Still finding it had to cope with grief?

Question

Hi (:

Ok so 4years ago, one of my best boy friends past away..(he died when we were in year7 in highschool and now im going into college)

but im still finding it really hard to deal with his death, i get more upset about him that anyone else.. i think its because he had a bad death and he was a lot younger..

but everytime i feel sad or someone annoys me or i argue with my boyfriend or i drink too much, hes the first thing that pops into my mind and all i can think about is how i cant cope going into college without him and why he had to be taken away from me because he was the nicest person in the world..

What can i do to cope? i visit his grave quiet a lot and i thought that would help, talking to him but its not it makes me miss him more, i feel as if i cant enjoy myself because i feel guilty hes not there..

thanks for your time :)

x*x

Answer 1

i know how you feel. Someone close to me died 3 years ago, and i can't cope at times. the best thing to do is have a get together of everyone that was close to the person that died. Have a chat and ask people how they still feel. You might be surprised that other people are still grieving, they just don't let it show.

Instead of talking to him, why not write a letter. It's easier to say things in a letter. It will make you cry, but stay strong and pour your heart out onto paper. It will make you feel a lot better. Put the letter somewhere safe and try to forget about it.

Tell the people that you are close to that if you go all silent and withdrawn at times not to ask you what's wrong. explain to them that when you go all silent and withdrawn, ypu just want to be left alone (That is, if you do want to be left alone)

Answer 2

go to you tube.

luke kelly  the unquiet grave

listen  youll cry you will be cured

you will smile

Answer 3

This is a difficult one..

But what you need to ask yourself is:Would your friend want you to be still suffering over his passing? Would he want you crippled with grief? He would surely want a better life for you?

You need to now move on to the path of acceptance.And try to bring to mind some memories of happier times with him.

Try to think about him now as your guardian angel.Make him proud of you and how you live your life and what you will achieve in the future.

Take good care of yourself,love ella x x x

Answer 4

It is natural for you to grieve - it is all part of what makes us all human. You need to be able to move on with your own life - your friend would not want you to suffer because of what happened to him. You can remember him in positive ways - graves are depressing memorials - far better to celebrate what life he had, and what made him special to you. You will know from this how precious life is and how is it a crime to waste it worrying about what we can't change. It is time to get on with your life and realise it is no disrespect to your friend.

You may need grief counselling - you should talk to your GP. What you have been through is not something anyone can sensibly prepare for, but others have been through this and should be able to help.

Answer 5

My mom died 5 years ago and my husband died 3 years ago.  Grief is slow, but it does heal.  I don't know where you live, but see if there is a hospice nearby.  They offer free grief therapy to anyone, even if they didn't use hospice.  I'm not a crier, and didn't even cry much to my therapist (considering), but bawled like a baby in grief therapy.  I only had to go a few times to get the worst of it out.

Answer 6

you have not managed to move on in the healing process, and may need to see a counsellor. put yourself in your friend's place - would

you want them not getting on with their life???

i suggest you cut down the visits to the grave - not stop , and speak

to someone or buy a book about bereavement - there are many

stages sadness anger and finally acceptance. you will get there in

the end but you are just stuck at the beginning, whereas by now you

should be at acceptance stage. you will never forget but you can't bring

him back and you have to get on with your life.

please see someone and talk