourself first. All you have written is how you want a guy who is going to make you happy, make you feel special, and so on.... Why do you think you need someone to be responsible for your happiness?

You need to find something to do that makes you happy, something you have control over. The sad fact is, no one wants someone who is totally dependent on them for their happiness and well being. No one can do that successfully. Parents take care of their babies like that because the babies have to be dependent. They grow out of that stage very quickly. They learn to find their own happiness and joy and share it with others.

Now I have to ask what you expect to give him in return? You want to take but I don't see where what you want is going to benefit him at all. Its sounds very one sided to me. Its ok to depend on someone but you can't drown them in it. A healthy adult relationship is where two people do things for each other because they want to, not because one demands it and refuses to grow up.  

Answer 5

I hope you find who you are looking for really soon but just for now be out going and hang out more with boys and soon you will make boyfriends (boys that are friends ) and once they get to know you they probably want to be with you more time and ask you to be their girlfriend.

Answer 6

You will find that someone special one day who will make you feel all those things and so much more, don't try too hard to find them because when you do you become blind and may even pass-by that special someone.

When that someone finds you and you find them you will both know the true meaning of happiness and love, you will both understand what it means when they say "two hearts beating as one" and you will never doubt him.

Take your time and don't go looking for love let love find you, as for being special I am sure you are very special in your own way.  Take care of yourself and wait for them paitently.

Best Wishes

Answer 7

The best way to find him is to stop looking. HE should be looking for you. Men can sense desperation, and a GOOD man, the one that you are describing will be in search for a woman who isn’t looking for him, but who is confident in her self and have the ability to stand on her own without needed to feel validated by him. He wants to be the perfect setting for the diamond he’ found. And when he finds this diamond, there may be some rough edges to smooth out and there may be some dirt to polish off, but he shouldn’t have to create the diamond from scratch.

In order to attract such a man, you have to become the woman he desires. You not only sound desperate, but your self esteem sounds shot!  I was once that girl until I realized that I had my sights set on the wrong thing. I was looking for my knight in shining armor and I found Christ. He showed me who I was in Him and what he thought about me. He helped me see that I didn’t need anyone to validate me as long as I loved myself & He loved me. After learning that difficult lesson I was approached by a gentleman who seemed to have walked right out of my dreams. Once I learned to accept me, love me & accept Christ’s love for me, the man came out of no where – this gentleman who is true, and gentle, yet is firm and a true man of God. He isn’t perfect, but he respects me & my feelings. He listens to my needs and nurtures them; he shows me a side of life I’ve never seen before. He is patient with me, He loves God more than He loves me – and that means that he won’t do any thing deliberately to offend or hurt God, therefore he will not do anything deliberately that will offend or hurt me.

Stop seeking after something that the human race can’t give you. You have to first love & accept yourself before anyone can love and accept you. The man you so wish for is looking for you, but he can’t see you because of all the debris – clean yourself off my child, so you can attract Mr. Right in your due season.