Special needs teen does not want special help?

Question

I work with a high school Jr (17) who is autistic with mild retardation. She tries to distance herself from anything that might suggest she has special needs. Peer tutors who help take notes and other help are available for her 2 mainstream classes, but she does not want them. I have tried to teach her that it is normal for a high school student to call some one from their class after school if they have a question about an assignment or want to compare answers to a specific question, to ask a teacher to repeat something in class, or to ask the teacher for help after class or school. She wants so badly to seem “normal” that her “I can do it myself” attitude is creating more work and making things harder for her in the long run. How do I help her learn that what is making her different from her peer is that she does not ask for help? She is planning to attend a small college in a few years, and she needs to learn to ask for help outside of her current comfort level.

Answer 1

Leave her alone. She's old enough to make these decisions for herself. She's smarter than the students who don't have autism even though the non-autistic students can function more appropriately. When she gets to college, there will be faculty help, and she can decided whether she wants it. But no, I most certainly would not accept peer assistance if I were her.

As the mother of a 23 year old with autism, I too am offended by the diagnosis of retardation. I understand this may be the school's designation and not yours, but it's unlikely she is retarded. In fact when my son was 18 his school declared all of their autistic students retarded, to get more state money. I pulled him from that program immediately.

editing: I would have raised holy h**l in my son's school if anyone had tried to segregate the "students with needs" at a separate table, and I know he would have refused to co-operate in a situation like that.

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Answer 2

As an autistic adult i think you should leave her alone. Shes not a fool to her what your doing is upsetting harrasment not help to her you are making things worse. If you tell her the help that is available she will look for when she wants to. We prefer to figure things out on our own.

Answer 3

I think you are ignorant and the fact that you work with people withs special needs sickens me.  Since when do we call people with DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES retarded??????

Answer 4

There is strong evidence that shows that peer tutoring can be harmful to both studentsif done with students who are at varying ability levels.  I do not practice peer tutoring at any time and agree with the research that indicates its potential harm. It is not the job of a student to "tutor" (read: educate) another student. This is the job of the teacher and/or EA in the classroom.  No wonder this student of yours in resistant, she has an instinct telling her that this situation isn't right. Something in her gut is telling her to distance herself from this.

Why not do what many special educators do and make arrangements with the teachers for copies of notes? This is a modification that could be written into her IEP. Another option would be for YOU to do the note taking and share it with her in a resource setting.

Of course this child doesn't want to be . ostracized. What you are trying to push on her is an overdependence on her classmates. You cannot force formed relationships with peers. While it is true that "it is normal for a high school student to call someone from their class after school..." when this happens it is happening naturally. What you're doing is trying to create a relationship for her. It just won't work.  The "I can do it myself" attitude IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE SHOULD HAVE AND IS EXACTLY WHAT WILL HELP HER SUCCEED IN LIFE!!! I can't stress this enough. You really need to reevaluate what you're doing. Are you an EA? If so please seek out some additional training in special education. If you're a teacher please do the same.

Sorry to sound harsh...I've very passionate about this subject.

Best wishes. I'm sure that your heart is in the right place, but if you continue down this path you are doing more harm than good.

Answer 5

This is a difficult age for teenagers, even those who don't have disabilities.  It's not that unusual for students with disabilities to want to act normal and not draw attention to themselves.  And, yes, you're right, this can create lowered performance in the student and make this more difficult.  Individuals with autism don't enjoy reaching out to ask questions anyway and given her age, it's doubly difficult.  There's not alot you can do with this type of unresponsive student except make the offer and then give them space.  Her special education classes are there for her and she can use those classes to try and catch up on missing or confusing work in her mainstream areas.  It might be best for you to communicate your concerns to the special education teachers in your building and seek there advice.

Answer 6

As a teacher myself what I would do is assign the peer tutors to students desiring help. She is independent even though not up to the same level as the rest. Another idea would be to put several students with needs together at a table to work with a tutor or aide or assistant.

Answer 7

At 17 most kids want to do everything for themselves and are reluctant to accept help from anyone. I know from personal experience that having autism of any sort, (and NOT mental retardation), makes it twice as hard for them. All they want to do is to appear the same as everyone else and try to fit in. They also struggle so much in a class with other kids and have lots of difficulties with socialising especially with their peers. The best thing you could do for this student is to let her do things her own way so she feels comfortable and less stressed. If she needs help then just let her know you will be there to help her. You cannot change her as she has autism but you can be there to support her and make things easier for her by backing off.

Answer 8

Personally I wouldn't think it normal to refuse help which I presume is given free.I only wish I could of been given extra help when I was at school I would of jumped at the chance and this from someone supposedly normal. My daughter before she found out she was dyslexic thought she was not as bright as most of her class mates and stayed behind after school in her own time to try to catch up because she wanted better results in her exams. That was when she thought nothing was amiss.  Since being told she could have SEN because they later found out that she was dyslexic she was overjoyed and took as much help as was given her. She used it to her advantage. I think your pupil needs to realise this if she wants to get anywhere in life then take as much help as possible from where ever possible and from whoever is willing to give it.

Even your president and the queen of England who have had the best education possible still take help from others eg speeches are written for them and they are advised on lots of simple things.