Son's date not invited to family wedding.... Do I lie about his absence?

Question

We have had 2 family weddings 2 weeks apart. Son was invited to both, but his date was only invited to the first wedding, and he declined because his band was playing and he was truly not available on that date.

For the the second wedding, he *was* available, but he declined only because he was not invited to bring a date, and he is in a serious relationship.

I'm going to the second wedding this weekend (because it's my godson), and family is going to demand the particulars of why my son is not there.

I'm wondering if I just should tell the truth--saying he declined because he's in a relationship, she was not invited, and he would not attend without her vs. lying that his band was playing again.

In this family, just saying he "had another commitment" won't do it--they'll want the specifics. What would you do?

Answer 1

Tough situation. I wonder if it's possible that the bride made a mistake in making out the invitations? When I got married, I included "guest" in all invitations to adult singles.

If anyone asks about your son's absence, I'd just give a simple answer. I wouldn't go into too many details. If they persist, invite them to call your son themselves.

Answer 2

You write:  In this family, just saying he "had another commitment" won't do it--they'll want the specifics. What would you do?

Honesty is always the best policy . . . . saying he declined because he's in a relationship, she was not invited, and he would not attend without her.

As others have said . . . Saying he "had another commitment"  SHOULD be enough.  But yes, I can see where family might press you.  So I would opt for honesty.  Don't make a big deal about it, but honesty is best.

At least that lets everyone know he is in a serious relationship . . . and that if they expect to see him, then they need to include her at future events.

Answer 3

You tell the truth - that he didn't want to come. It's true, he is choosing to not go.

I think he should go stag...  but if he thinks he's upholding some sort of higher principle, it's his loss.

Answer 4

Ask your godson to invite his girlfriend. If you do that I am sure he will not say no. Then your son and his girlfriend can be happy and you wont have to lie.

Answer 5

Just be honest with them.  If you don't really feel comfortable with that just tell them he had to be elsewhere.  If they don't think that is enough info they can just deal with it.  You don't have to share every aspect of your's or your son's life.

Answer 6

If no one asks, then I wouldn't say anything, but if they do, just say he had a prior commitment. I'm sure the only reason they didn't extend an invite for him and a guests is a money issue and there is no reason to hurt anyones feelings or make them feel bad. So, just fib...say he is ill or something. No need to disrupt the herd.

Answer 7

Don't tell the truth.  The 2nd wedding was not obligated to invite the girlfriend and your son is being petty.  Unless she was specifcially snubbed.

So - you can either show your son for the petty person he is or tell a polite white lie.

Answer 8

Be honest. And I am with you on this with you son. It is an insult to her and their relationship It would be different if they'd started dating a week beforehand but if they are in a serious committed relationship she should be invited.

If I am invited to a family wedding and my partner is not I would not attend. He is as much my family as they are.

It is different if it is a work mate of course.

Answer 9

just saying "he had another commitment" SHOULD be enough......no matter what family. if you lie about it, the truth will be revealed some other time and most likely not the way you'd prefer them to find out.

i suppose you could say "he and his girlfriend had a previous commitment." it's not really lying, and it's still general enough to satisfy their prying questions.

Answer 10

I would be honest..but that is me. I tell people who it is, and if they don't like they are free to tell me so.....if this is not your style you may opt for a white lie or say he didn't say...

Answer 11

Well firstly I think it is not right for people to pry where they don't belong and you shouldn't have to offer up an excuse as this isn't your problem.

But since you insist, I would go with the little white lie to keep peace. Saying that he didn't come due to girlfriend may cause some issues and whispers behind his back .

Answer 12

Who cares what they want in this family about the specifics. Anyone who demands information would not be a friend of mine. They need to respect people. Would you ask or demand' Why isnt so and so here?" I hope not. I would keep my mouth shut about him. Its not your or their business. If  you do not know what to say simply say I am not sure and then change the subject immediately.

Answer 13

Why bother telling the truth? There's no need for that drama.  Just say he had a prior commitment and sends his congratulations.

When you say serious, how serious? The rule is that you invite the SO if they live together or are engaged.  Probably, due to space, they decided not to invite the date.  For my wedding, we are tight on space so I'm only inviting dates that are living together or have been together for more than 3 years.  It sucks, I wish I could do it differently, but I can't so be it.

Answer 14

Make a joke out of it. When they ask why he did not come, tell them "Well......you know guys his age. He has a girlfriend and they are joined at the hip so he was concerned she would have to sit on his lap the whole time".

Answer 15

I wouldn't say the real reason... I could cause an awkward moment. No one will ask questions, and if they do, make something up, or say he had plans with his girlfriend. They will then realize their mistake, but it will not be awkward.

Answer 16

Be honest? Or would it offend? I dunno, I would say lie but what if they found out later? could you maybe call the godson ans ask if the GF can be fitted in? Is it sit down or buffet style? Buffet would be no big deal...and if this is your godson why doesnt he know about your sons GF and to invite her as well?  You know your family say whatever you think will go over the best.

Answer 17

you shouldnt feel obligated to tell anyone your sons where abouts...just say he has prior engagements and couldnt come...and change the topic to something more fun to talk about.

Just tell your son to send a card to the newlyweds with you.

Answer 18

In this situation, I would lie.  It might make them feel weird, bad, or awkward if you tell them the real reason - that they were too cheap to invite his +1!!

Answer 19

You try giving them a politically correct answer like "He was not able to make it and sends his regrets."  When they press and pick for details, tell the truth, don't be nasty or negative about it but tell them the truth that he would not attend without (use her name)"  Try to let it go then but if they continue you keep giving them the truth.  Why lie when your son will probably tell them the real reason if they should ask him.  Stick with the truth.

Answer 20

The right thing would be to tell the truth. You don't need to lie for your son. He honestly should have declinded, and added a reason. If he is in a serious relationship, he should be able to bring her. If you have to tell little lies...say he is engaged.

Answer 21

In this case honesty is the best policy....tell the relatives who committed a breach of etiquette by not inviting the gf  he declined because of that....the relationship is a serious one, not a casual fling, and the girl should have been invited......merely shrug your shoulders to any excuses offered and if you must, calmly tell them proper wedding etiquette states the partner in a serious relationship gets an invite, just like a fiance(ee) or a spouse...not to do so is a social slight to the person being invited, as well as the partner being excluded.......maybe they'll learn something...good luck.

Answer 22

I think you should just be honest. Usually if you lie someone finds out the truth eventually.

It sucks he is not allowed to bring a guest!

I hope you have fun anyway!

Answer 23

Just be honest. If not other family members will talk to your son.

Answer 24

Your son is not 8 years old anymore. It's not your place to give the particulars of his whereabouts or account for him. Just say he had something else to do and move on. If they want details, they can ask him.

Answer 25

Just say he said he was really busy and you dont know. If they press you, tell them to ask him. It was his decision to not go; you dont need to lie for him. Thats just silly.

Answer 26

I'd tell them he didn't feel comfortable coming without his girlfriend because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Then after they reply, be sure to tell them he's not offended or anything, he understands, he just didnt' want to leave her out. That way, they won't think he's mad at them or something.

Answer 27

I would just say that you Son and his "serious girlfriend" had a prior commitment.

That should both be enough of an explination why he didn't attend AND let them know that maybe they should have allowed him to bring her without actually saying so.

Good luck.

Answer 28

say his band was playing

saying he didnt come cuz his date couldnt will only bring up more of an argument. <3Q

Answer 29

Your son is totally ungracious to not attend soley because his date was not invited.  What a pathetic jerk.  Tell the truth. At least the bride will know what a jerk he is also. Lying only makes you look as bad as he is.  Alternatively, just say that "you will have to ask my godson why he isn't attending" and change the subject.

Answer 30

I would just shrug my shoulders and say "I'm not sure...[and/or]...you should call him."  Then smile and play really good at acting!  This is your son's business and you don't have to worry about it.

Also, unless he is engaged or living with his significant other, she really should not be expected to be invited.  I understand if he just doesn't feel like going without her, but if he's actually offended about, he's really out of line.  This is per Miss Manners and other etiquette folks.

Answer 31

At first I thought you were saying that the son was in a g*y relationship and had a whole nother answer ready...but, if anyone is invited to any wedding, a "plus one" or "and guest" should always be included.  I'd tell them why, maybe they don't get it, but I was pretty dense about this invitation stuff and even I knew that.