Spouse had affair...man lives 2 miles away...still texting...she denies physical contact...salvagable?

Question

she had an affair in Nov07...he started texting in March, 08 and they have texted and talked on the phone a lot until Jul08...when I found out. She swears there has been no physical contact...just talking..why and to what end?

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about this. How tough!

I guess you need to think things over....Men and women think and act differently. While I do not think cheating is ever right, I do believe some people- women, especially- have more "emotional" affaires than physical ones.

For men it's more of a physical thing, the s*x and the rush of the danger involved; for women it's more of finding comfort and feeling understood...women are more feelings-oriented than men.

Many times wives feel unappreciated and put down by their husbands, so they become easily hooked if another man compliments her. (I'm not excusing her behavior; I am just giving my 2 cents worth...)

I think both you and your wife should have a big, honest talk and decide what it is you want to do. If you decide to stay together and work things out, you will need to look for professional help and counseling. This means going to both a therapist AND a pastor/priest for help. And it won't be easy or pleasant, because you will need to talk about things that are not OK and things that have hurt you in the past.

It takes "two to tango" in a marriage. Some people can overcome this type of thing; but some cannot, even if they try hard.

So be careful, evaluate what it is YOU want, and then find out if she is willing to really focus on your marriage or not.

Find out soon....Living like this is terribly stressful and sad! Good luck.

Answer 2

Sounds like she is not willing to completely let him go.  If she is not willing to do this, then she is not wanting to salvage what she has with you.  She can not expect you to find this ok ....if she isn't willing to stop, I'm afraid it's over.

Answer 3

I'm sorry, but if she was really sorry and wanted to mend your relationship together, she would have cut off all contact with this other man altogether and refuse contact even if he tried to reach her. She says that there's no physical contact, but there obliviously some kind of emotional contact which can be just as worse and just as devastating to you if she was still sleeping with him. This form of contact is no doubt bothering you, even though she assumes it's harmless, and will make it more difficult to salvage your relationship. I would recommend asking her to cut off contact with the other man if she really loves you.

Answer 4

She has some nerve...

Personally, I could not be with someone like this but it is up to you.

You cannot maintain a healthy relationship without trust and she has proven time and time again that she is NOT trustworthy...

Question is - Do YOU intend on living this way?

I think you deserve more...

Good luck.

Answer 5

The marriage is over.  Don't even bother with an ultimatum...she's so into this other guy that she just blows off all your concerns.  Just because there was no physical contact, that doesn't mean she hasn't cheated on you (again) with phone s*x or sharing explicit pictures of each other.  Do you have access to her phone?  If you do, I'd check for pictures stored on her phone.  If you could, print them out or send them to your own phone so you'll have proof that she's been cheating on you.  That'll help in the divorce proceedings.

Answer 6

Even if she is no longer physically unfaithfull with him, which I do not really believe, she is emotionally unfaithful and cruel and humiliating for you. And physical unfaithfulness can restart any time.

Tell her you love her and suffering too much. Either she breaks all contacts with him or you will go for divorce. These things have a habit of increasing, and the more you put up with, the more contemptuously they will treat you.

Incidentally, if the other man has a wife, tell her.

Answer 7

Tell her to stop all contact and do it NOW.

Any further contact with this guy will result in a request for her to leave your house.

Maybe when she figures out you are serious that this will stop.

You might also point out that she might think less of this behavior if the shoe was on the other foot.

You might also suggest that her continuing contact indicates that she thinks she is not doing anything wrong. If that is the case then you need to throw her out.

Tell her that you believe she is lying about no physical contact and it matters not whether she denies it beacuse you believe she was banging this guy.

This behavior must stop now or there is no basis for a continued relationship with her.

It is time for honesty. It is past time for honesty and transparency in her behaivior.

Trust has been lost and cannot be regained while she continues to have any contact with him.

Tell her to change her behavior or get the h**l out of your house.

Either way, get yourself some therapy.

You need to find out where she hid you balls as well.

You DO NOT have to accept this behavior.

You have done it to long already.

Answer 8

Ask her that!!

You surly know alot about their relationship!  Get some balls and confront her!

Answer 9

look at it this way, cheaters are very selfish people, they KNOW what they did was wrong but they do it anyway. they are willing to risk everything they've worked for all for a fling. if people are going to be with someone else, they need to be man or woman enough to let their partner go instead of going behind their backs and betraying them in the worst possible way. it doesnt make any sense. when you confront her, shes lying to your face. leave, she doesnt deserve you,

Answer 10

Come on.... They are doing more than texting. Be smart.

Answer 11

I,m not sure how old you are but back in my days even now i would drive the 2 miles and take care of the situation and boot her butt out the door if she did not straiten up . to us old guys a man fooling around with our loved ones is no less then a terrorist act meaning harm and splitting up my family .