Step parent adoption in Massachusetts...?

Question

My husband has raised my oldest daughter since she was ten months. She is now almost 12 years old. He has always wanted to adopt her, but we think it cost too much. She has never seen her biological sp*rm donor in her whole life. She thinks my husband is her dad. Is there a cheap way that he could adopt her? If no paternity papers have ever been filled out...could he fill them out instead?

Answer 1

He's not just a sperm donor to the child.  She has a right to her truth, her origins.  I understand where you're coming from, but her biology is HERS, not yours.

Answer 2

just keep in mind, if he adopts her and she should ever need a copy of her original birth certificate, she's outta luck.

i can't imagine it costs much.  but i would strongly suggest you tell her the truth now, not later.

please be honest with her.  it's the best thing you can do for her regardless of her adoption status.

good luck:)

Answer 3

Hi Jcox,

First I would caution that adopting her to avoid ever having to tell her the truth about her origins is not the best reason to adopt somebody.  Your daughter is 12 years old and she has a right to know who her natural father is.  It will effect her in many ways such as medical, ethnic, etc. Most of all, it will effect her relationship with both of you when she finds out that she has been lied to all these years.  Secrets always have a way of getting out so she will find out eventually.

You may have had good intentions.  Providing a father in her life is a good thing.  It is great that he is there to love her and to help you take care of her.  However, a man does not have to be a biological father to do that.  My advice would be to not delay telling her any longer.   I would start with saying "I know we should have told you earlier."  And please - when you do tell her, please try to not say anything negative about her father.  It will be hard enough for her to absorb the new information.  When a parent refers to the other as a sperm donor or deadbeat, the child internalizes some of that & it's not healthy.  Just present facts in as kind of a way that you can, and let children make their own conclusions.

If you proceed with adoption, I hope you will let her have some input in this too.  Please do not deceive her.  Be honest with her.  Thank you.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 4

No, there is no cheap way to adopt her. You need a lawyer.  You'll have to track down the father.