Step child in ceremony

Question

of course this needs to be talked out with my soon to be but I was appalled when I heard it I couldn't even say anything else...heres the deal.

My guy has a 5 yr old daughter...who lives with her mom. Her and I have a fantastic relationship--they both actually got down on one knee and asked if I would marry them...but he wants her to be standing there, like holding our hands i guess, when we marry. She is our flower girl but I think she should stand by her uncle who is the groomsman as the ring boy, my nephew will stand by his mom my bridesmaid. I understand it is important for him to know and me to know that I am marrying them both but i have no intentions of looking into her eyes telling her 'til death do us part' I could not believe it when I heard him saying this...what should I do and how should I tell him I don't want her to be that into our ceremony??? am I being ridiculous??? this is my first marriage and obviously his second--he didnt have a wedding for the first.

Answer 1

Sorry, but when/if you marry him, it's a package deal. If you are going to get that upset about him wanting his daughter included in YOUR wedding ceremony, maybe you should either consider some couples counseling before the wedding or just rethink whether you are ready for making a committment to the father AND the child.  Blending a family is not an easy process and good for you for recognizing and being willing to explore your feelings, but also be willing to do some research on the importance of the child feelings and thier concerns about the upcoming nuptuials. The success or failure of your marriage may depend on how well things are handled now according to statistacal researchers. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.