Son's bio-dad wants to see him but..?

Question

Son's bio-dad wants to see him but my son wants nothing to do with him?My eldest son's (Neil) father (John) has suddendly popped up with a new wife along with 2 new kids and wants to be his sons life after 9 yrs! Problem is my son wants nothing to do with him and his bio-dad is blaiming me.I am getting now hounded by both him and his wife who thinks i'm the bad guy?Its driving me crazy but i would rather not go to court?

The backround is that while in college abroad in the U.K i met my eldest sons dad in Scottland. It was an immature party style romance and i did not realize this man had a drinking problem till i got pregnant.We got engaged but i left him because he came home(we shared a flat) one night drunk started a fight and started choking me.I returned to the states to my family/friends, started a friendship with my old highschool bf and 4 months later delivered my son Neil .After my son was born i tried contacting John sending him photos ect..but he said he wanted nothing to do with the baby.It took me an extra year but i finshed school with my BA, married my old HS bf (Eddie), and had my second son Alex . We remained married for almost 5 yrs before divorcing(he cheated) but to this day my eldest son Scott knowing its not his bio-dad still calls my ex. hubby dad .And my ex. hubby proudly tells people about his boys, see's them both regularly, and attends both of the sport activities.My ex.hubby pays for his bio-son and even though never adopted my eldest child he pays for all his sports activities...as well as other things if need be in emergency.My son loves my ex.hubby to death. But my sons bio-dad John does not understand that his son does not see him as dad and really does not want to see him and i have never bad mouthed him!

Answer 1

Tell him plainly that your son has made his choice and if he contacts you or your son again you will file a harassment complaint with the police. This man has no right to upset you and your family's lives. I support bio parents rights however he made no attempt for years and now your son is old enough to say no. As mom it is your job to protect his rights. Good luck to you and don't let this man continue to disrupt your lives.

Answer 2

Of course he's gonna blame u.  It's easier that way.  He doesn't want to be hated even though it's his fault.  U can't make someone be a dad and it's pitiful when they realize they have lost out so many years later!

Don't worry about it.  U can talk to your son about how he feels and relay that to him.  He can attempt to be around and contact him, but he can't push him into being apart of his life.  He has a dad, the only thing his bio-dad can do right now is attempt to establish a friendship.  he may never want anything to do with him...maybe in some years to come he will decide he does...it's just unpredictable, but he needs time, none the less.

He has a right to be angry (your son) because his real father was nothing but a sperm donor. I'd have a tough time respecting that.

Answer 3

I am a father myself, My son was taken into state custody in Massachussetts in 2003 & adopted in 2005... My son is 14 now & asking who I am....I have paid my support & medical for him since 2002.... I have no way of getting my 10,000 dollars back from the state, I could care less about the money so, I am seeking contact & a relationship with my son............ I believe EVERY child should know BOTH biological parents...(I also never knew my parents).....I would have my son meet his father in a supervised setting at least once & then let him make his OWN choice on if he wants to see his father again.......    

Answer 4

I think your son is only nine and probably doesn't know what he wants.  Of course he would say he doesn't want to see him, he is 9!.  He is probably afraid you don't want him to see him.  I would encourage the meeting, then afterward, if your son doesn't want to see him, maybe then I would let him make the choice.  He has a whole other family.  Explain to your son how lucky he is too have so many people want to be in his life!  It will be worse for everyone if the biological father takes you to court for visitation and then your son HAS to go there, when he doesn't even know them.  I think you need to step up, and make it happen.