Stay at home Mothers, does your husband give you a set amount?

Question

of money for housekeeping, shopping, etc...every week or do you have to ask when you need money? I have to ask which annoys me as it annoys him! I havent ever thought to tell him I need a set amount but I think I will....what arrangement do you have? We dont have joint accounts...we have a joint savings account but our current accounts are seperate which was my idea...how do you think is the best way to manage things? Please dont anyone tell me to go to work as I have two children one of which is 3 and the other is 4 months and my husband does earn a good living and we would rather I was home whilst they are small....

Answer 1

I am a working mother but we have a set budget for everything.  We grocery shop every two weeks with the same amount. I have money on the other week for milk and what not. I have a weekly gas budget. If he gets annoyed when you ask for money something needs to be set up. You should not have to ask anyway.

Answer 2

consider babysitting for families in your neighbourhood during the day.. you dont have to leave home you can be with your children constantly.. then you can make money.. and then open your own bank account.

Answer 3

You shouldnt have to ask for money, thats really bad like he's in controll of you, my hubby lets me keep my mat allowance for myself if i ever want anything and he pays for everything else like shopping ,petrol, my car but we arent rich i have a 3 yr old and a baby due on wed.

Answer 4

I usually ask for what I need but only as a courtesy. I can take what I need but I ask just to be sure I am not overspending. I take care of the bills too so I usually know just what is available unless he has added expenses which do come up at times.

Answer 5

Well I am not a stay at home mother yet. When my man gets his raise to Department head in September I am gonna go part time if not stay at home all together we have a 6 yr old and will have a new born. We have agreed to keep seprate accounts as well but that I will have a debit card to his account for house hold shopping. I can get what ever is needed for the house. We both know the budget and how much is available I will just have to keep track of what I spend.

We sat down when we moved into the place we are in now and went over how much we needed monthly for each thing, with a little to spare. Maybe you should do something similar. Then you don't have to ask at all, You have that set and you just monitor what you spend.

Answer 6

No, I don't ask, I just spend we have one joint account.  We are accountable to each other by telling the other what was spent on things like groceries and gas.  I always let him know how much I spent at the mall or out shopping for things.   If it's over a set amount we approve it with the other.  We aren't perfect at it, but trying to get better.

I remember my Mom only getting a set amount for groceries and herself for the week.  Sometimes we would get less food so she could get a much needed outfit.  I don't like that method.

Even though the paycheck is not in my name, it is my money too.  As a couple we are responsible to discuss the finances together.  If I notice we or he is spending money on frivolous things or that we need to cut back on something I have the right to bring it up as does he to me, if I splurge on something that was unnecessary.

Answer 7

We have a joint account and I am responsible for it, so I pay bills, groceries, etc. Our general rule is that if one of us wants to buy something over $100 or $200 we just tell each other first so that we are both aware what's going through the account.

Answer 8

My husband and i have a joint account. Every month we each get the same set amount that is in effect pocket money. We have another joint account for bills so an amount goes in to cover all bills. Then some goes into joint savings and the rest is for food and living. He never restricts me to a set amount, if i'm staying at home to bring up our daughter it's OUR money. We can afford for me to stay at home so for that reason whilst she's small i want to be with her and teach her and expierence all of her firsts. He can stay at home and i'll go to work if he likes as i'm able to earn the same but i know it'd drive him crazy!!

Answer 9

I'm not a stay at home mom... in fact my husband is a stay at home dad while he attends college... we always have cash on the both of us for small things and I take care of all the bill paying and shopping as I would rather do this... if he wants money for anything (and we have seperate accounts as well) he will take the debit card or go to the ATM and pull it out... he'll ask if it's a bigger purchase just to make sure I am okay with it but for the most part we both know our financial situation and what is extra and neither of us asks one another to buy simple things such as groceries and what not... we keep track of the money using the check book register (yes we both use one for my account and one for his so we always know how much money is in there) and just grab the ATM if we don't have enough cash in hand for what we need or want... it works for us... though sometimes my hubby gets a little spending happy.

Answer 10

I think that you should sit down and discuss having a joint banking account or just an account for all the household needs. and if he says no then tell him that he needs to start giving you so much money a week unless he wants to bring take out home everynight

Answer 11

i dont have to ask cause i take care of all that (he has to ask me eve though he makes the money due to where his job puts him ) so in our case i have alotted a certain amount of money in our funds for him to get whatever he needs and such and i try to keep him as up to date as possible so i would suggest that if your both available try doing your budget together that way you both know whats coming in and out and can go from there

Answer 12

Your are not the first person to have kids, go to work if you need money. Sorry but if he is not giving you money it must be for a reason.

Answer 13

I am a stay-at-home mom, but I work from home. My friend is a stay at home mom and this is what her family does.

Her husband gets paid twice a month. Each of them are assigned a paycheck and certain bills that need to be paid with each. He gets one paycheck and pays certain bills, and she gets the other one and pays certain bills. They are each in charge of the paycheck that is assigned to them. They have one account and the extra money stays in there. They each know the balance of the "extra money" and they spend wisely telling each other what they have spent. They have a budget for every need, so whatever is left is indeed extra money/spendable.

If there is a big something that needs to be bought, the decision is made together...the husband does not come home and say "Surprise, I bought a brand new big screen TV"!

Answer 14

When i was married I handled the bills and so he would deposit the check in the account and give me the reciept so I would add it to the book.  I was probably more picky about money being spent than he was.  I was staying at home at the time and we discovered that it was easier for him to let me know what was deposited, me pay the bills and let him know if there was any extra for him to go out with his friends or anything.  That way i knew what could be spent on diapers and stuff for the baby as well.

Answer 15

I don't ever ask for money, I do the shopping and pay the bills so I handle all of our money.

Answer 16

well me and my husband share everything, I too am a stay at home mommy my husband works his butt off but I never have to ask him for anything he always tells me my stuff is your stuff we have  the same bank acct and everything so its up to you on how your relationship is every couple is different my parents don't have the same acct and my mom does what you do and she hates it so much me I love the way we are and I don't feel like a child asking for an allowance.

Answer 17

well i dont ask i have the bank card for his account and i deal with paying all the bills and take out however much i need, he prefers it  this way too as everything gets paid and im not taking the p**s spending heaps of money on things i dont need i just buy what i need and when he needs money he just asks me to take it out for him, works well for us anyway.

Answer 18

Hiya Daisy,

One option would be to have a joint current account separate from your personal ones.  My brother and sister in law do this as they like their 'own' money to spend on themselves without having to discuss or 'ask permission' from each other (especially when it comes to buying gifts)  but the join one pays the bills etc - basically the 'joint' expenditure.

Each of them has a direct debit paying into this account each month, proportionate to their earnings (he works in the city and earns a LOT more than her) and I believe the joint account has the direct debits for such things as gas bills, phone, mortgage.

She can then access this money (as she manages the house) but they keep their own spending money.

My own situation is different -  I manage the money, joint account.  He wouldn't even know how to access the online bank account!

Answer 19

Me and my husband have a joint account from which everything comes. I don't ask him for money, I just spend the money I need from our joint account. I never understand why couples who are married and have children feel the need to keep their money seperate, although most couples I know seem to do this. Me and my husband never argue about money and it's never an issue that it's all in one place.

Answer 20

I am the same, i have a 3 yo and am pregnant, we have seperate savings accounts, a joint cheque account for bills, a joint visa debit account for shopping and a savings account for our daughter, my partner always makes sure the visa debit account doesnt go below $500 (eg. if i spend during the day he tops it up when he gets home from work)

Answer 21

I'm a stay at home mum but we have a joint acct which my husbands wages get paid directly in to. I have a debit card so when i do the shopping etc i just use my card. Even when he does a private job and gets paid cash, he'll come home and give me the money to put in my purse or the bank. When he wants money he'll ask me. He hates to carry cash on him. If u do need a set amount each week, just tell him to give u what u need for the week or put yr name on his current acct and use a debit card.

Answer 22

Luckily I tell my partner what needs to be paid and he pays it. If I need something for myself (which isn't THAT often), he'll hand over the credit card and send me to amazon! We do the grocery shopping together so there's no problem there. Oh and our accounts are separate - mine is pretty much just there in case I win the lotto.

He's a stark contrast to my ex (thanks for reminding me!!). He would give me about $20 per week. To feed us. To pay bills. $20. Then he'd carry on about how I was always asking for money. I started eating at Mum's house, never filled the cupboards, never paid the bills and used my precious $20 on wine and drink it in front of him. He was a real t**d and what I should have done was stick the $20 up his bum while he was asleep.

Um.. I had an answer for you but I've totally lost my train of thought now!

Explaining how you feel is usually the best way around these tricky issues. Good luck!

Answer 23

I'm a stay at home Mum with 2 boys aged 2 and a half and 3 months.  My husband thinks this question is very funny as he just gives me the cards to his bank account and I deal with the money!  In fact - he usually asks ME if he wants money to go out!  Not that eaither of us need permission from the other, it's just a simple case of me being more aware of how much cash we have spare.  I'm not sure if this is unusual or not as my Mum says that she always dealt with the finances too when my father was alive. I earn a small amount through childminding, which is usually paid in cash, but the bulk of our money comes from my husband's wage.

Answer 24

I'm in exactly the same situation  - also with separate bank accounts.

My husband puts in a set amount every month, and I pay some of the household bills out of that and the rest is groceries/clothes etc.  I frequently ask for more and I hate it because I feel I have to account for what I've spent (although usually he's not interested really).  

I think the answer is to have a set amount with an agreement that some months you'll need more - e.g. school uniforms or before you go on holiday.  We need to stop feeling guilty for asking - it's not our fault that we don't have our own income as we look after our children - we're very lucky to be in this situation.

Answer 25

All the bills come out of his account and we do the supermarket shop online using his card, he gives me £60 a month for any top shopping that needs doing and I also have child benifit (the one everyone gets) paid into my account, that is usually enough for us!

Answer 26

Sit down with hubby and work out what you need as a weekly budget - if correctly worked out - you will have enough for your std fare, trips to activity centres and possibly save on the side for a rainy day or a luxury trip for you and hubby once littlest is a bit more grown up. Once per month ask him to do the shopping with the kids so he knows what it feels like - it will stop him from arguing too much on costs - you sound sensible so I am sure whatever you work out will be the best for your family circumstances

Answer 27

Hi nope we just put the money together as I sort out all the bills and things we will just go through whats wat and spend or save the money that is left, we dont have joint accounts but when he gets paid we just take out what we need etc. When I am working we put our money together and take out what we need that way.

We believe that when we are in a relationship we half everything etc and sort everthing out together, Rather than me be given money for the week, if my hubby gave me money then thats even better but we sort everthing out together or he lets me do it and give him whats left lol after bills are paid.

I know someone whos hubby used to give them a set amount and once its gone its gone which I dont think is totally fair as nowadays everthing is so expensive and what you had can go within a day especially if you have children.