Staring in Germany?

Question

I've been living in Germany for 2 years now and noticed something. When I drive down my own road, or any other road in a town, the folks just STARE at you as you pass. The folks on my road all know me, but they don't nod, smile, wave or even blink, they just stare at me as I pass (even the kids). It always makes me feel like they're sending the vibe "what are YOU doing here?". I try to do the common American thing and wave or nod, and they just stare back at me. Is this a common cultural thing here, or do folks have some sort of animosity. It's not like I'm driving a Hummer or something, I ususally drive my German spec BMW, so I don't scream "American" coming down the road. Any thoughts???

Answer 1

Hi, I think this is how Germans are. And it depends where you are living in Germany. E.g. in Bavaria it is rarely that people do things like nodding or waving if they only know you just for 2 years. It takes at least 5 years until you get closer. And this is independent on your nationality: this experience is as the same for other Germans as for foreigners. This is the way we are. :-)

I even just say Hello and that's it. Then I leave....

We don't want to be rude. But we have different ways of living. We even don't realise that we stare I think or that you feel it like this. Maybe you should talk to some people and say more than only hello. We are not as open as other cultures are. We have to know s.o. better to become warm and to talk to him/ her.

Answer 2

Interesting your observation....I feel the same here in the US.

I live in the Midwest now and people (=Americans) must not ever have seen a foreigner nor talked to one. They stare and make comments like "you have a heavy dialect, where are you from?"

In the small towns here in the US people also stare when you drive down their roads and when they sit on their front porches or when they are on the sidewalk. Nobody waves here either. So I do not think "waving" is something American...

Could it be that they just stare at your beautiful car instead of you when you drive by?

Answer 3

Hi there,you have opened a very interesting topic. I just want to add some thoughts.

I lived in Germany (Eifel) for the first 30 years of my live. Small town, everybody knew who I was, I knew who everybody was. And I felt like you are describing pretty much every day. Driving or walking by people.

I am now (since years) in small town US, and it is very different. People wave and nod, whether they know you or not. I can understand how you feel. Are you by any chance in the Eifel? :-)

Answer 4

Beerchen has it right. Germans, especially from small towns, are very very reserved to "Foreigners", be they German from another town or from another country altogether. And no matter if you are driving a not "screaming-"I'm-American""-car:  the people in your street know you're not "one of them". Don't worry, They would do that with someone who moved from the next town or from Hamburg or from somewhere else in Germany, too, especially if you are in small town Bavaria. It's just the way they are. Happened to my family, and they had just moved about 60km from the town my parents grew up in to where I was born and grew up. We were still "Foreigners" five years ago, even though my parents had lived there six years in a rented appartement, built a house and had lived in that for another 24 years. Now, somehow, we made it into the "from here"-group. Don't ask me how.

Answer 5

I thought it was just me being over sensitive! *Smile*

I have lived in Germany for over 20 years now - in 6 different towns/cities in 3 different German States.

What can I say? That is just how it is(just like the 'Kitchen' and no closet things). And the comments here all echo that same sentiment. Since I am not with the US Military my Opel has plain old German license plates so they can not be looking at me because of my car.....

Then again I have my fun. When I travel to Bavaria I put on my Lederhosen(Tracht) and that really has the people on my street staring at me and wondering 'Was ist das fur ein Ami???'(That is not perfect German I know)

And yes, it will take years before they 'Warm Up' to you if they ever do at all. Do not worry about it. But, I would not wave back or anything. I just give them A look back to acknowledge that they are looking at me.

Enjoy your stay in Germany.

P.S. I live in an area near a US Army Base so an American living in their midst is nothing new, but I still get that 'Look'........

Answer 6

I agree with much of what my pre-posters have said about cultural differences, small towns, and license plates.  So I'm not going to try to explain the behavior as much as advise you to ignore and/or overcome it.  I've lived in N, W, and SW Germany and had overtly unwelcome looks everywhere.   First off, don't let it bother you, and if you want folks to get over it, YOU take the first step.  Wave, say hello or good morning ("Morgen" sounds almost like "morning", so just fake it!).  My neighbors now all wave or smile back, and strangers usually respond, though sometimes with a confused look:).  

BTW, the HK or AD plates are a dead give away, which is why we're swapping them out.

Answer 7

I am American and lived in Germany and travel there all the time. I have almost never had that problem. Maybe they like your car and do not even really notice you?

DO they say hi to you when you are on the street in person? I have always found Germans to be friendly. Sure no matter where you are in the World small villages and towns always tend to treat newbies a bit different until you have been accepted in the town as a real citizen, I have seen that all over the USA/

I bet they just like your BMW!!

Answer 8

Hahaha!   I've lived here now for 14 years, and I still haven't gotten used to the way Germans stare.  They're like backwoods hillbillies in that respect.   I think it's incredibly rude, especially when you walk down the street in your neighborhood, the people know you, and they just stare at you and ingnore your greeting.  I feel like asking them if they want an autograph or something.  Maybe they don't learn when they are children that it's not polite to stare.

Answer 9

I am a German and know exactly what you are talking about!

I am sorry to say but that is how Germans' are, they stare at strangers and what other peoole replied to your question, that it takes about 5 years to get closer to a German, ...... NO, wrong answer, it takes about 15 or more years to get closer to a person. Not to image that I used to live in an apaprtment complex with my parents in Germany and you were lucky when the neighbor said "Guten Tag" and living right next to each other for more than 10 years. OR, they closed their door very quickly that they didn't even have to say anything.

I could not image Americans being like this, they are so friendly and even people on the street say hello, you have never seen before.

German people are very self centered and at some point, I think they all believe that another person is going to attack them in a second if you talk to them.

I remember after living here in the US for several years, I went back to Germany with a positive feeling and also smiling at people just like they do in the US but their reply was a strange look like: "why in the world are you smiling at me" so there was no return or anything like that from them.

German people became generally very suspicious since 1989 when they opened the border as there now in Germany are probably living 80% more foreigners as before the wall was torn down. Many negative experiences also with foreigners, especially from the eastern countries. This however, shouldn't be a reason to act the same with with every stranger in a town, but that is just how it is.