Starting contact with an estranged child?

Question

I have been estranged from my daughter for around 8 years now, and her mother is just allowing me to have some real contact with her. She evidently is having a lot of problems in schoool, and my ex realizes just how much this contact may help. How do I explain to here why I haven't had contact with her over the years without bad mouthing her mother, who drove the wedge in there?

Answer 1

I would explain to her that sometimes parents feel that it is best for 1 parent to take care of the child for awhile. I wouldn't say anything about her mother causing the problem, but I would just be there as much as you can now, and let bygones be bygones.

Answer 2

Just say that " Sometimes adults just don't make the right decisions" and leave it there.  No Blame.

Good Luck, Peace.

Answer 3

no matter who drove the wedge in there...you are the one who left it there, you have legal rights as a parent, and not taking every step to see your child is your own fault. if you finally want to be a good day, stop blaming the mother, face up, step up and get over whatever she did to you, good luck

Answer 4

tell her the truth whatever you reason was why would her mother not allow contact with her ?

do you have a problem or something that would cause you to be inconsistent

be honest with her

8 years is a long time to not have contact with a child if she is having problems maybe you could help by providing a tutor or tutoring yourself some counseling or something fun like spending one afternoon a week riding a bike a game, work on a project together build something

Answer 5

"Your mom and I have had some problems."

Don't get into things she doesn't need to know.

Answer 6

You didn't mention how old your daughter is. IF she's younger than ten, I'd say you can tell her you don't want to talk about why you weren't there before. You are here now, and you want to be there for her from now on. If she's older, then you will have to tell her some of it. That you and her mother were having too much trouble together, so it was better for her to not be around that kind of trouble. The only way to keep her from seeing you and her mother fighting was to stay away.