Stay at home mom of a one and two year old, how do you, as a mom, accomplish everything?

Question

Here I am, sitting at the computer in tears. I cleaned house today, and I always feel guilty because I am not spending every waking minute with my children. I feel like such a horrible mother by cleaning and letting them play by themselves. I feel pulled in two different directions. My husband works about 60 hours a week, and I clean up everything after him. I kinda feel it's my way of showing my love for him and honoring him because he works so hard for us. We live in a really nice three bedroom 3 bath house, it's REALLY big, our rent is only three hundred a month because the landlord knows us and they are rich and money is nothing to them. Anyway, I still have two loads of laundry and I have to clean the utlity room and sweep and mop tonight and here it is almost midnight. I have not taken any me time since I had our two year old. I have not even taken a bubble bath in two years. I almost feel I don't deserve any me time because I havent accomplished all that needs doing . Is it ok to let my kids play by themselves while I clean? They are very happy and never cry when I clean, I don't know why I just feel like a bad mom when I do this. How long is it okay for them to play by themselves in the living room or their bedrooms? My dream is to one day have my home look like Martha Stewart came in and decorated it and for me to lay my head down on my pillow at night and know that my entire house is clean and I won't have to wake up to a mess. Sorry if this was a bit long and thank you for replies!

Answer 1

I am also a stay at home mom of a 1 and 2 year old with a husband who works 50 plus hours a week as well 67 this last week...and I feel exactly the same! i clean up behind all of them!...I have them on a great nap schedule and they take their naps together (my children)...That is the 2-3 hours I get to clean as well as spend time to myself!...that way I do have time with them...But I also feel that no matter how much I clean and clean and clean its never clean!....Its a fact of life, to being a parent whether stay at home or not!...As for the Martha Stewart idea dont dream of that til the day your kids are out the house!but as I said I fully agree with everything you have said!

My house will never be fully clean daily without the help of a maid!

Answer 2

I think there are lots of moms here that can identify with you.

Firstly, it is fine that you clean while the children play.  It is good and IMPORTANT that you clean while they play because your children are going to learn about cleanliness habits from watching you clean.  They will learn that when something spills on the floor that someone has to clean it and they'll learn HOW to clean it.  (BTW, 2 years old is old enough to start learning how to wipe up a spill.  They won't do a good job but it starts the process and makes the toddler feel good about fixing their mistakes.  Keep washclothes in an easy to reach place and they'll do it themselves after you show 'em how.)  But, set a certain time of day as the time when you do the majority of your cleaning.  This way the kids will know that you are busy, maybe after breakfast, and that you WILL be available to play with them at, maybe, snack time and until their naptime.

I have the Martha Stewart dream too, but until your kids hit the 4 - 5 year mark, your going to have a lot of work on your hands.  Be realistic.  

Here are my suggestions for you.

1.  Allow yourself one evening a week when you do NOT clean anything except the dirty dishes, table, and kitchen countertops.  Then, go take your bubble bath and ENJOY IT, because you work hard all week and DESERVE to have an evening of relaxation.  Even if it's just one hour of relaxation.

2.  Do laundry in the mornings so you can have it put away by afternoon.  NEVER stay up past 9pm just to do laundry!  How can you expect to be a good wife and mother if your exhausted!?  You MUST make sure you are getting enough rest.  If you're staying up past 9pm it should be to read a nice book, or trim your toenails, or cuddle with hubby.

3.  Start NOW to teach your kids to put their toys away when they're done with them.  If they're old enough to take a toy OFF a shelf, then they're old enough to put it BACK.  It takes more effort now for you to teach them, but it will save you years of cleaning up after them.  If the shelf seems to difficult, then get a nice sturdy basket.  Make cleaning up a fun game and clean up toys before snacktime so there's a built-in reward.

4.  Make a cleaning schedule.  

Monday: change the sheets

Tuesday: mop all floors

Wednesday: clean bathrooms

Thursday: grocery shopping

Friday: put everything away that's out of place

Do 1 - 2 loads of laundry every morning of the week, then don't worry about it on the weekend.  Kitchen and vacuuming daily (for living rooms, not bedrooms daily).

You're doing a great job, but you're probably doing too much.  I'd make a goal to have your cleaning done as early in the day as possible, at least by 4pm.  And get to bed at a decent hour so you can be a good mom tomorrow.

Answer 3

Oh sweetie! You know what? Every friday I clean up so that it's easy for me. Because you know my son who is 11 months old he like to make a mess I let him make a mess because I want him to have fun cause if I keep clean freak it will not make him have fun, Why don't you clean every friday or when kids go to bed you can clean up every night so when the kids wake up in early morning they can play. If someone visit you they will understand cause of kids always make a mess.  You said you have not bath in 2 years? Why don't you set bath and go bath with your kids? it's will so much fun if you all play in bath. You should thankful have husband and have kids, so be happy. God bless!

Answer 4

reality is a problem ony, anyway you have to manage it dear.

Answer 5

Um ... you sound a little obsessed about the cleaning thing.  A tiny touch OCD.  You also sound stressed out and a little bit depressed.  To answer your question though, so long as there's absolutely no way the two of them can hurt themselves when you're not looking, then sure, get the cleaning done around them.  My son used to like riding on the vacuum cleaner when he was little - made it a little bit awkward for me, but fun for him at the same time.

Answer 6

It's fine to let the kids play alone as long as you are nearby and you know they are safe (like they aren't playing with powerpoints or something). You seriously need to just stop though. Stop everything and take a bubble bath. Let the washing pile up a little. You sound like you're not enjoying life at all. Pack a picnic and take your kids to the playground for an hour or 2. You just need to get out of your usual routine. Maybe you could hire a cleaner to come in and help every now and then? This could reduce your load a little. I don't like mess much either but when you've got 2 kids and a husband (I am in the same boat), mess is just a fact of life. I clean while my kids are napping during the day and if I don't get everything done by the time they wake then it will get done tomorrow. The mess isn't going anywhere believe me! I think you should also tell your hubby how you are feeling because he can give you the most support out of everyone. Best of luck.

Answer 7

he works about 60 hours aweek, rent is $300.00 hummmmm i think that you should hire a maid ,offer live in for payment or at least reduced wages ,then you could have some you time ,stop crying and stop the self dout ,get in the tub its been 2 yrs since last bubble bath ,you must be reakin girl  lol j/k i know you have had a bath or a shower in 2 yrs or at least i hope so ,maybe that's the reason your hubby is playin so much poker on line too .

Answer 8

I know how you feel we have 4 children all under the age of 6.Not only does my husband work like that but also attends school full time. I also feel like the house has to be clean or iam not doing my job as a stay at home mom and if the house gets a little dirty i feel worse for my kids being in a "dirty home". I have learned to give my kids things they can clean  right along with me that away they are not alone and we are doing something together.I bought this little kid cleaning kit and they think its great. Once we get done then we go outside and play or do whatever is planned for the day.

My husband now watches the kids twice a week in the evenings to give me some alone time to do whatever I want it reduces alot of stress try talking to your husband about doing this for yourself as well.

Answer 9

You know what? Go take a bubble bath. Just do it. Let the cleaning go. No one (!) expects any household with children to be Martha Stewart-perfect. You shouldn't expect it of yourself either. Cut yourself some slack.

Answer 10

STOP!!  You don't have to be perfect or have the perfect house!!  It is hard work to keep everything perfect when you have 2 toddlers.  Tell your hubby that you want him to come home to a perfect house, wife and family but that you are overwhelmed right now.  Tell him that you need a date with him.  That you need a night out with the girls.  The laundry can wait until tomorrow, your husband will NOT notice that you didn not mop tonight and you NEED to take a bubble bath.  

Put the mop down.  Fill the tub and take a bath.  You will never get everything taken care of if you don't take care of yourself first!!  It will make you a happier and healthier mom.

ps...Martha Stewart has people working for her.  Her house would be a disaster if she didn't have hired help!!!!!

Answer 11

Hey sweetie....come on dear give yourself a break. You know what kids love...kids love a smiling mom and same goes for hubbies...they love smiling wives. Rest all is secondary...or maybe completely unimportant.

Its very natural for u to feel this way...I am a work from home mom & my DH also has a very tight work schedule. If you see me now, my room is completely upside down & I am sitting here on the PC writing to you:) Even I have my share of guilt trips...but have tried to cut them short.

Tell you what, pls accept, you have only 24hours....and you cannot do everything. Secondly, its perfectly ok...in fact good for the kids if they play by themselves, provided they are safe. Alternatively, you can involve the kids in helping you out in the cleaning....trust me these tiny tots love it. This way, you'll be spending time with them & getting your work done too. They may not make a major contribution, save moving pillows here & there and throwing the litter in the dustbin, but it will serve many purposes. You'll have them around you, they'll get that feeling of importance that they are doing something for momma & thirdly they'll inculcate good habits of cleanliness:)

Also, fill up a kiddy pool or even a bucket of water in your bathroom & let the kids play while you soak yourself in a bubble bath:)

And 1 cleaning tip if you want to do it for your DH...keep "your" room clean...thats the only thing they actually notice...a clean place to lay their head & a smiling wife by their side:)

Smile sweetie..

Luv