Step parent adoption?

Question

I have four kids from a previous marriage. Their biological father has not seen them since 2004 (he was very abusive to me and when he started on the kids I left). He does not pay child support, medicial and now three of the kids have to go see a therapist to deal with the abuse that they saw by this man. They call my husband "dad" and he is the one that has been there for them in all ways possible, he feeds, clothes and is a positive roll model for them. My husband wants to adopt them because he feels that is he there dad while my ex has done nothing for them and my kids hate him. I want to start the adoption process but I am so scared that if we do this and they find out where my ex is, then he is going to start all kindof trouble. He once told the judge that unless I came back to him then he was going to have nothing to do with the kids. Also I just found out that he has 4 other kids and does not pay child support on them and had has not seen them in 10 years. Please help!!!

Answer 1

The sperm donor is crazy. Keep going to the courts. And get adoption papers ready. It depends on your state. Here in California the process is quick because the parent which is you needs to approve the adoption, it would normally take ten months to adopt. The sperm donor being just that has very slim chances of being able to stop it. I say you report him to the courts and here in California if a deadbeat dad does not pay his obligations by paying what he owes, he cannot register a vehicle, get his license, and he must pay you the money he owes you, even though the kids might be grown up already. But talk to a lawyer about this.

Answer 2

You can go to court to have his parental rights taken away. Get a transscript of the court proceedings from your divorce in which he stated that to the judge. That can be used against him. Once the parental rights have been disolved your husband can legally adopt them without his permission.

Answer 3

Due to his abuse towards you and the children it might be possible to have the courts terminated his rights.  Otherwise I do believe your husband wouldn’t be allowed to adopt them unless your ex signed his rights away.  Just from what you post I gather he wouldn’t even if it was just to spite you so you and kids couldn’t have what you wanted.

Even if your husband never legally adopts your kids. He is still their father legal or not. He is the one that has been a father to them. Loving and treating them in away that a father should, treating their mother well. My dad’s father was abusive and a drunk. His mother remarried a man whom my dad and his twin brother always considered to be their dad even though he never legally adopted them.

I even read of a story where a step father adopted his step son when he turned 18. Prior to that he wasn't able to because biofather would not sign his rights away.

Answer 4

First talk to your husband about that type of commitment.  My biological father was abusive to my mom when I was a baby and she left him too.  She remarried when I was a five to a man that I've always consitered my real father.  They always talked about him adopting me but it just never happened, and I wish it would have.  You may also want your childrens imput. Good luck though. It sounds like you met a wonderful husband and I aplaude you for being strong enough to leave such an awful man before.

Answer 5

I don't think your husband can adopt your children unless their sperm donor agrees to it.  Therefore YOU would have to find him and get him to sign a form relinquishing all his rights.  The expense and work to find him would be up to you.  The courts would not do it for you.  good luck.

Answer 6

the best thing you can do is to talk to a lawyer about your options.

as far as i know, the biological father has to sign over all parental rights before your husband can legally adopt them as his children. if you are unsure of your ex's whereabouts then the court would have you prove that you are trying to find him. if he in unable to be found or gotten into touch with, then your husband can legally adopt without your ex's signature.

these laws ands procedures are different for different states and countys.

like i said before, the cest thing to do is to ask a lawyer, and let him know of your concerns and worries about your ex.

good luck!

Answer 7

There are a few ways to get a stepparent adoption completed.  The first and easiest way is to get the biological father to willingly consent to the adoption and sign over his parental rights.  Of course if you do not know his current whereabouts, then you will have no way of getting that done!  

when a non-custodial parent's location can not be found the custodial parent (you) must prove to the court that you have done everything that you can in order to find the absent parent; such as contacting family, old mutual friends, sending a letter to the last known address, asking the post office for a forwarding address, using 411 or online services such as www.anywho.com

Once all avenues have been exhausted and the parent can still not be located, a public notice can be filed in the paper.  This notice states your intent to have the child(ren) adopted, and will give the non-custodial parent about 45 days in all to see the notice and send a response to the court.  If in the alloted time frame, the non-custodial parent does not come forward and protest to the adoption, the adoption process moves along as though the non-custodial parent consented (or allowed) to the stepparent adoption.

You are going to need copies of everyone's birth certificates, along with your marriage and divorce papers from the biological father, and your marriage license from your current marriage.  These papers can all take quite a while to process and send out, so if you do not already have copies of each, it is best if you send away for them as soon as possible or you can end up slowing your adoption down waiting on paperwork.

With the biological father out of the picture for so many years now, it should be easy for you to file under abandonment charges, your problem is going to come when it comes time to serve the father the court papers though, since you stated you do not know where he is, that is what is going to slow your adoption up, add to the cost, and to the emotional stress, but it can be done.

Getting over the abandonment of a parent is a long and hard process for a child.  Even when that parent was abusive children are still going to grieve the loss of their parent.  Once you begin the stepparent adoption process, I would have the children's counselor begin to prepare the children for adoption, but more importantly I would have the children continue to see the counselor long after the adoption is completed.  Adoption is a very complex mattter, and it is a lifelong journey for many people when it comes to sorting out their feelings about it.  

Good luck, you have a strong case for a stepparent adoption, and even if your ex were to contest the adoption, you have a good chance of the judge terminating his parental rights anyway on the grounds of abandonment!  You can check out the link below for more information on stepparent adoption!

Answer 8

Unfortunately, your husband will not be able to adopt your children unless their biological father consents.