Something quite disturbing happened yesterday?

Question

Something quite disturbing happened yesterday with my husband & niece My husband & I babysat out niece yesterday As my husband was driving her home from school, ( I was not in the car) she says to him "look @ my diaper" so my husband tells her shes being silly cos she doesn't wear diapers (shes in first grade) So then she proceeds to say to him "Look at my v****a" So my husband, appalled, says to her that what shes saying is inappropriate & not to repeat it She then proceeds to say "Look at my v****a, I wont tell anybody" My husband tells her again not to say that etc & changes the subject (because she kept repeating herself) He didn't tell me this until last night after we had put her to bed

I was completely dissatisfied with the way my husband handled the situation First off, I think he made waaaaay to light of it He is going to talk to her mother about it today (he hasn't told her yet) But the entire time before she went to sleep he acted as if nothing ever happened.

She was being ill behaved aside from the issue in the car by being rude to us & even when we told her to stop she continued, at one point she even told me to " yell at her because it was her favorite thing" and she "liked being yelled at" The whole situation was completely bizarre

Should I be concerned about my husbands lax reaction? I feel like he shouldve gotten much more stern with her. Should we opt not to watch her anymore? I certainly dont want her to cause trouble, as we all know people are very sensitive when it comes to their children & sexuality & after shes said that I dont feel comfortable with him even picking her up on having her sit on his lap What do you think?

Answer 1

It isn't his child so it isn't his place to really handle that topic. I would prefer my husband change the topic and let the child's mom handle the situation. Men don't usually know how to react to something like that.

Your husband's reaction really should be the least of your concerns. I would be more concerned with what is going on at school or at home for your niece, because that behavior is very odd.

Answer 2

I actually think he handled it fine. If he were to feed into it, she may have made a bigger deal about it. It's good that he changed the subject. I wouldnt feel comfortable letting them be alone again, ONLY because if she is acting this bizzare, it doesnt take much for her to accuse him of doing something.

It is much more her mothers responsiblilty to take it from here. And decide what to do, if you feel comfortable still watching her, and the mother too...then continue. You guys need to come to a common ground, but it is really her mothers place to see where it goes from here.

But that also makes me wonder about her mother, or someone in her life. A 6 year old does not come up with these types of things on her own.

Answer 3

It frightens me that you seem to view her behavior as "ill behaved" and think your husband should've been more "stern" with her.

This is a MAJOR warning sign of an abused child. I think he handled it as well as he could at the time. Obviously speaking to the child's mother, and reporting it to the proper authorities is necessary. This needs to be investigated.

Her further "ill behavior" is also considered to be a sign of an abused child.

This poor child seems to be in trouble, she needs help. And you are wanting your husband to be more stern with her? You don't want HER to cause trouble??

With advocates like that in her life, it seems easy to understand how someone got to her to abuse her in the first place. This poor child probably doesn't have a chance. Heartbreaking.

Answer 4

A child of that age does not just come out with things like this. I would be concerned that she is being molested more than being inappropriate. My own husband would have been so disturbed by this that he would have mentioned it to me immediately......it is not normal behavior in any way shape or form.

Talk to her mother asap......this needs addressing!

I would have been REALLY concerned at your husbands reaction......and not because I felt he should have been more strict with her...........you know him better than anyone.......I hope that includes trusting him........

Answer 5

I think men are unsure of how to deal with issues like this.  I would have asked her why she was saying it though.  If she's in first grade, I would assume she's six years old and it is quite possible someone has already "looked at her v****a" and told her not to tell anyone.  

I agree, it is very disturbing and you should both sit down with her mother (your sister or his?) and let her know what was said and how your husband dealt with it.  And until they find out why she is saying things like that, I probably wouldn't watch her anymore.  

Answer 6

I agree with the people above.  Something is wrong either at home or at school.  Six year old children do not make up things like that.  Definitely talk to her Mom and express concern that this needs to be followed up.

Although I may be going overboard, perhaps to the point of having the child looked at by a doctor.

As for hubby, he handled this as well as he could at the time.  As for sitting your niece again, that is up to you.

Answer 7

You're right - this is very disturbing.  However, I'm with your husband...  He made it clear that she was inappropriate and refused to enter into it with her.  He then treated her as he always had - she did not get any attention from her behaviour.

Yes, he needs to discuss it with her parents, but I think he did the right thing by not passing any judgement or calling excessive attention to it at the time.

Answer 8

Whoa.  I think you are seeing this completely wrong.  Obviously, something is in your neices mind that has made her have these thoughts and say these things.  Whether it is normal for her age, I can't say, but to have been "sterner" with her would not have helped and possibly could have made it WORSE.  You could have then made her feel bad about her body or about herself and that can lead to self-image problems later in life.  

I think you need to talk to her mom, and I would even be a little concerned as to whether she has been molested.  What child that age knows the word "v****a"?  And HOW did she learn it?????

Don't blame a 6 year old.  She has learned/been shown this from someone else.

Answer 9

I'm not drawing the same conclusions as the others.  When a child leans an anatomically correct word, there's no telling when and how they're going to use it.  This is the age they learn words like p***s and v****a.  She's proud of herself for learning a big word, and she used the word.  It doesn't mean she needs therapy.

Your husband freaked out and ended the conversation as quickly as he could.  This is uncomfortable when it's your own child, let alone someone else's.  Sure he could've handled it better.  There are a million things that have taken me by surprise that I could've handled better.

This is someone else's child.  What you should do is pass along what happened to the child's mother.  If, as an aunt, you insist on saying something to the child, say "That's the right word but it's for private conversations and questions just with mommy and daddy."

Answer 10

Hold on a second.  This issue here is NOT your husband, it is why your neice is saying these things.  Your husband probably felt uncomfortable with the whole situation, hence the lax reaction.

This could be serious.  Why is she saying these things?  I would discuss it with her mother immediately and see what her reaction is to the whole thing.