Step-Dad coming to my house??

Question

My step dad and I never get along. We disagree on everything. I think it is mostly because he always has to be right. He has a know-it-all attitude. My boyfriend doesn't even like him. Ever since I was five, he treated me horribly. He would call me names, and when I would do chores around the house he would say it wasn't good enough, do it over again. My mom and him would get in a lot of fights over me because she usually had to choose sides. Well anyways...my mom, step dad and my brother are coming to visit me and my boyfriend. This is the first time they will be seeing our house(we live together), and I am so nervous and stressed!!! Mostly for my step dad coming. I almost don't even want them to come at all because of him, although I haven't seen them for 3 years. I am having a hard time imagining my evil step dad staying in my house for a week after he treated me terribly in his. I know that I will act differently with him coming. I probably won't even talk around him. And my mom is very sensitive so I am assuming she will think I don't want them there.Should I still welcome them all to my home and hope for the best, or wait to see them when my step dad isn't with her?? I am scared that something is going to go wrong when he's here.

Answer 1

I assume you care about your mom. Since you said she is very sensitive I would try to think about her and her feelings. She is probably very worried about the upcoming visit as much as you are. I learned long ago that I could never change the way my father treated me, we could never agree on anything. I've come to accept that he is not a very nice person, and no matter how hard I try we will never truly get along. But I do want things to be nice for my mom, so I came to the conclusion that I had to change in order for that to happen. When I would visit my folks or they would visit me I enjoyed my time with my mom, but with my dad it was a complete act. I would agree with him and be pleasant. As hard as it was, it was well worth it for my moms sake.  

Answer 2

I would ask my mom and brother to come alone. If you are that worried about it, it may be a good enough reason to may this request.

Answer 3

Yes, you should still have them come.  You need to be strong and be the bigger person too when he's there.  That sucks that he makes you feel this way and that you are so timid around him.  

He's going to be in YOUR home, so its your rules.  If gets really uncomfortable, find them a nice hotel down the road.  They can still be over for hanging out, dinner and whatever, but then at night, you can have a break and breathe some.

I would feel really uncomfortable too, but you've been away from him for 3 years.  Its time for you two to come to an understanding and maybe to talk a bit about how you feel.  You never know, he may have changed.  Three years is a long time...and maybe with him seeing you all grown up and independant, your relationship will have changed too.  Good luck!

PS.  Since I moved out of my moms house (her boyfriend lived there too) and have married and stuff, our relationship is totally changed.  I cant say that him and I see eye to eye all the time, but theres a mutual respect.  We've never actually spoken about it, but we treat each other different.  He was an *** and the reason I ended up moving out in the first place, but things are definately civil and better now.

Answer 4

Your best bet is to allow them to come for a visit, but, do NOT tolerate any c**p from your step father.  Remember this is YOUR home, and you do not need to be treated badly in your own home.  SInce it has been so long, he probably won't start anything.