Spoiling a 10 month old?

Question

Im a stay at home mom and I have a 10 month old. She is very attached to me. People keep saying that she is spoiled because she sometimes doesnt want to be held by anyone else when im around. I completely disagree with this. In my psychology class I was taught you cant spoil a child in the first 2 years. But everyone argues that with me. I dont think she is spoiled. She just loves me and since we spend everyday together, I am the person she is most comfortable with. Am I right?

Answer 1

Attachment doesn't mean spoiled, but you can spoil a child from birth.  "you cant spoil a child in the first 2 years" is nonsense.  Most children don't remember their first two (or even three) years, but the habits they learn remain with them forever.

If she won't be held by ANYONE when you're around, father, grandparents, etc., there may be a problem.  If she won't be held by people she's not comfortable with, that's a good thing.  If she has moods it only proves that she's still alive (IOW, it's normal).

Answer 2

I don't think attachment means she is spoiled. It could cause some problems down the road though. As soon as she has to start interacting with other children she might be very antisocial. I think you need to get her used to being held by others, but definitely don't let people tell you that you aren't raising her properly just because she is attached to you.

Answer 3

i agree with you! everyone says i spoil my 5month old because i carry him to much but they shouldn't be complaining because its your baby and its not like they are the ones holding her

Answer 4

Nah. We all have preferences for who we want to be around and we're rational adults- it is completely natural for a baby to want to be around the person who meets her needs (safety, love, fun, feeding, etc). Also, nearly all babies go through a separation anxiety phase. If your worried that it may be a problem (that you can't leave her alone without her being in a panic) just gradually increase the amount of time she's exposed to others... the easiest for us has always been other kids, then adults

Answer 5

Well I would have to disagree that you can't spoil a child within the first two years.  Children can become accustomed to having certain things certain ways (a/k/a spoiled). :)  I really wouldn't worry whether she's spoiled or not.  So long as you're happy with it, doesn't matter what other people think.  I would enjoy every minute of it.  Children grown up fast and before you know she'll be wanting to assert her independence and you'll be longing for the days that she only wanted you to hold her.  

Answer 6

My almost 11 month old is the exact same way.  Only wants mommy because I am home with her all day.  I don't think its spoiling them.  They can only be home all day with mommy for so long, then they go to school and stuff.  Enjoy it and cherish it while you can.  I love the fact that by baby girl loves mommy so much and always wants to be around me!  Its a nice warm feeling.

Answer 7

Yes I agree with you. Mine is the same way.

Answer 8

I agree and I disagree :-)  I agree with you that at that age it's normal for a child to want to be with his/her mother.  I don't believe in forcing a child that age to go to someone else besides Mom or Dad.  We don't even leave them at that age for other people to watch.  I had a doctor's appointment recently, and the older children stayed with friends, but our 14-month-old came with us.

But, I disagree that it's not possible to spoil a child in the first 2 years.  I see children well before then who have already learned very well how to throw fits and get their way and get their parents to cater to their every demand.  They're capable well before the age of 2 of figuring out how to work the system to get what they want.

But, I don't think you're spoiling your 10 month old by not making her go to others.

Answer 9

You are right.  I also have a 10 month old son and I am a stay-at-home-mom.  My son does not like to be held by some people neither.  

Answer 10

Don't believe everything you read (ie., psych class). You can certainly spoil a child before 2 years of age. Trust me, I did it with my first (not intentionally, lol)! Stay at home moms with first kids tend to give the kids waaayyy too much attention and focus (I'm not criticizing you, I did the same thing, almost all of us do!).  But it's not necessarily a bad thing to spoil them, it just depends what the issue is. The problem you may run into, in your situation, is that you are going to have a real hard time going out/getting away when you want to, if she's that attached to only you, later when she's 2 or 3.  She'll just scream and cry the whole time.  

If she doesn't want to be held by strangers or people she hardly ever sees when you are around, that is quite normal. To a 10 month old, seeing someone less than once a week, or only in short bursts of time even if more often than once a week, makes that person a near stranger to them. Then she's just not comfortable because to her it's a stranger, and that's ok. But if it's someone she knows well, sees often and spends much time with, such as her Dad (assuming you all live together), then you should encourage her to go to him or whoever it is (people she knows well and sees often). Try to reassure her that the person loves her and wants to snuggle and play with her, that you'll be watching, and praise her with smiles and encouragement. When they are holding her, don't make her your complete focus of your attention by looking at her. Ask them to make it especially fun for her while they are holding her, they can make silly faces or talk funny to get her relaxed. Talk to other people, go clean the bathroom, anything to show her that you just aren't available at this very moment but that the other person will take good care of her. If she protests much, then ask the other person put her down (not hand her right back to you as that teaches her if she cries and protests she gets back to you), and try again another time. If you carry her around a lot when you're home with her, when nobody else is around, she is just so used to that and that is what feels right to her. Try to slowly give her more time on her own while you and her are at home (sit nearby, read a magazine and let her play by herself, things like that). But even if you can't teach/show her to be more comfortable with others, just go with the flow, she'll eventually outgrow it (though in the meantime, with much frustration on your and everyone else's part). And stop worrying about what other people tell you about her being spoiled. You don't know everything, neither do they, she's your kid and you just do what feels right and best by you.

Answer 11

you are absolutely right. we call ruby "clingmaster flash" because she has always been a MAJOR clinger. but now, at almost 15 months, she is a total charmer with strangers and very interested in people. at 10 months, she was still on my like glue. regardless, you are right about the psychology of it. by 18 months, most kids have firmly established their sense of security (or lack of it) in the world. until then, she needs what she wants where her parents are concerned, if that makes sense.