Starting a family while in the military?

Question

Me and my fiance (who is in the army) plan on getting married right after I graduate from college. Basically "getting married right out of college" thing that a lot of people do. Anyway, we are in our 20s, and we always talked about having a family even before the engagement. Now I started thinking about this about an hour ago, about the financial side to it. Some people have told me who are in the military life, that they weren't getting taken care of while their spouses were out fighting the war and everything, and some had to use food stamps! I was so shocked to hear it! I didn't think it was possible! But the thing is, I want to know your experiences, having a family while in the military. Was it hard? Were u away in the war while your wife was pregnant? Did u have to live off paycheck to paycheck? I know that if we do have kids, that I wouldn't be able to work for a while. He would be the only one bringing home something for a while. And also, what are changes after you leave the military for good? My fiance is looking at becoming a police officer. He is a tanker right now. But I know a lot of people have a hard time finding jobs after they leave the military, including the right insurance. I plan on talking to my fiance about this later on tonight. Right now he is a little busy. however I am interested in hearing a lot of experiences on it. I don't even know if my fiance is aware of those kinds of stories. I plan on having a long talk with him about it tonight, because we are couple that try to be careful in making decisions like that. But I just heard so many shocking stories that I just had to ask for myself for a minute. Is it really that bad?

Answer 1

In my experience, well my husband was deployed when both our children were born! He left me with the first when I was five months pregnant and the other at six months. He didn’t come home on the first till he was ten months old. The other was a week shy of one. He hasn’t been home for any of our three year olds birthdays. He misses tons of holidays. It’s an emotional roller coaster with the kids. It can be very frustrating at times. They don’t understand and resent it when their daddy isn’t home. It’s hard on both your husband and the kids and takes a lot of patience. As far as money, it really depends on your husbands rank and years in the service. Plus how much you budget. Kids cost $$$, that’s a fact. Make sure you are ready to be a single mother with the burdens of a married woman. Everything will rest upon your shoulders and you have to be strong enough for your family. I would recommend that you guys hold off on kids for awhile. Get use to being a military wife before adding more emotions to the mix. Any more questions, I am happy to help.

Answer 2

I guess really it depends on his rank, but there is plenty of money going around for military families. Unless you just don't know what you are doing or have some ridiculous debt or something I don't know why you would have foodstamps.

Answer 3

if people in the military are using foodstamps its because they either dont know how to use birth control and have too many kids or they are really poor budget wise....we did get wic for a month when my son was born..that was it..but this was also back in the early 90's when your take home pay was around a grand for an e2 and that was for the month....now days...e4 and below have the option of living on base.something we did not...you can make it in the military...and have a family..use coupons when you shop for food at the commisssary...make sure you ask for military discounts..do not use credit cards..if you buy it make sure you can pay for it..end of story..that goes for military or civilian

Answer 4

First the money is what you make of it.  When my husband was deployed we had no issues financially but we also are pretty conservative with income.  We have two kids.  Now that being said your other points are another issue.  Yes you run a risk of being alone during your pregnancy.  Their is no guarantee he will be there for the birth.  No one likes that..but unfortunately you run the risk with the current state of affairs in the world.  My husband and I might be in that position as I am currently pregnant with our third child and he might be deploying again.  The job market is what it is in the civilian world.  If you aren't set on a certain location in the United States for after his military career you might find his chances of a good job increase.  I know their are several jobs out their that pay highly for individuals with clearances.  He should also take advantage of the GI Bill and get a college degree if he doesn't already have one.  The answer no it isn't that bad.  It isn't easy and I am NOT going to sugar coat it and say it is.  Remember also that during a deployment his income is tax free so in all actuality your financial situation should improve unless the deployment causes the spouse to quit a job (which by the way I had to and we were still fine).  

Answer 5

Anyone on foodstamps does not know how to budget properly. My husband went in as an E3. We already had one kid. I had to quit work b/c of a 2nd difficult pregnancy and b/c the daycare options in that town were not too good. But even so we did fine....and even managed to save up and buy a new car without having to do payments. We weren't living the high life or anything but we still got to go on short road trips, go out to eat, go to movies, have our son in taekwondo etc and we had a pretty nice apt for that area. One thing you have to keep in mind is that the base pay isn't all they get. If you just look at that number it seems impossible to live. But they also get food and housing allowances. That is going to be over 1000/mo altogether (depends on where you are stationed just how much housing allowance but the food is just under 300/mo)

So it's definetly possible to have kids in the military. Just make sure you have a budget that you stick to, look for good sales on things, and put money away when you can for a rainy day.

Answer 6

First, all the shocking stories about the Army not taking care of families is hogwash.  I have been around the Army MANY years and I seen many improvements.  When my husband first deployed, we didn't even get separation pay to off set the cost of extra childcare.  Now, Soldiers get a substantial amount of separation pay plus free childcare.  Many of the other things spouses say they aren't getting cared for are either improper planning on their part or they just don't want to be responsible for themselves.  We are adults and do not need "cared for".

Now, it seems you are focused on the financial side of Army life.  On top of a regular pay check, your spouse will receive either military housing or money to pay rent and utilities.  That should take away a bulk of your worries.  Take a look at his paycheck and calculate your monthly bills and add the BAH for your area and his separate rations.  Make you decision from this.  Being in the Army will not make you a millionaire by far, but with proper planning, like you are doing, it is very possible to be comfortable.