Step-parent situation: Should he sleep with me or his daughter when she visits?

Question

Long story short, we aren't married but breakup is not an option. We've been together for years. The bio-mom is letting up and his daughter (8) stays with us more. It's been great until recently. We have different parenting styles and I try hard to butt out on discipline and be her friend. I like her, don't get me wrong. But keeping my mouth shut bothers me. then the b/f chose to sleep in the room with her versus me. I don't know why that bothers me so much but it does. I think that is the only time we have together as normal time and I'm kind of hurt by it but, then again, I can understand he wanting to be close to her since it is limited visiting. But I also feel like it's often the two of them versus me. She agrees with everything daddy says and if he disagrees with me there's no winning. I feel if he slept in my bed, we'd be showing that we are a team, the three of us, not them two against me. Am I being crazy or should he sleep with me?

Answer 1

Daddy shouldn't be sleeping with his 8 year old daughter.  If she's afraid of the dark or not familiar enough with the room she sleeps in then why not fix her a cot in the room the 2 of you sleep in.  This way Daddy still gets to spend as much time with her but it also shows a united front.  One last thing.  It sound like the girls mother has issues with the fathers relationship with you and is using the child as a tool.  If this is the case what will happen if birth mom gets really angry for some reason and wants revenge?  What better way than to convince the daughter to claim that her father molested her.  Tell Dad the only female he should be sleeping with is YOU!!!

Answer 2

Your best bet is to try couples counseling together and if he won't go, go to one by yourself... until you get in to see someone, why can't the daughter sleep in your room on the floor or an air mattress or something? Just as a quick fix until you two can workout the parenting issues. Bestof luck to you, step-parenting is rough.

Answer 3

First of all, why is a grown man wanting to sleep with an 8 year old instead of his girlfriend? I can understand that he wants to spend time with his daughter, but sleeping together has stepped over the line! Second, you shouldn't keep your mouth shut! If you and him are going to make your relationship work, you need to consider that you are going to be a part of his daughters life. She needs boundaries from all the adults in her life, not just the parents. If i were you i would pull him aside and tell him everything you feel. Remember it is always better to say to much, then never have the chance to say what you need to say again. Hope this helps!

Answer 4

As far as I know, in most American families, the parents sleep together, no matter who is visiting or how long...he gets the whole day time and evenings anyway...besides, I'm sure his daughter will visit him again...what you need to do is to be straightforward with him and tell him how you feel. I know this is hard, but if he is not considerate for you, do you think it's worth it that you should be considerate for him? so tell him how you feel :)

Answer 5

Thats not right, confront him.

Answer 6

have you told him how your feeling? tell him and you two can talk it out? or better yet make a meeting for all 3 of you and talk it out, she may be 8, it doesnt mean she wont understand, and if she dont try to explain it to her as best as you can, its the best way to go, as for no one getting their feelings hurt