Stay at Home Mom burn out?

Question

I've been staying at home since my oldest was born. I have 2 still at home now...ages 1 1/2 and 2 1/2. I just feel like I'm done...however for economic reasons it actually would cost me money to work because I'd have daycare (225 per week for the youngest 2, then after school care), plus gas, eating out more because I'd be gone later and not as likely to cook etc. it would actually cost me money to work! My husband hardly helps, he does help a little on Sunday, but doesn't help me clean during the week. He doesn't hep with punishment--that's all me, and it's becoming harder and harder not to lose my cool because I'm so tired. I cook every meal starting with breakfast, packing lunches, cooking dinner, I run all the errands, my husband doesn't even make telephone calls I make them all, even his.. On the weekend he sleeps all day Saturday because he's so tired from work (he works about 45 hours a week...not to belittle that but I work a lot more than that), and on Sunday he mows the lawn and helps with laundry, after he sleeps until 10, and eats a huge breakfast. I've tried taking classes both over the net, and at a school at night, but instead of feeling like I have time for myself, I actually feel more stressed because I can't find time to do my homework.

I should mention that my family lives 6 hours away, and his lives further (both sets of our parents moved away right before we got married...), so it isn't like the grandparents ever watch the kids and give us time alone. I have no real friends that are willing/able to watch kids so we don't get babysitters for date night (we haven't been out alone since like our 2nd anniversary).

Has anyone felt this way? Basically trapped? I mean I love my kids don't get me wrong, but I never get any type of a break, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Answer 1

I hear you!  When I was married, I stayed at home with the kids and took care of EVERYTHING.  My husband felt that since he earned the money and I had the PRIVILEGE to just sit around at home, he shouldn't have to do anything else.  We got divorced.

Now I'm a single mom.  I work 40 hours a week PLUS do everything at home.  Talk about tired and trapped!

You need to realize that even if you did get a job outside the home, things probably wouldn't change a whole lot.  Try to look on the positive side of the situation . . . you get to be home with your little ones.  You're there for the older ones when they get home from school.  You're not tied to some job you hate just to pay the bills.  Once we see how good our lives really are, it's not as easy to get dragged down by the piddly details.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Hey there! I have never posted any answers on this site, but I found your question because I'm a stay at home mom of four kids, 7 and under, and am feeling so burned out at the moment that I googled "burned out mom", and hence, found your posting. I know exactly how you feel! My husband is one of the good guys, if by good guy you mean: unloads the dishwasher once a week, cooks breakfast on Sunday mornings, and does some bedtimes. He works fuul-time to support us, but also takes 3 hours every Saturday morning to play basketball, plays softball one night a week, and has one meeting every 2-3 weeks that keeps him out till after 10pm. On the days that he gets home after bedtime, I will be have been "on" for 14-16 hours by myself. On the days he's home at 6pm, my "workday" is still 12-14 hours long. And its' so hard to describe what those days are like: on-demand nursing, negotiating all the squabbles, the constant kid noise, feeling like your head is so filled with chatter and demands and to-do's that you can't even think straight. And somehow, even being a SAHM, I can hardly find the time to play with my kids; many times, I feel like I'm just constantly present for them, but not necessarily involved- to be brutally honest, "playing" bores me to tears! So then there's the never ending guilt...and all of this plays out in relative isolation. It isn't easy! Anyhow, now that I've vented about my own situation, so you know I can relate, here are some things I try  to do: I yell back at my inner voice. I schedule "me" time, it isn't as often as I'd like, but I hardly ever let it be more than 2 weeks, when I head out the door to get my hair done, sit in a bookstore, even go to the chiropractor, I feel the voice guilting me and I "yell" back with the reminders of how much my husband does for himself, etc. I also often remingd myself of what I call the "no way, no how". Let me explain: when a non-full time mom makes me feel like she works, and still spends "quality" time with her kid(s), I remind myself of the reality: there is "no way, no how". What really goes on between the hours of 6pm and 8-9pm, and on the weekends? These are the hours my husband sees our children. There is no way he is even remotely raising them, and he's an involved dad. So, there is "no way, no how" that a mom that sees her kids part-time is raising them. So, by rejecting a lot of the "commom myths" out there that make SAHM moms feel like slackers I try to chip away at my own insecurities. We need to validate ourselves. We are doing the most important job in the world and when we do the best we can, even on those days when we feel we did terribly, we are still superstars for daring to take on such an impossible task. Many parents wouldn't last a week!