Speak up or mind our own business? (EDITED)?

Question

My husband has an 8 year old BROTHER (well, almost..he'll be 8in August) and he still sleeps and showers with my inlaws. He has a bedroom but he doesn't sleep in there, and the two or three times he did (about five months ago) my MIL had a baby monitor in his room! He also showers with them, still. I know it's none of our business, but my husband and I are worried about him because he isn't maturing at all, and acts like a child or 5 or 6. On top of all this, he is very very jealous of my son (who is 1) and he drives us crazy. If my MIL is trying to hold our son, he is in her lap, too and climbing all over them! We have had problems in the past with him actually hitting and kicking my son. We didn't go around for a few months and my MIL finally dealt with it. He still plays too rough, but it's improving. Anyway, what should we do? My MIL isn't the most adult person, either so I don't think she even realizes the problems she is creating by babying him like she is.

Answer 1

First of all, I agree that she's hindering him more than helping him.  I doubt that any of this will change because I believe it's more for their benefit than it is for his.  You could risk losing any type of relationship with your in laws and speak up or you could just stay quiet and keep your distance.

The way he treats your toddler is beyond inappropriate.  I'd either correct that situation or stay away until my toddler was a little older and better able to tolerate a little rough housing.

I know that we all can be a little judgemental at times but the way they treat him is absurd.  I notice there is a large age gap between your BIL and your husband; she probably had him while going through the change and he is her miracle baby.  Parents like these rarely if ever change and in my opinion you'll strain your relationship by confronting your in laws.

I vote to preserve the little relationship you do have with them by keeping quiet but a DISTANCE.  

Good luck!

Answer 2

Your husband should be the one to say something.  That's really ridiculous on their part.  That is not a healthy environment.  I'm sure they think what they are doing is fine, but they are about a step away from a CPS case.

Answer 3

Poor little guy.  Time for your hubby to raise h**l with his mother for abusing his little brother this way.  He and your MIL need to get into family counseling ASAP (not for him, for her) so that a professional can show her the severe damage she's doing to her younger son and s***w her head on straight, so to speak.

Meanwhile, of course, never leave the two boys alone unsupervised.

Answer 4

Yes, she is certainly not doing him any favors and is probably damaging his self-esteem etc by treating him this way!  Imagine him telling his friends at school he showers with his mommy!!  She obviously wants to keep him a baby.  Maybe she's jealous of your infant, maybe she just wants to keep a baby around, but whatever it is she needs help.

You should mind your own business, if hubby wants to say something, let him. As far as your 1 year old, I'd just keep him out of that environment.  I hope you don't let her babysit him without you there?  He'll be the next one in the shower with her.

Good luck!