Stay at home mom contemplating selfish hobby?

Question

I have been a stay at home mom (2 and 3 year old) for 3 years now while also running a home daycare. I have been really meaning to finish school in the meantime but haven’t gotten to it. I am only about a year away. I recently got an offer from a local college to play softball (I played softball for college 5 years ago and didn’t finish all my years of eligibility) while I go to school. I met with the coach and they were able to get me the minimum online and night classes. I would have practice for 3 hours a day Monday-Thursday which I would hire helpers for with the home daycare and my kids. When I asked my family (husband included) about it they said I was being selfish since I am obviously a lot older than most college players ( I'm 25) and that it would only be for me as a hobby. They want me to go to school but not both. I really want to play softball for many selfish reasons. I have been in a ‘slump’ mentally and emotionally for the last year with my daughter being diagnosed with autism, family problems and basically being confined to a house for 6 days a week has really taken a tool on me. This would be a release for me but my family is right it would only benefit me. I flipped a coin and it landed on heads which was for playing but realistically how do I outweigh this?

Answer 1

Hi Hon... it's NEVER selfish to take time out for yourself.  Especially when you are raising your children and working a job.  You are not neglecting your family by playing softball.  NO way!  

I think that it's good for every mother to get into an activity once in a while.  And i think that it's also a good idea for any mom to take time out for herself for a few hours every week to relax or do something enjoyable without the kids or husband if and when she needs it.

You will be doing everyone a favor, including yourself.  I'm sure that getting away from the same old schedule will be refreshing, will improve your state of mind and help you to let go of your problems, and in the end, enhance your mood and outlook on life.

"They" might want you to go to school, but not both, but what do YOU want?  It has to be difficult dealing with little kids all day, day in and day out with little interaction from other adults.  It's a much-needed service you are providing, and you are also raising your kids at the same time.  Not easily done.  I don't know how you do it, to be honest.

You could always let your husband know what you said here - you feel confined, and need the release.  And it's only for a season of softball... it's not like you'll be doing this forever.

Take care of YOU...

Answer 2

Sometimes you have to do things for yourself too.  You give most of your time to everyone else in your family, and it's time you had some time for yourself too.  I mean, if you help out around the house and such most of the day, then what can a few hours hurt, especially since you say you've been in a slump.  So what if you are older than other college players? The school obviously thinks you have potential or they wouldn't have offered you the opportunity.  I can see your family's point, however I know that if you sacrifice all of yourself, do things always only for other people, you can become ill.  You have to do things for yourself too.  It's not healthy to not take time for yourself once and a while.  We are a social society, but we are individuals within this society and must be considerate of both others AND ourselves in order to be healthy.  It is not selfish to take some time for yourself as long as you still make time to take care of whatever family responsibilities you may have...  It just take finding the right balance.  Also, even if you do go to school and hire helpers and daycare, it wouldn't be forever, just for awhile.  A temporary thing.  It's not like you're abandoning your family.  You're making sure they are well taken care of for the time you are taking to improve yourself.  Completing your schooling can open many doors to other opportunities that can make your family's life better too, depending on your goals.   Whatever you decide to do about playing for the school or not, and completing school or not, please make sure you do something that you really enjoy, be it softball or something else.  You'll find the right balance.  Good luck.

Answer 3

This is just my opinion.   I understand your frustration with your home situation.  BUT you have a job.  Your day care business.  These people hired you to take care of their kids, not some helpers.   And I wonder if you could lose your license if you were away from the job 12 or more hours a week.  

If you want to pursue this hobby, then give up the daycare business and get a sitter for your children.  If you need the money from the business to live on, then you need to find some other hobby that won't take you away from home for that length of time.  

Sometimes we have to give up things that we want to do.  That is what it means to become an adult.  You aren't a college kid anymore.  You are a married woman with a family, and they should come first.   Playing softball won't benefit your family.   Finishing school will.

So I say concentrate on finishing school, and find some other hobby to satisfy you.  

Answer 4

AN HERO

Answer 5

Wanting to finish school and to play a sport is not selfish. Are you only allowed to do things that benefit other people? You are selfish because you are older than the other women? I don't understand that either. I would go back to school and play softball. You can do things for yourself and not be selfish. I don't know why they are telling you that you are selfish. It sounds like this is what you need. Sometimes you have to think of yourself also. When we marry and have children everyone expects you to forget about yourself. Sometimes you have to but not always. You still need things out of life and you need to enjoy your life also.  

Answer 6

Go for it girl-you definitely need some "me time"-you must be burnt out, overworked, and anyone with a child with autism needs respite. Will they call you selfish for having a nervous breakdown??