Spouse Issues. I need your opinion!!!!?

Question

My wife and I recently got married. She's a few years older then me. Over the past year or so we lived together and then got married. Anyways. She doesn't understand why I don't want her talking To EX's from her past. I only want to protect our marriage. Now we've had this problem before we got married but I thought she out grew it and now its back again. *sidenote* because she had talked to an ex bf in the past we nearly seperated because he made her question our relationship. Since then I made it clear no talking or hanging out with EX's* I personally believe as being married that shouldn't be said but as you will read I must be wrong Recently we got in an arguement and she stormed off mad and went to a bar with an old fling of hers. I found out and asked her about it and she said I didn't need to know what she was doing. So I confronted her and we got in huge fight. Later in the week she apoligized and said she would do anything to make it up to me. I told her things were gonna have to change and that was the way it was gonna be. I laid down some rules and told her no more talking or hanging out or communicating with ex bfs or flings. Well a few days ago she began emailing him and by him I mean a ex fling instead of texting because she knew I couldn't check her emails but I could her phone records. So last night we got into another fight over it and we had just made up about a day before about the same fight. She stormed off and left her phone. Well she got and email from him and it was him talking **** on me. And her not objecting and some personal thing to the effect of why did I rush things and I don't know what to do and BS etc. Well when she came home I was ready to beat him and leave her but I love her too much. So we continued argueing for hours and finally I said do you want to stay married yes or no if yes then things are gonna be done my way if you don't want to do that then ill leave and we can get a divorce she said yes. But now I'm thinking and I curious as to why women can't leave the past behind them. Why can't they or should I say my wife trust my descions and realize I know what I'm talking about? And am I wrong to say she shouldn't hang out alone with ex bf's or flings. Keep in mind I let her do it for months with and ex bf and I nearly lost her. Now I say no more and I feel like the bad guy? I need advice, opinions, or a divorce attorney something I don't know what to do. I love her more then she will ever know. Am I wrong to try and control her friends or should I just give up? I'm worried that she will think the grass is greener on his side *EX fling* and leave me only to realize its not. But I'm not gonna wait for me to get hurt.

Answer 1

I think it is definitely wrong to "try to control her friends," and also remember that your wife has a mind of her own. Just because you think you are right..doesn't mean you always are.  You always need to hear her side of things and be ready to let her make her own decisions.  With that said, in this case I think you definitely ARE RIGHT.  Once you are married, it really is best to focus on your marriage and let old flings, romances, boyfriends go.  Even if it was some special circumstance, like your wife really was just friends with an old b/f...and nothing was going on, she's abusing that relationship and your marriage by running to him at a bar and texting or emailing negative things about you.  It doesnt sound like she is truly, 100% committed to your marriage at this point.  If you are young, she may still be immature and have some growing up to do.  She may feel like she's not really ready to give up options and dating, even though she's married.  One thing you could tell her is this:  Don't treat me in a way that you wouldn't want to be treated. Then ask her:  Would you want me to go around with ex-girlfriends? How would that make you feel?  That might click with her and get the message across.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

She must respect your request. There is no way the relationship works if she cannot honor your requests.  You need to ask her what she thinks is missing in your relationship that prompts her to use an argument with you to contact them.  If she loves you and cares for you she will come around.  Sometimes the less you push the more success you have.  Be observant and keep an eye on her phone and email.  If she lies...she is not trying

Answer 3

I'm not going to read all that.  Follow your heart and you'll be okay.

Answer 4

I think that you both ought to separate for awhile.

If you do not have trustin the relationship  then you have nothing!

Also, it will give you time to think and change and her too.

There people who are trained to help you with your problems. ( if you are really sure it is worth saving, relationship.)

Answer 5

An ex is an ex for a reason! I have been in a similar position to your wife, although i have children with my ex so it is slightly different. I was with him for 7 years in total & the last 3 years probably only for the sake of the children so being friends with him feels quite natural as thats all we were in the end anyway. But even if i were unhappy with my current partner my ex would be the last person i'd start a relationship with!

You won't be able to control who she is friends with -that will just push her away from you in the end. I would advise as a compramise trying to arrange any contact between them to be made with you there too then if either of them have any dishounorable intentions they won't be comfortable with this. Be aware though that if they are uncomfortable it doesn't neccesarily mean they're up to no good, they could be concerned about the way you may act going on whats happened in the past.

Looking at it from a different angle, maybe you just don't trust her. Ask yourself, have you been jealous or possesive in a previous relationship, or has she been unfaithful before to your knowledge? That would give you an indication of where this problem stems from.

But although i don't think how your tackling this issue is right, you're not on your own, it's a very common problem & i think it just illustrates the differences between men & women-she's probably contacting him completely innocently!

Good luck i hope you can work through it!

Answer 6

You only want to protect your relationship! But, the way you are doing it just makes her want to be defiant towards you because she feels you are controlling her, and you are. Every adult should never have to be told who they should talk to. However, if she is emotionally cheating on you, then shame on her. You cannot possibly protect from the world. Trust her,tell her that you do and let her make her wise decisions.If she truly loves you no one can take her away or even steal her. There is no such thing. We adults will be with whoever we want to be with regardless who come and go into our lives.Better yet,if she talks to exe's and still stays with you, that should send you a clear message that you are still the one for her. What makes a woman happy is to be themselves and not have our wings cut off.All,you can do is ask her to be involve in her circle of friends and when you form your very own opinion about them, let her know of it. She will decided to keep a friendship or not. But, give her the chance,otherwise she will resent you and eventually leave for good.That all said; you go and do the same and see how she handles it. GoOd LuCk!

Answer 7

I don't see a problem with her talking to her old BF's!

you are to controlling and jealous, get over it.

Answer 8

The only time a person should maintain a relationship with an ex is if that ex is a friend of your current partner, and there is no feelings of attraction between them, and your partner is secure in the friendship. I think it is a breeding ground for disaster hanging out with ex, as like weren't they once lovers, even if they hated each other, they share the common ground of once having been intamate, and if she can not understand than she is not the right one for you, be patient and the right one will come along, you have to move on and let her be,it is going to suck, but you will not be happy unless you are with someone that is on the same page with you about the topic.

Answer 9

You knew you married an attention ho.

Sorry but the writing is clearly on the wall and has been for quite some time.

Love yourself to know this is not right, s***w your dependent love for her.

Answer 10

I not sure I understand why at the end you would say "am I wrong to try and control her friends", up until that point I had not realized that is what you were trying to do.  Some people are okay with their others talking to their ex's but your girl seems to take it too far by involving your relationship in this equation.  I do not personally believe that once you marry someone and decide to spend your life with them that there is any reason at all to keep in contact with your past love lives, unless you are keeping them there for a reason.  She obviously doesn't care about how you feel, and for her to be talking about your s*x life with these guys is a slap in your face.  You will have to make your decision, because she is obviously not going to change, and if she is going to run off to a bar to go and get drunk with an ex, that is already trying to get in the middle of you two, every time you guys fight, she cares very little about your relationship.  If my husband, or if I, ever ran to an ex, the relationship would be over then and there.  You only run to someone else to comfort and console you if you don't want it at home.  If she hasn't already cheated on you, don't think she hasn't considered it, or that it won't happen, he is whispering in her ears.

Answer 11

dang!! how about some paragraphs.  you shouldn't have married her if you guys had problems.  you think that by getting married the problems with automatically go away?  how old are you?  you could only change yourself and no one else.

good luck

Answer 12

Your question speaks how terribly confused and boring person you are. Change yourselff and everything will change in your life.

Ta taa

Answer 13

She can't handle the reality of marriage.  You've tried your best, but now is time for you to let her go.  She's trouble with a capital T!  

Seek counsel and serve her.  Either you'll wind up divorced or you'll scare the SH** out her which will let her know that you're dead serious.  She might change her ways for awhile, but it sounds like she's just plain stupid and selfish and doesn't care about what you want, only herself.  Let her go.....