Stay at home moms when you first quit your job...?

Question

how did you deal? i have a really good job right now, my husband and i plan on having more children not that far apart in age. i look forward to being a stay at home mom, but i have some reservations. today i jokingly said i was going to save my checkstub from last payperiod so i could show our kids that i wasnt always a non worker and i used to make lots of money. my husband told me that i shouldnt feel bad about not bringing in any money( he makes good money too) but i still do. how did you transition from earning a paycheck, to completely depending on your husbands income, and not feel like you were a free loader? i am 26 years old and have had a job since i was 13. i have always insisted on being able to provide for myself. this is really hard for me.

Answer 1

Getting paid in childrens love and watching them grow is more than money can offer you.

You aren't a free loader, you'll be working your butt off :)

I haven't quit yet.....baby not born, but when I do I will just make sure to look after my partner. That will make me feel likes less of a free loader. I'll do the housework and dinner etc.  

Answer 2

Oh, I was in a similar position as you. I had worked since I was 12 and was 30 when we had our son, two years after we got married. I was the higher income earner, too, but am a SAHM.

Well, I did have some maternity leave and unemployment benefits for about eight months. Then I withdrew some pension money.

But, above all, you must know that if a SAHM were paid by her husband for the work, it's worth approximately $130,000. (Of course we all know it's worth more, there is NO amount which could pay enough... it's too wonderful.)

YOU are the one who needs to change up your attitude a bit. Your money as husband and wife is combined money - so whatever is needed or wanted by you, you still buy within reason or after discussion - but you need to not make this a problem. I sure hope your husband won't make you feel that way, my husband never did.

I always knew that the 'job' I was doing as a SAHM was more important than any other in the world, and it was amazing to raise our son this way, our family benefited, and our marriage strengthened.

You'll see your worth as a mom, not in terms of dollars, but in terms of what you are doing for your children and your husband.

:)

Answer 3

You don't have to quit forever. I quit working when I was 7 months pregnant with number 1 and went back to work when number 2 was 18 months old (luckily grandma takes care of the school run and the little one). I didn't feel guilty because I worked much harder than I do now (that I am back at work). I plan to take another 2 years off for number 3. You will be able to provide emotionally for a family, which is better than any paycheck!

Answer 4

Miss Blue is ABSOLUTELY right. I am a stay at home mom and I know that taking care of my one child is HARD WORK! It is a job all in itself. The gratification that you receive from knowing that YOU are giving your children the best care that they could possible have is the best feeling. When the time comes you won't feel like a freeloader because you know that it is a tough job taking care of children and trying to maintain a household to your high standards. Like you I also worked from a young age and felt the need to always be independent but when the time came I realized what was most important. You'll be fine if that's what you really want to do!

Answer 5

I stopped working when I was 8 months along with my first.  She is now almost 10!  You shouldn't feel bad about not bringing in money.  You are providing your children something much more valuable than material things.  You are providing them the full time support and love of their mother.  You will find yourself extremely busy with household duties, volunteering at school, RAISING your children, making dinner, wiping noses, etc.  

Answer 6

Try saving some of your current earnings, so that you can treat yourself with some starbucks later on with YOUR money. Thats how I transitioned to becoming stay at home mom of 2. My girls are 13 months apart. By having my own money helped me, until I ran out of my little petty cash. To make it easier on my, my husband would cash his check and divide it into 5 parts. One for mortgage, one for bills, one for food, one for car, and one for me. He would give me about 10% of his earnings so I could shop for my own clothes, go out with friends once a month to feel little free. You need to have your own time, and a bit of your own money. Plus we made a deal that once our girls go to kindergarden, than I'll go back to work. If my career takes off, then he will cut back on his work to be part timer so he takes care of girls. That way is fair. Good luck!

Answer 7

Oh, please don't think you're going to be a "free loader". Look back at this question 6 months to a year after you've been staying home full-time and you'll probably laugh! Staying at home, for me, isn't stressful like my job was, but it definitely leaves me exhausted many days(mentally and physically).

Devoting this time to your children is such a good investment. Some women aren't able to stay home with their children, so count your blessings! I know this time with my children is limited, so I try to enjoy every day.  

Answer 8

I understand your concerns, but I do believe once you are an executive mom you will completely understand your worth isn't based on a pay check.  If you want to work though you can work and be a mom, but if you and your husband have decided that having a stay at home parent is a priority then know that you will find out that your love, guidance, and teachings are priceless and not what anyone else can do for your children.  You can always develop an income from home if you want to fulfill some of your needs while still being a stay at home mom.  

I must share with you that I loved my work, was a masters degree level professional, but am now forever devoted to being a stay at home mom.  I wouldn't trade it for the world and I work darn hard for no pay, but the benefits are priceless.

I know you will come to a decision that is best for your and your family and then be the best you can be in your role.

Answer 9

I felt this way when I first started staying home.  I didn't want to spend any money on myself because it wasn't "mine" and I worked myself to death from morning till night (literally) so my husband wouldn't have to do anything since he "worked".

He is the one that put it all in perspective for me...it became the mantra in our household after a while...he said, "Your value to your family isn't based on a paycheck, it is in who you are as a person and how much you try to make us all happy."  He said that all the time for a while. :)  You have to remember as a family, the money that comes into the household belongs to the whole household, not to just the breadwinner.  Also, think about how much you do to make it possible for him to earn that paycheck...you care for his children, feed him his meals, keep his house clean, buy the groceries, collect the dry cleaning...you're entitled to a share of that money.  

Talk to your husband about how you feel.  I'm sure he'll help you feel better about all this.  He's your husband, not the welfare system...it isn't like your "bumming" off him.

Answer 10

I was so happy to stop work as i have never liked working its just not for me, i probably won't end up going back to work until my youngest starts school as i enjoy staying at home way too much

Answer 11

I didnt work for awhile, although im back now.  

I think kind of the attitude you need to have is that parenting can be hard.  And besides just providing the love, cuddlling, snuggling and all that good stuff, look at it like you might approach a hard problem at work, read from lots of sources, this site, magazines, books, and especially talk to other parents.  

But dont just keep it all  about the baby.  For instance my new mom friends and I play fantasy football, and do a cooking club.  Theres also an interesting term out now - Alpha Moms, which is kind of about being proud on any choice you make.  And not being a whiner, and not trying to drive a rift between moms who make different choices.  You can also look into a group called Mothers and More.  Or even look to a site like Mom Corps if you want to pick up some flexible work.