Stepparent adoption?

Question

My 13 year old son and his mother want me to allow her new husband to adopt him. Initially, I was oppossed to the idea, but after continued badgering on this issue, I think it maybe best. I live across the country. I have not been allowed to see him even though I pay child support. The judge keeps giving her another chance to send him for visitation and I can't pay my lawyer anymore. His mother won't stop putting him in the middle and making him lie despite legal warnings. Husband #5 is raising my son and financially supporting him. I have no say in anything, I am "just a child support check" according to my son. If I let this man adopt him, will my son appreciate me for sparing him the stress of the current situation?

Answer 1

It all depends on the child. Hopefully you will take the time to talk to him about it and explain that you are doing what is best for him and that you love him very much. And make sure it is really what he wants.

Kuddos to you for putting your son's well being ahead of your own. I'm sure it's not an easy decision to make or stick with.

Answer 2

i'm sure if you keep in contact with him he will. maybe when he is 18 and can make his own legal choices he will see you and then you two can have a better relationship. he might be mad for a while because while hes young he might not understand, but im sure soon he will. good luck

Answer 3

Please don't allow this to happen.  He is your child, your blood.  Is there any way you can move closer?  Or what about suing for school-year custody, and he can go to her in the summer?

He is just a pawn to her in her efforts to make a "family".  I'd bet he is not in favor of this,no matter what he says, I mean how much choice does he have at 13?  Poor thing! He's just a kid, being brainwashed by his mother.  He needs YOU.  Please don't abandon him.

Why not start googling 'father's rights' and custody issues to find a better attorney? Maybe a pro-bono or at least a cheaper one.   If it doesn't work out now, maybe he can come live with you for college at 18, or at least go to school nearby.

I agree with the poster who said to hang in there, send e-mail, snail mail, call, send photos, stay connected now.  Be strong, and he will come back to you when he's out from her control and is more mature.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Wow.. I admire you for really looking at your SON's situation and whats best for him.  Thats not something anyone here can decide for you but I can tell you this:

The truth is: if your son's mother is already lying to him now, I can almost guarentee that she will lie and tell him that the only reason you let her husband adopt him was so you didnt have to pay child support.  the fact that this is husband #5 doesnt say much for her and chances are high that she might go on to husband #6.  

If it were me, I would continue to pay child support for your sons sake.  Keep doing what you can.  When your son is older and able to see or himself whats going on, you can look him in the eye and tell him you did eveyrthing in your power to be a good father.

Answer 5

Husband # 5 wants to adopt your son, nothing good can come from this. Try to keep in contact with your son and tell him how much you love him. Phone , email or snail mail, make copies of every time you contact him, in 5 years he will appreciate that you hung in there for him.

Answer 6

first your parental rights would have to be severed and this means that you would not pay child support anymore.  and just because you pay child support does not entitle you to visitations, they are two completely seperate legal matters.  your son may not appreciate that you are "giving him up". and husband #5?  what if this relationship doesn't work for her and she divorces him and husband #5 gets custody instead of your ex? it could happen.  keep reminding her that she is violating the visitation order by not sending him and keep paying your support like the good father that you are.  when you do get the money why not fight for custody?  if you are doing what is asked and she is not then you will look better in the eyes of the court.

Answer 7

Don't give up your legal rights please don't there are many lawyers who will take ur case for cheap or nothing. Never give up your right. Next time you go to court talk with the judge and your son. you  have a right to your child don't let anyone put you down and make you feel like you don't belong there. Please keep fighting for whats right

Answer 8

being that he is husband #5, they may not allow him to adopt. If shows marital unstability on her part.