Stepmom wants to be in the delivery room?

Question

My fiances stepmom wants to be in the delivery room while i'm in there having the baby, but she's been so rude to me and him both that I am very uncomfortable with this, and I was hoping to only have my fiance, and maybe my sister in there with me, but he wants his real mom to be in there, and that's fine with me, but his stepmother told me that if his real mom were going to be in there, it would be rude of me to tell her she couldn't be in there also. I also feel like my fiance's father thinks it's cruel not to include his wife in on this. What should I do? Should I just end it, and let the woman be there, I just feel so uncomfortable with her being in there. She's not REAL family, and she has been so mean to my fiance and disrespectful to me, and she acts like I am incapable of handling this child, she has pretty much taken over my pregnancy.

Am I really being rude in not wanting this woman in the room with me? It is not her grand child, it is not her son, it is not blood related to her, but am I disrespectful to my fiance's father in saying no? Am I being hurtful or rude? I don't believe i'll care who's in there once I get into hard labor, so should I allow her in?

It seems to me that this babies entrance into the world is not being treated as it should. It should be a time of happiness and excitement, and their treating it like a war!

Answer 1

this is about you, your boyfriend and your new baby so dont worry about hurting other peoples feelings and do what you want to do. if i was you i would just have my boyfriend there because it is a private thing not a pay per view. dont allow her in ,if she gets her own wat about this she will try to take over when the baby is here aswell. br polite and explain to her that you want it to stay a private thing and you dont feel comfortable about having other people there. you will care who is there so dont give in. when i had my babies it was a very special day and do you want to risk having yours ruined

Answer 2

Who is pushing a baby out of a small whole. YOU ARE. Who watches is YOUR CHOISE, that baby isnt even that ladies real blood. As rude as it is tell her. Its your body and if she wants to she can go get her own kids and then watch them have babies. Be mean to her, your not doing anything bad, she is tell her how rude she is and whatever you do, DONT LET DOWN, tell her no and thats final.

Answer 3

You have every right to have whomever you choose in there w/ you. This is a very private matter and I understand if you don't want the world to see your "goods." It's not disrespectful to your father-in-law. He's the one being disrespectful by placing you in an awkward situation and forcing you to be uncomfortable! If they ask again, just simply say, "I don't feel comfortable w/ having you in there." Yeah, she'll throw a fit, but that's a reflection on her and her immaturity.

As a comprimise, what you can do is maybe have her visit you in the room before delivery and then the staff will kick her out per your request. Most labor & delivery staff will ask you upon admission to the delivery room who'd you like in the room w/ you. Some hospitals only allow 1-2 people and no more. When it comes time to deliver, they'll kick out those not welcome. They deal w/ issues like that on a daily basis, so try to voice your opinions to them. They'll have a way to gently, yet firmly relay the message. Good luck!  

Answer 4

How annoying and stressful for you!!  You are the one that has to go through the birth of your child.  Its up to YOU who is in there.  Tell her you just don't feel comfortable having her in there and you don't want too many people in there.  If she feels bad...oh well, she'll get over it.  Maybe you need to remind her that this is your and your husbands child and not hers.  She needs to respect your decision!

Answer 5

You can have whomever you want in the room, if you don't want her in there then say NO. Seriously she shouldn't be pushy and it shouldn't even be an issue if you didn't invite her. Im only having my husband, not even my own mom.....Its his and my day and thats just all there is to it. Hurt feelings or not. Good luck to you stand up and be strong.

Answer 6

You are the one giving birth.  YOU are the one that has to be as comfortable as possible, no one else.  You decide who would be more of a support for you.  This is all about YOU.  My mother wanted to be in the delivery room when I had my daughter 11 years ago.  At the time we didn't get along very well, and I was like, "no way." We get a long a lot better now, but I don't regret my decision.  Having a baby is scary and stressful enough, you don't need any drama, or anything that makes you uncomfortable.  Good luck and congratulations on your new addition!  

Answer 7

That's a time for you. You should have the people you want in there. Tell her you're not being vindictive, but you want just the people you choose and she's welcome to see the baby later after you've rested.

Answer 8

You're the one that has to push this kid out and have your Va jay jay hangin out for the world to see, You put your foot down and don't give a rat's hiney who's feelings get hurt! They'll get over it and if they don't ya know what, don't place yourself around negative people. I know it sounds easier said then done but is that someone/something you want your child around?? It was just me and my hubby in the room and it was nice. You could also tell her that the hospital has a 2 person limit and there you go, your bf and your sister. Most hospitals have a limit anyway. End the war!! LOL I hope it helps. Good Luck, remember..your body, your kid.  

Answer 9

You're far more polite than I am... I'd tell all who want to be in there, that as soon as they drop their drawers, and spread their legs for all to see, THEN they can be in the room (Of course, I still wouldn't let them in.)... Your fiance's fathers' feelings, are of no importance in this, you should realize... I think you're letting yourself feel overly guilty, and if you give in, now? Your fiance's stepmother will *really* think she can tell you what to do, when it comes to this baby... Tell her the answer is "No," and that you don't care if she thinks it's rude... She's the one being rude, and don't be afraid to tell her that. You're a mom-to-be; time to start acting like a grown woman, who can make up her own mind, and deal with what she wants... and doesn't want. (No offense intended.)

Answer 10

It is your day with your bf and baby.  You don't have to let anyone in there with you if you don't want.  I had two friends that didn't even call anyone until the baby was there.  So it was there moment and no one was fighting who was going to be in there.

Answer 11

Your not being disrespectful. My husband and I decided for it just to be us. We just explained that it's our day and that I really would be uncomfortable with so many people in the room. Do not back down, if you do not want her in there...DON'T!

Answer 12

NO, it is not rude!  She has no right being there, especially with the way she has treated you.  

Answer 13

i don't blame you! i'd feel the same way.

i'd just say it's a very personal time and just tell her you'd just like your fiance in the room with you when you deliver but that they are welcome to come in and visit after the birth.

good luck! :)

Answer 14

personally, i would only have the hubby, and your sister.

the rest should wait in the waiting room, and visit ocasionally.

because...

1) the room gets veeerryy crowded verrryy quickly.it gets verry crazy too.

2) yes it is a big deal, but not everyone has to be there...as long as they can hold the baby afterwards, there should be no problem.

3) this is your choice, your support team, so you should choose it, not the hubby.

my advice, only have 1 or 2 ppl in there with you...and let every one else in after the baby arrives, to show you and the baby their love.

if feelings are hurt, theyll get over it when they see the baby.

and you are not being hurtful or rude. it is your body, your child, your pregnancy, your labor, and you should be able to decide. not hubby, or step mom, or anyone but yourself.

good luck

Answer 15

no. dont have that woman in there. this is a day that is about YOU, your fiance and your BABY. if you dont want her in there, tell her no. he can have his mom in there, but if this stepmom has been rude to you then no. it sounds like she just wants to crash your fiances moms big day of becoming a grandmother. Like its her right to be included. well its not. You only have to have who you want in there and almost every hospital will without a doubt accomodate you and tell her she can wait outside. And even if you dont think youll care when youre in hard labor, what about your fiance and his mother? getting to see the birth of a grandchild is a gift for any grandma to be and this step mom knows that, and wants to cheapen it with her presence. if anyone is being disrespectful or rude, its her...for even asking to be in there. To be invited is an honor, to beg your way in is pathetic. follow your heart! good luck