Still have feelings for an ex?

Question

I dated a guy for 2 years who was fresh out of a divorce. It was just a fun thing at first for both of us. He didn't want a relationship because of his nasty marriage.

Then I met a guy and broke things off with him. He tried getting me to stay but I didn't know if I believed him. I felt like he was saying it because he was afraid of losing me. The new man and I actually moved along very quickly. We are now married with a 2 year old.

However, I still talk to my ex a lot. A few times a week. I miss him a lot and feel like I still love him. Sometimes I feel like I made the wrong decision. I often think about leaving my husband but that wouldn't be fair to our child. I still love my husband but the way you love a friend. There are no more sparks.

With the ex, I still get nervous and excited thinking about him. That might be different if we were together though.

What would you do?!?

Answer 1

I believe that there are some people you are attracted to, for whatever reason, but that doesn't mean you should be together in a relationship. Just keep those private thoughts to yourself. You know in your heart why a relationship with the ex won't work, you have already been there! Sometimes lust is better off left alone.

Answer 2

The grass always appears to be greener on the other side, but as to many people have discovered who are in similar situations as you, it is not!  If you were to live with, or marry your ex, things would be similar to your life with your current husband, maybe even worse? Let's say that you did get together with your ex, mark my words when all the newness wears off chances are high that you would turn the tables and be talking to your husband as if he were the love of your life. Stop talking to your ex and start talking to your current husband, the father of your child, the man with whom you vowed to stay with for the rest of your life, and you may rediscover that spark that you once had with him. Sometimes confused women are not so much in love with a person, but more in love with the idea of being in love.  

Answer 3

You say you don`t want to hurt the child. What about your husband? You are in a MARRIAGE. That takes work.Sparks just don`t happen, you have to remain creative, or any relationship will fail. You are looking to justify your feelings to leaving your husband and going back with the other guy. Leave your husband now, he deserves better than this.

Answer 4

You really want a solution: don't talk to your ex boyfriend anymore for 5 years.

Give your marriage all your attention, and fall in love with your husband again by behaving like his girlfriend.

What you feel for your ex is only a fantasy, the hope that he was going to be perfect. But he will have lots of annoying things that will bug you because he is not perfect, and you are not perfect, and your husband is not perfect. We all need to work on our little issues.

Get the book, The proper care and feeding of husbands,, by Dr. Laura. The book is a best seller. It will save your marriage and your family if that is what  you want.  

Answer 5

Don't talk to the ex.  You broke it off for a reason.  Humans have a way of 'idealizing' an ex, making them something they are not.  You probably would be able to make it work with the man you DECIDED to give your life too if the ex wasn't involved.  I realize you can't turn on and off feelings, but believe, the grass is very seldom greener on the other side.  Look at things in real time, NOT in the past.  Good luck.

Answer 6

It would be different the sparks are only still there with the other guy because you are not settled with him.

Answer 7

You should stop going behind your husbands back and talking to this old flame. I'm sure you have heard the grass is greener saying and it applies here. You owe it to your husband and child to make every attempt at making your marriage work.

Answer 8

The nervous excitement goes away for everyone. You and your husband are partners. Sometimes you will feel more friendship and other times more romantic. I think if you left your husband for the other man you would end up right where you are now, except with more problems because of shared custody. The other man needs to respect your choice of marriage and move on.  

Answer 9

Why is it that everyone feels that once that "nervous excitement" goes away, then it automatically means that the marriage must be over?  That spark is something you get with someone new. And to keep that spark, you need to keep finding new partners.  When you get married you will eventually lose that spark but you settle into something more deeper and everlasting.  You won't get the butterflies anymore, but you know I would much rather have a deeper love with a partner who is my friend then get those butterflies with a new partner every other year.

Answer 10

Stop talking to your ex.  That relationship did not go anywhere for a reason.  Trust your past judgment.  You have made your decisions and it is irresponsible and unfair to your marriage to be reconsidering them now.