Stay at mom parents how do you do it?

Question

this is not really a question but here is goes anyway. this is for all the stay at home moms and or dads. i have a three year old son, a year old daughter, and now a two week old son. my husband is in the army and is currently over seas so i'm staying at my in laws house until i can manage. my in laws do help me out but they also complain about everything. i understand that this is hard for them too. i mean they did open their house to us and it can not be easy to have four extra people. i am very grateful for all they have done for me and my kids but sometimes feel bad about having to ask for help with the kids. and i'm just at the end of my rope some days. i mean most morning i really wish i just would not wake up. i am just wondering how other parents are able to deal with the stress of raising their kids. i do love my kids very much but i feel like i am failing as a parent. i really don't have anyone to talk to so i guess that is why i am on here. you don't have to answer this. i guess this is just something that i needed to get out. so thank you for listening.

Answer 1

I am a stay at home mom with my hubby in the Army too. He is due to go back to Iraq in December. He was gone for all of my pregnancy with our first. When he came home on R and R is when our son was born. Five days later he had to go back. This one is due in November so at least he will get a month with him.

My in laws live in another state. They always want to come over, and I understand that they want to see their grandkid(s), but there is so much I can take of them. I flat out put my foot down on when they can come. They can stress me out just as much as my son and I stress them out.

My parents live 30 minutes away. There are times when I do need them to come down here to help me with stuff. Like when my son was born, and my hubby had to go back to Iraq from R and R I was not fully sure on what to do with a newborn alone. I had my mom stay with me for a few days to help me get into the groove of how things will have to be.

We also have FRG. It is for families of the deployed troops. They come, and help out with anything. No one is every ashamed to ask for help there, cause we all need to lean on each other for something.

You can e mail me if you want.

Just think of it like this.......... I look at some of the other moms in our unit who have 5 to 7 kids, and family is very far away.

Answer 2

I have eight children and I often wonder the same thing... how in the heck am I going to survive the day... but I just know that I have to, for me and my family. It is hard to raise one child, but to try and take care of more can be way overwhelming. My mother always tells me that I have to take care of myself before I'll be any better to take care of the kids. She says that when it gets to a breaking point, pay a babysitter and take yourself out to do whatever you need to do to relax. I usually drive myself to the park for an hour or two and read a book. As your children get older, it will get more settled and much easier to handle! Hang in there and keep a smile on your face. Try and let things go as well. I hope I helped you at least a little bit! :) Good luck!

Answer 3

You are so lucky that you can afford to stay home and raise your children!  Many women have to work full time just to make ends meet (especially if they are single parents).  

Answer 4

being a parent is hard, don't kid yourself about that. and you have your hands definitely full. you shouldn't feel bad for asking them to help with the kids, everyone needs help sometimes, and they should understand that, they have had kids of their own. in order to keep your sanity you need to have one day or one night to yourself on a weekly basis. and in the time you could go workout, go shopping, hang out with a friend, go to the library, whatever will make u feel good and is fun for you. your doing a great job, you are not failing as a parent, u just need a lil "me" time and you'll be all right!

Answer 5

If they are complaining about helping with the kids, it might actually be less stressful if you moved out -- seriously. Be good to yourself. With little ones it is never easy and with your husband away it has to be really hard. You should not put up with the complaining. Venting is one thing -- they're worried about their son, too.

Ask them if they are having to do too much childcare. Maybe the military will pay for some respite care -- a sitter to give all of you a break.

I also think you should visit the doctor (go to a regular doctor first so they don't get suspicious) and tell the doctor what you have been feeling about not waking up in the morning. It sounds you are stressed and exhausted and maybe they will be able to give you a prescription for an antidepressant without making you go to the psychiatrist and having your in-laws find out about that.

Is there a support group for women whose husbands are overseas through your military installation?

I mean really, you might actually be better off on or near the base your husband will return to and with the support of the military. Other military moms will know what you are going through. You shouldn't have to go through it alone and I agree that your in-laws were very sweet to open their home, but their complaining is not good for anyone.

Be well and good luck. I'm rooting for you all. :-)

Answer 6

You are not a charity case that strangers have taken in. These people are your children's grandparents, and the parents of your husband. All of you together are in a difficult situation, what with so many young children and a father who is overseas. The one thing you all have going for you is that you have each other. Talk to your in-laws and tell them how you feel. You must be extremely tired and stretched to your limits, and it might be that your in-laws' complaints are just grumblings to themselves and not meant to hurt your feelings. If it's possible, have your husband tell them how much easier it is for him to do his job, knowing that they're doing their best to care for you and their grandchildren. Whether they knew ahead of time that they'd be doing this or it was suddenly thrust upon them, they still need to do the right thing and act as a family unit. Call your doctor and discuss the possibility of post-natal depression. It's an actual medical condition and not anything to be ashamed of. You might also want to see if there are any new-mom or stay-at-home-mom groups in your area. Getting out of the house and having people to talk to would help you greatly.  

Answer 7

I think that these are perfectly normal feelings, raising kids can be hard enough without the extra tough stuff.  My mom always talks about feeling the same way she had 4 kids under the age of seven and then my little sister was a late arrival.  She always said she just had to take it one day at a time.  Talk to your husbands parents if you can to let them know they are not helping.  

Answer 8

you know what I'm in the same boat ill be 19 tmo and i have a 9 month old son and all my family is in fl and I'm in pa its so hard i feel like I'm going insane because i never have ME time although i love my son to death and he is the one he keeps me laughing when I'm down i just wish i had other adult friends out here that i could go out with and just be an adult you know and its just me my bf and my son and its such a long story and wish i had someone to just get it all out to but i don ti know exactly how you feel i feel like I'm not doing as good as i could be but if you ever want to talk don't let the age fool you I'm very mature and some say I'm a good person to talk to just email or IM me anytime im always on!

Answer 9

U have to have some alone time... just for your self... i know that is hard right now with a new baby and all but u have to spend just some me time down... it is also hard when your hubby isnt there to help out and that causes a big stress... tell your inlaws they are hurting your feelings by complaining so much and to please take the kids for a few hours so u can go out to eat with a friend or whatever u need to do ... if u are nursing your baby take the baby with u but ask them to watch the other two... just make sure u get some me time or it will get to u...

Answer 10

May I suggest you look into a Moms' group such as Mothers and More. Mothers and More is a nation wide organization dedicated to improving the lives of mothers through support, education and advocacy.  Check to see if there is a chapter near you.  They plan lots of activities that give the kids some thing to do and others moms for you to talk to.

Also, you mentioned you are an army wife.  If you are near a military base, look into the New Parent Support Program.  Its not just for first time parents.  It is there for parents with children 3 years and under.  I have used the program and my home visitor was a life saver.  There are lots of services out there for military families.  You just have to look and then use them.

It sounds like you might manage better living in your own home.  

It also sounds like you should be discussing your feelings of not wanting to wake up with you OB.  Postpartum depression is nothing to be ashamed of but it does need to be dealt with if that is the case for you.    

Answer 11

maybe you have post natal depression after your last son, maybe you should go to the doctor and get a second oppinion, i know that it is hard, i was 16 when i had my first daughter and then i had twin girls 18 months later, so i know how hard it is, i didnt have any family help around me because my parents were killed in a car crash not long before the twins came along so not only my own kids byut my two sisters (14 and 7) came and moved in.

youve just gotta be strong and see a doctor about it because they can probably help you better than i will be able to.

good luck :)

and congrats on your new son