Step parent to legally adopt?

Question

I'm trying get my head around this the best way...

I have given my son the best possible life, as well as myself since his brith. I am engaged now, and we have a child together and do plan on getting married (bought a house, and have great careers) My son calls my fiance "daddy" and we're just one happy family, except for the fact that I have this fear of what will happend to my son if something happens to me (already had 1 death scare a couple years ago and the only thing I could think about was my son before I went under the knife)

My son (now 8) has no contact with his biological father (we tried to make it work but his drinking got in the way) or his family for many years now. We are considering (only once we are married) to have my new spouse legally adopt my son for a variety of reasons (the most to put my mind at ease should anything happen to me) I get child support sporadically (through wage granishment) His father has told me he'd love to sign over his rights to avoid

Answer 1

The bialogical father can sign over his rights to the child, then your child support will stop, but your new husband will be able to legally adopt your son.  I don't necessarily thing the father has to sign over his rights, you have to place and add in the local paper of where his father lives to see if he wants to claim him as his own.

Answer 2

your story is just like mine down to the dad being adopted.  Just tell your son that he will always be loved no matter what and explain to him that you are only thinking of his well being if anything terrible ever happens to you and good luck.  You sound like a GREAT mother.

Answer 3

It sounds like your son has already answered your question.  He does not want to be adopted.  The very thought of it causes him anxiety.  Why is that?  Just because he calls him daddy doesn't mean that he wants to stay with him if something happens to you.  Does he have other family members that he would be more comfortable with?  It also must be scary for him to think about something bad happening to you.  Maybe he thinks that not being adopted will prevent that from happening because you won't leave him?

If it really is that important to you, I would talk to a lawyer and see if it is possible to put it in your will that you new husband takes care of your child.  Perhaps he can be made a legal guardian or something.  Just don't cut off your child's connection to his family on his fathers side.  It's his history and it's a part of him whether he sees his father right now or not.

Answer 4

How about your fiance applies for parental responsibility?  As far as I understand, he could legally apply for parental responsibility for your son alongside you and the biological father.  That way he will have an equal say in your son's upbringing should anything (God forbid) happen to you, BUT, your son will not lose his paternal birthright.  This option may well sit better with all concerned, especially your son as he could see that he is really gaining something without losing something.  It is such a huge step to delete a parent, even one who plays a very little or non-existent role.  He obviously features heavily still in your son's psyche despite this and it could be very detrimental to try to wipe him away in the mind of an 8 year old.  Your son's reactions to the subject speak volumes about how it could affect him.

I do understand how you feel, I am in a very similar situation but my childrens' father is still their father no matter what, and there is no benefit in trying to take that away.  Giving your fiance parental responsibility will legalise his position in your son's life whilst leaving the door open for your son to still have a relationship with his bio father and family at some stage if he wishes.  Look into it, it isn't hard to do.  Good luck!

Answer 5

i think your son just needs to understand what is going with u and your new husband. He doesn't want to it hear it from you, becasue when he does all is hearing is my mom is going to die i'll be left. You should get ur son's father to explain it to him. Father's and son's understand each other a little better. Because what if something where to happen to you and his fahter, he needs to now that, even though it's your and you husband idea to adopted, that is okay with his father.

Answer 6

I totally understand what you and your son are going through. I'm 16 years old and my stepfatehr adopted me when I was 13. It's been great. I love him more than my bio dad. He's always there for me. He bought me my FIRST car! So he has taken real good care of me. But I understand how your son is feeling. It's weird having the last name Johnson for the first 13 years of my life and then being switched to Aguilera. It's like you never exixsted. All of those records of me are gone. Do I regret having changed my last name? Nope. It makes me feel like a part of their familiy. I have two older step bros and a half bro and I'm glad I changed my last name so I didn't feel left out. Ok, God I talk about myself alot! So do what YOU think is best for your child.

Answer 7

You will really need to seek legal advice from a lawyer, but generally speaking, from what I've been exposed to, for your future husband to be able to legally adopt your son, the natural father must either be deceased or give legal consent.

Answer 8

you need an attorney!

Answer 9

Make a will and list your husband to raise your child when and if something happens to you. Why not talk to the child and see if he wants to be adopted? If he does, go ahead but doing it just for fear that some ill wind will befall, no sense.

Answer 10

get your child into counseling he suffers from separation anxiety due to the fact that his biological Daddy left him

why didnt you marry the father of your child- if he was not marriage material why didnt you use birth control

why did you have another child out of wedlock possibly causing the same problems all over again

Answer 11

once you sign him over to the new dad, your son will have no legal rights to his father and vice versa.

that means that god forbid, something happened to his dad, and say he was on life support, etc. and your son was of age to make the decision to take him off it to avoid pain, etc. he would have no right to make the choice, or any other medical choice.

things like this.....keep in mind.  also, your son will lose ALL rights to his paternal medical history.  now and in the future.  he will also lose his rights tohis original birth certificate.  if he has one and ever loses it, he will not get a new one.