Stigmas attached to baby names?

Question

We are considering an international Adoption and with that come the much debated question of changing the baby's name. One topic of dicussion I have seen brought up again and again is the topic of bad stigma's being attached to a name.. although it is not fair the truth is that it happens even today. Do you keep a name given by the birth mother even if it comes with society's baggage on how they view it.. Is it a handicap to have a name that people associate with poverty, or ignorance, or destruction like Adolf or even a bad comboination like your last name being Manson and the baby you've adopted having Charles as a given name,. or what if the child is named something like Tequilla or after a cheap liquor.. Is that fair to them . I agree that there is a lot to be said for keeping the name his or her mother gave them for many reason and if we adopt we will not be changing the name only adding to it...but are their circumstances when complete removal is acceptabl

Answer 1

We are Christians and as such, I would desire that any child we were to adopt would be given a Christian name in baptism. If the child agreed, I would legally change their name to a Christian one (name of a saint).

I think it's an obligation to change a child's name if it something atrocious like Tequilla! yikes!

Answer 2

i think as long as a baby is love it will not matter what it is called but saying that i wanted to call my son Simon but was met with crys of everyone will call him simple Simon and his life would be h**l at school so i called him Mark.Yes you have to think of how it will effect a child.and it is painful sometimes for kids, as people and children can be very unkind so a lot of thought should go into a name

Answer 3

My son's b-name was "baby boy"

So YEAH I changed it

Answer 4

From an adoptees point of view, I would keep her birth name.

You have to think, this child has to give  up everything she could ever know about her birth family. Shes always going to wonder what her family was like and how she was like them. Dont take away the only thing that she has from her birth mother. For me, giving her and American name first and Romanian as middle makes it seem as though her Romanian name is not as important.

My adoptive parents changed both my sister and I's names to what they wanted them to be. I wish I could change it to my original name but Im an adult and it would be hard for people to adjust. My sister already has changed hers back to her birth name and I couldnt be happier for her.

She's never going to know anything about her family. She should at least have something! Even if it is just a name. Isnt it good enough that you get to raise her and watch her smile and walk and hit all those milestones. Isnt it enough that she gets to call you "mommy".? Dont take away the only things she has from her birth family. I think she'll thank you later in life for being so understanding and you'll look like a great person for not being selfish like most adoptive moms.

Answer 5

If you can, then I think it's good to some way incorporate your childs original name into the name you choose. We kept our sons Korean names as middle names. I do agree however, that you should not keep a first name that will lead to your child being teased.

In our adoption group there is an adoptive father who was also adopted internationally. He was adopted at a few years old so his parents kept his name, which is difficult to pronounce, and he said he always hated "standing out" with his name and wished he has a more "American" name. He and his wife did choose new names for their child.

I also have a few friends that moved here from Korea and China. While their children's legal names are Korean or Chinese, the parents all chose "American sounding" names for them to go by here. Even the parents went by names like "William" and "Natalie"

I think that while our children will appriciate having their culture, and first name respected, they'll also want a name that they won't be embarrassed by. Just use your best judgement.

Answer 6

Well, what is your baby's name?

Answer 7

I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be acceptable to completely change the childs name...if you are adopting then that child has become a part of you and your family, just as if you had birthed it biologically.  That being said I also think it would be nice to add to the childs original name, so s/he has a name you have given also, and when s/he is older, then the child can decide which name to go by, especially if the child originates from another country.  This would enable the child to explore its biological heritage, if s/he so chooses.

Answer 8

Personally, I'd rather be a Jessi James than a Charles Manson. It's got a bad ring to it like you said.

Have you tried to shorten the name in any way? Or just change it slightly? (Let's use the Charles Manson gig) How about altering it slightly so you have, say a Chandler Manson? Things like that. How about using the given name as the middle name in a case like this? Then you can have a (let's say) Dominic Charles Manson.

Answer 9

if its going to be a case of allowing the child to integrate more into their home and community then i think i would add a middle name and when the child is old enough give them the optin of using that name if they wish. in some cases, like the ones you've mentioned then i think it would be acceptable to officially change the babies name as long as you ensure the child has a strong sense of identity and knows where they came from and theyre background ect.

if the child is over a year old then that could cause complications and i would be more inclined to leave its name as it is.

Answer 10

I think if you are adopting the child then you should feel free to change the child's name to avoid any kind of stigma, mispronunciation, discrimination due to having a foreign name, etc. It's good that you are taking the child into consideration - a lot of parents don't and stick their kids with dumb names like Apple or Summer Knight or something foolish like that. I absolutely agree that Adolf would be a bad name for any person given what the famous Adolf did. I'd feel absolutely free to change the name to what YOU think it should be.

Answer 11

ok maybe i'm confused but i don't remeber any hate crimes against gypsies lately. half of the people in the US woudn't know a gypsey if they were standing there breathing on one.

i don't know. i feel like i was denied of my heritage. my family as if not to try to make it worse they're proud to have given me a name created off of the 3 people that legally disowned me so everythime i hear my name weather it's first, middle, or last i am reminded that not only was i not wanted once but i wasn't wanted twice.

never mind i digress people say what's in a name but names are a touchy subject for me.

i guess if you feel that the childs name is that screwed up then maybe you could research the names from his/her country so that you stay true to their culture and at the same time they don't have to be picked on in america

Answer 12

I think the circumstances you mentioned are certainly acceptable.  And the bottom line is, it's your baby.  I think keeping a cultural name (if not Adolf or Tequila) as a middle name would be a way to respect their heritage.  But they need to fit in and feel a part of the culture that they're raised in, so by all means choose the first name yourself.  Unless you're adopting a child who is five or six years old and already very attached to their name.

Answer 13

My friend adopted two children from Russia. As they had to learn a new language they had one new name each also.

Answer 14

I think that you should keep his gypsy name as a middle name and give him an American or more common name as a first name. If people are going to treat your adopted child bad because of his ethninticity in Romania than by all means do what you need to do to divert this racism...if that mean using a different first name in Romania than do so..

Answer 15

I don't see a problem with it.  

Sincerely,

Adolph

Answer 16

It depends on the age of the child.  Also, is the name really one given by the mother, or was it chosen at random by an official in the orphanage?  I think I'd look at those factors when deciding what to do with names.  If the child is old enough, I'd ask them what they think as well.

If the name was given in a different country, then it may be acceptable in that country but be ostracizing in this one.  I think your child will thank you if you give him or her a more socially acceptable name--you could still choose a name from  his or her country of origin.  When the child is older, if they feel strongly, they can always change back.

Answer 17

Well it's your child now isn't t. depends on how old the child is, ask them if they want to keep their name, and if when their older they don't want it because society is ignorant, then they can legally change it.

Answer 18

Thats a good question.

I come to it as I'm a bit offended that my aparents changed my name. It wasn't their name to change. Mine wasn't jokable to society, but I hesitate to say "yes you should change it." because I don't know how old the child is, if they're used to it, if they want it changed, if its a matter of opinion about the jokableness ( if thats even a word lol )

I certainly wouldn't want to be called charles mansion, but are there really kids named that? I can understand the necessity of changing a childs last name in adoption to be the same as the adoptive parents for legal purposes etc. but. the first name I feel should remain. ITs the childs name. Should it become a problem down the road and he/she wants to change it, then I'd say let him/her change it.

Answer 19

There are many reasons why a person changes their adoptive babies name.  If it is a son that is adopted then the adoptive parents want to name the child after his new father to pass the name along.  There is nothing wrong with changing a childs name.  It is a new life for the baby or child and a starting it with a new name could be helpful.  If you are adopting an older child (over the age of 5 or 6) I would suggest that you speak with the child and see what he/she would like to do.  You can also do as you and your husband are doing and incorporate their first name into a new name.  Or you could leave their name as it is on the birth certificate.  It is totally up to the adoptive parents what they want to call their child.  It is different for each family.  When you hold your new baby you will know what to call him or her.  Congratulations to you and your hubby on becoming new parents. Congratulations to your baby for finding a loving home

Answer 20

It depends on the name (and the apparent stigma), the age of the child (has he/she gotten used to it), and the opinion of your immediate family/spouse.   Try discussing ity with trusted friends and family, without mentioning your fears of the stigma.  If they cite the stigma, then it may actually be an issue.  If they don't, then maybe you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Answer 21

My aparents changed my abro's name, kept part of my asis name and kept my original first name. I think my abro had a hard time adjusting to a new country/name/ language. I really feel that names should not be changed.