Spoiling her daughter; should I say something?

Question

My friend spoils her 4 year old more than I would have thought possible. Yesterday I watched her eat an entire bag of 'rainbow drops' and then ask for and get 2 iced-cakes a half hour before her dinner.

Plus she's always telling everyone what a 'genius' she is, right in front of her. Her kid is a massive show off, never does as she's told and is very cheeky to boot.

Should I say something to her? And if so how?

Answer 1

I understand that you want to say something, but please stay out of it.  It isn't your business, and being the girl's godmother most certainly does not give you the right to tell her mother how to raise her.  While I don't agree with spoiling children, it's her mother's decision and not up to you to interfere.  

Answer 2

This is a tough one.  every parent views their child as the best thing to ever grace the planet.  while it is annoying, the parent can't see anything beyond this.  She will probably be very upset with you if you confront her with this issue.  She might even begin to resent your parenting techniques.  I would just be super careful.  If it is a real issue, the child will soon develop behavioral issues.  Once this happens, your friend will probably be venting to you or asking you for advice.  This is when you want to step in and tell her to put her foot down with her daughter.  Until then, if you cherish your friendship with her, i would just keep my mouth closed.  Best of luck... I can only image how frustrating it is to watch a child you care about develop into a brat... =/

Answer 3

Sounds tough to be around that. I can relate. However, I wouldn't dream of telling her how to raise her kids. For one, I am a new parent am starting to understand now why sometimes people do the things they do. Maybe out of guilt, frustration, or just plain laziness. Sometimes people take the easy way out, like giving in to their child's demands, just to avoid an argument. Although it's probably not the best, let them make their mistakes and you learn from them when you have kids. As annoying as she may be...it's her problem!

Answer 4

No, cause it's not your job to tell your friend how to raise her kid. If there is no abuse or neglect, then it's really her choice how she raises her daughter. I know sometimes it's hard, cause we notice all the little mistakes other parents may make... but really, no parent likes to be told how to raise their child. She might be furious if you dare to intervein...

EDIT : Even if it is your god-daughter, as the lady after me said, if you value this relationship you should not say anything or else your friend may resent you. Plus, somehow, you are the godmother, not the mother.... Just make it clear with the child that when you babysit, rules at your home are different (it's what I do with my nephew... They now know that in my house they eat at the table, sit on the couch (don't jump on it), etc)

Answer 5

Is she telling you that her daughter is a genius for doing perfectly ordinary things? If so, I'd be inclined to try "oh, I thought most four year olds could do that?" said with a perfectly straight face, and not be drawn on it any further.

The food thing's difficult, but here you could probably say something like "wow, mine wouldn't eat a bite of dinner if I gave her that many snacks". That's not criticising her parenting, it's saying it wouldn't work for you. She'll probably ignore it, but she's unlikely to be insulted and it might make her think.

All you can do when you look after her is to be very careful that you don't encourage her to think she's a genius, and that you make an effort to help her understand that what matters is trying hard. Don't say "wow, that's the best picture ever", say "wow, you put such a lot of effort into that picture". That sort of thing.

Answer 6

you might say something, but mom will probably blow you off. wait until she starts school and the teachers can't deal with her. mom will have quite a mess to clean up then.

Answer 7

tell her in a blunt but nice fashion. i told my cousin that and she said :pft excuse me?!? expect that reaction. and if she disagrees then tell what you just typed say : what?!? how are you not spoiling her when you gave her this and that and when you asked her to do something she said no or got cheeky ( thats a possible argument of the situation) and then she might say dont tell me how to raise my child then say HEY im just trying to help you out. or say well apparently someone need to because evidently your not doing it right

P.S YOU GO GURL !

Answer 8

There's really no good way to criticize a friends parenting.  Honestly, I'm a little more concerned of what she's eating.  Sounds like she could be on her way to becoming another statistic of an overweight child.

Answer 9

Nope you shouldnt say anything. I dont think she's going to suddenly realize the error of her ways because you pointed out that she spoils her kid....more like she's going to resent you for saying she spoils her kid. Sadly there's no rules against raising spoiled brats. I dont think the genius thing is a big deal..It's good to have confidence..it's better than her telling her she's an idiot like I've seen some mothers telling their 4 year olds. I understand not wanting to babysit a spoiled brat so I'd just tell her flat out, shes your kid, you raise her how you see fit but when Im babysitting her, she's going to go by my rules, and I refuse to spoil her. My friends brother has a really spoiled kid that gets her way CONSTANTLY. I had to babysit her for a week straight, 12 hours a day. She was about 4 at the time. She expected the same spoiling from me that she got from her parents but she quickly learned that I didnt put up with that c**p, and her little fits that worked so well with her parents, got her nowhere with me. within a couple days she was very respectful and even went as far as asking my permission to play a video game ..... After her father had already come home.

Answer 10

Oh boy.  That does NOT sound good...must be pretty irritating to be around.  Unfortunately...I truly believe that if you value your relationship with this friend then you can't say a thing.  I don't know if you have any children but, if you don't, let me just say that it's a veeeeeeery touchy subject.  It's just a line people can RARELY (if ever) cross without hard feelings being had.  Chances are, if you say something, your friendship will suffer and she'll continue on with her child the way she always has...  I'm afraid this is a bite your tongue situation.

P.S. Her child just MUST be a genius, right?  Because she's playing her mother like a fiddle and getting everything she wants...she's working the genius angle hard with that! ;)

Hey...just had a thought after reading your update.  Maybe you should participate (as her godmother)...call her a genius all the time.  THEN randomly, a time later, when the child does something would rate something being said about her genius status...conspiratorally (spelling? CLEARLY I'm not a genius! :) lean over to your friend and whisper, "I'd tell her what a genius she is but I've just read that saying things like that too often can have a negative affect and create arrogance, that you're supposed to praise but in a way that focuses on the task (good job!, you did great!), not in a way that focuses on the fact that they're better than other kids...)  You won't be lying to your friend because you DID just read it here ;) and she can't really be all that upset about you just bringing up something you read.

As for the food/treat choices...not much you can do but maybe lean over and tickle her belly (the child's NOT the mothers ;) and say, "Wow, silly, dinner time is in half an hour...I bet this tummy will be too full."  Like you're just playing with the daughter and not sending a message to mommy...but maybe mommy will learn from it anyway.

Just a side note...don't do this too often or she'll catch on and become resentful of it even more when she realizes you're doing it on purpose.  Just do it about the important stuff...

Good luck!!!! :)

Answer 11

I have a feeling that if you tell her "It's me or the kid", you're going to lose the friendship.

Maybe if you can provide her with some credible evidence to show that how she is parenting can have bad consequences then she would change her approach.

It sounds like the kid is running the house, but then, maybe your friend is only wanting to give her daughter a happy and affirmative childhood.

Answer 12

If your friend is easy going then express your concerns, if not don't touch it with a ten foot pole, she may feel resentment!

Answer 13

I dont think so really becuase its up to the parent really how she treats her kids and then later when her kid is really spoilt she'll hopefully realise and have to change it .  

Answer 14

Don't say anything to her, she will think you are resentful because you don't have such a little genius. Keep your mouth shut your friend will learn the error of her ways in the long run.  

Answer 15

Oh boy. That does NOT sound good...must be pretty irritating to be around. Unfortunately...I truly believe that if you value your relationship with this friend then you can't say a thing. I don't know if you have any children but, if you don't, let me just say that it's a veeeeeeery touchy subject. It's just a line people can RARELY (if ever) cross without hard feelings being had. Chances are, if you say something, your friendship will suffer and she'll continue on with her child the way she always has... I'm afraid this is a bite your tongue situation.

P.S. Her child just MUST be a genius, right? Because she's playing her mother like a fiddle and getting everything she wants...she's working the genius angle hard with that!