Specifically what type of information do you feel adoptees deserve to know?

Question

I have provided medical information for the baby I gave up for adoption. In light of what I've learned here, I'm thinking that the medical information may not have been thorough enough, so I'm considering expanding what she's been given access to. Although we have an open adoption, in the event anything should happen to me, I would feel more comfortable with something in writing. I respect that information is valuable to some adoptees, so that information I shall provide.

Does anyone have any advice on what you think should be included? Such as family information. What all would be helpful to know? Names, of course. Birthdates? Should I include where the family member is currently living? Would that just be the town, or should I provide a street address? Telephone number? E-mail address? How far back should I go? Please be specific.

Also, is there an especially helpful and thorough form somewhere? Or should I create something myself?

Any other topics?

Thank you~

Answer 1

I think medical information is a big thing and since you’re in an open adoption you can have that updated. Heritage, maybe the names of relatives 3 or 4 generations back. You might want to get the permission of any of your family if you want to give more then just the person’s name or the city they last lived in.

Answer 2

Honestly, no one in our society is legally entitled to medical history or even the history of their ancestors.  The non-adopted often have more of it than the adopted, simply because they live with the people who have that information.  Therefore, if someone adopts, there is an ethical obligation to providing whatever information s/he has to his/her adopted children in order to give them the same type of information non-adopted children will have simply by living with natural relatives.

However, all members of society in 44 states have legal unconditional access to their own birth records except those who happened to get adopted. Not relinquished, but adopted.  These are two separate, and sometimes far apart, events.  This is discrimination and should not exist.

Answer 3

Hi Sarah,

I appreciate that you are doing this for your child.  When considering what he/she would like to know, the rule of thumb is they want to know everything that everyone else knows about their families.  Since there is a good chance that they are similar to you, you might start by gathering all the information you, yourself would want to know if the shoe were on the other foot.

There is no such thing as too much information.  If you must err, send more information, not less.  You have no idea how meaningful that information could be, and you are the best person to provide it.  Adoptees have already endured losses, so anything you can do to lessen that is what they want, need, and deserve.  This will be the kind of information they will always cherish.  The more personalized you can make it, the better.  I agree w/the others who suggested a scrapbook format would be very nice.

The items you mentioned are all good.  Go back as far as you know.  Include labeled pictures because adoptees yearn to know who they look like and from where they inherited their features.  And yes, always include contact information.  Thank you so much for asking!  Hope this helps you as well as your child.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 4

I think adopted children might want racial & medical info.

Perhaps going back 3 generations, if possible.

I would not give personal details, beyond family names.

Answer 5

Just my opinion, but I think adoptees are more than deserving to any and all information... they are entitled to know about their creators (birth parents). Who these people are, the story surrounding their relinquishment, medical history, nationality, etc.

A family tree would be a treasure!

Answer 6

the only thing really that has any significance would be any kind of hereditary problems- cancer, heart disease....things along those lines.

Answer 7

I would definetly put some information so that family can be located if needed to. Address, phone numbers, emails, birthdates, and  new names if ppl get married.

Answer 8

It's nice to hear that you are willing to provide a lot of information.  For me personally I think the more you include the better just in case they decide they want to find information on their birth family.  It's not something they have to do but should they want to it will be available to them.

Answer 9

Hi. I don't know if you were just addressing this to adoptees, but I hope you don't mind me chiming in. I had a semi-open adoption. Sent letters, pictures, and whatnot for a year thru adoption agency. Spoke with the birthmother prior to placement. I did ask questions in my letters but received no reply. At the end of the year, I asked to continue to relationship even at that level but again was turned down. We had medical info but there is so much more we wish we had: family tree info (including culture/nationalities), all the stuff you said, and since our birthmother's name is so common (I've tried to find her recently) some better identifiers-at least middle name! A photo album would be wonderful. Do keep in touch for the sake of your child.

Answer 10

I would think whatever agency you went through for the adoption would have a form for you to fill out and if not one of the workers will be able to tell you what information would be helpful.  You might also add contact information if the child or adoptive parents would like to contact you.  You could be the donor the child needs in case of leukemia or something horrible like that comes up.

Answer 11

medical issues that run in the family

Answer 12

EVERYTHING.

Answer 13

The circumstances of their conception and birth.  I think your child should have the names and birthdates of both parents.  If you can provide additional information, yes.  I think your child should have their heritage background.  Like Italian or English.  Ethnic background.  If you can get a copy of the OBC, that would be really great.  Copies of all the adoption paperwork.  

Maybe make it in a scrapbook type of thing.  I have heard about Lifebooks.

Answer 14

Before you provide contact info about other family members, you need to check with those relatives to be sure it's OK with them.

Ethnic and nationality info on your family tree would be interesting to the child. Fill out a family tree with names, perhaps, but definitely nationalities.

Answer 15

I was adopted and I can you tell you from my experience that if you are willing to give any information give it all. I would not hide anything. The person most likely to see and use any of the information given would be the child that you gave up. He or she may want to know about there family and where he/she came from.

Before giving any info about your family I would ask those relatives for their permission first they may or may not want to be listed.