Special names for adoptive children..?

Question

Hi all.

We have adopted through foster care. We ARE NOT changing our child's given name. However, I was wondering if any of you in the triad have given, received, etc. a name that was specifically related to adoption or abandonment.

I genuinely like my child's given name, BUT:

He is obviously adopted (different race), and every time someone asks his name they think WE or the nurse or social services named him. They laud praises over us and the great name we gave him that 'fits' his situation and how great it is and how great we are...etc...ugh!

Names like: Hope, Lucky, Miracle, etc.

I know people outside of adoption have these names, but when the name is related to the adoption, well, it feels like everyone is patronizing about it. Our child's mother named him that b/c she literally had no idea what would happen to him....and she knew the state wouldn't allow her to keep him(<<her words). I am not about to discuss his personal situation nor his mother with everyone we meet....but it is also very annoying to hear over and over again 'what a perfect name for him b/c of all he has gone through and b/c of how lucky he is to have you,' when no one other than my husband actually knows the situation and circumstances of his removal.

I guess it just sometimes makes me wish he were a 'bob' or something more innocuous, so that people didn't constantly associate him with adoption. Between being from foster care ("what's wrong with his mother?"), his race ("most foster kids are black and have problems") and his name ("His name is Lucky and that's what he is...Lucky"), it seems that he will never be seen as just a normal kid. Any ideas? Again, we love his name and will not change it....I just wish everyone would stop using it against his first mom..."He's Lucky he was removed from that family". While that may be true in some ways, HE will not want to hear that from everyone he meets and WE don't want him always to be associated with being Lucky, nor do we want him to hear about his mother in negative terms from anyone, much less people who don't know her or her situation. I hope that makes sense.

P.S. "Lucky" is not his name...this is just an example of the 'type' of name. I don't feel comfortable posting his name on the internet.

Thanks for any help/ideas of what to say/how to say it!

Answer 1

Hi Tickled Blue,

What about nick names?  Some are even initials.  So maybe his first and second names are like RJ, TJ, JC  ya know what i mean?

Also we let our girls kind of nickname their selves.  CC was a nickname one daughter used when she couldn&#039;t say her name.  Maya was another nickname.  So your son may come up with Luke, short for Lucky because he has a hard time saying his name.

A few boys i knew growing up went by their middle names.  You see it sometimes like L. Michael Harris.  Then the guy goes by Michael.

Good Luck

Answer 2

I know one stupid adoptive mom who named her daughter who&#039;d been sexuallly abused Mary Magdaline (after the w***e in the bible)  

I thought that was praticularly cruel... because the woman told everyone that she named the kid that because she was sexually abused .. I found it emotionally abusive actually

  

People make all kinds of dumb remarks about adoption,, someone asked me 4 years after my girls adoption was final if they could adopt one of my daughters and they were very serious...

that was like 7 years after she had been living with me... they were no relation, just some people we went to church with..

Answer 3

Adopted or not, it is RUDE to make fun of or comment on someone&#039;s name and/or the meaning behind it. I know small town America has it&#039;s way of knowing everyone&#039;s business. Maybe you could write a letter to the editor of your local paper that touches on the main points that your question did. Many people who don&#039;t have first-hand experience with adoption are just not aware of some of the feelings/thoughts involved here.

Answer 4

Does he ever go by his middle name?  My first mom went by a different last name socially (her step-father&#039;s last name,) and only used her legal name on documents that absolutely required it.  Very few people, therefore, ever even heard her real name, outside of those closest to her.  

Answer 5

Just.. ignore it. Or say, &quot;yeah, he is lucky.&quot; and brush it off...

it&#039;s a silly thing to be upset over.

Answer 6

When I receive comments on my son&#039;s name, I say, &quot;Thank you,  I like it too, his natural mother gave it to him.&quot;

Answer 7

Does your son like his name? If he likes it, and you and your husband like it, I think you should just go with it. Like what Kristy said, tell them you like the name and that his biological mother gave it to him.

If your son&#039;s name makes him uncomfortable, maybe ask if he&#039;d rather go by his middle name, or a nickname.

Also, since you live in a small town, maybe discuss with a couple of people in your town how all this talk makes your family feel a little uncomfortable. It will spread around the town like wildfire, and then maybe people will stop talking about it (at least in front of you!).

Answer 8

I think this is more about how &quot;your&quot; not comfortable with his name.

Its not like his name is  Gift..Brokered...Promised..Stolen..or Bought.

Seriously, I would leave the childs name alone and let him decide when he&#039;s older.

I met a girl that grew up with the first name Female. She pronounces it like Tamale but with an F.  She&#039;s very proud of it.  

Here&#039;s an interesting article:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080724/ap_o...