Still having problems with my mother

Question

I asked this about 3 weeks ago

"I am 28 and have not spoken to my mother in 10 years, but recently I have decided to reopen contact with her. I am open to trying to form a relationship with my mother again, but she will not stop speaking down on the relationship I have with my husband. She is constantly telling me that I am in a bad marriage that will never work.

This coming from a woman who had a violent relationship with her husband all my life. They would yell, scream, and throw stuff at each other almost every day (but they NEVER abused us kids).

I am very, very happy in my marriage. I have a very loving relationship. I cherish my husband, and I am cherished. We have a very loving domestic discipline relationship. I stay at home and take care of the house while he works (more than enough to support us).

I have tried to convince her to stop, and have expressed my displeasure... What can I say to her to make her stop?"

She is still doing it, I am at my wits end... I am trying so hard to keep an open relationship with her and to repair the damage, but she just will not stop. I am about to cut off communications with her, again. I cannot stand this belittling and nit picking she is doing. Please, does any one have any advice?

Answer 1

she's your mother for Christ sakes love her! Ten years god forbid something would of happened to her within those ten years you could never forgive yourself. Shes your mother trust me your mother can't be much more worser than mine she's horrible lol but i love her and you should just do the same hey what can we do god gave us crazy mothers but just love her thats what i do just ignore her. people are telling u put her in her place blah blah blah this is your mom and don't listen to hypocritical advice because im sure if it were there mom they wouldn't give up and they would try to make it work.    

Answer 2

Stop arguing with your mother.  If you are indeed happy in your marriage then what your mother says wouldn't make a difference to you.  In otherwords...ignore her comments about your marriage.  By reacting you are appearing to be insecure about it.

Answer 3

If your mother was a snake 10 years ago, what did you expect to find when you invited her into your life now?  A butterfly?  She was a snake, is a snake and tomorrow she will be a snake.  You can't turn a snake into a butterfly....

Why be at your wit's end over this?  Were you hoping for the Lifetime Channel hugs and tears after the long absence?  That wasn't going to happen with this woman and you know that.  You know that.  You had this urgency to have a mother in your life when you opened up this box again and are now hurt and angry that instead you have a snake.  

Here's what you do.  For the sake of your husband, your sanity and your life: Put the snake in the box and never let it out again.  After all, a snake is a snake.

If you really need a mother and have a good mother-in-law, give her a call.  Let her know you're having a 'I need a mommy' moment and just want to hear her voice.  She'll love you for it and you'll feel better.  Good luck to you.

---First off, why so hostile?  You're acting like wanting a mommy is a terrible thing!  And yes, you wanted one.  After all, YOU opened the line of communication back up.  She didn't.  So, your siblings said they were different.  You are seeing she is not.  Now you know.  If the two of you are fine without parents then don't have parents.  Do what is best for you, not what you think is best for everyone else.

Answer 4

Your Mother wants you to feel miserable because she doesn't feel it's fair that you are happy with your marriage while her marriage, frankly, was a f*ck up.

She may also feel the need to break you guys up because she's paranoid that you will experience the same thing that she did.

I suggest sitting her down telling her you're happy and then if she keeps going at you guys, break contact with her and only call on special occasions.

Answer 5

You need to put her in place. Let her no that you are a grown woman. That your husband have nothing to do with her that is why he is your husband. Let her no is she wants to fix you guys relationship that she needs to stay in her place.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry for you. That's heartbreaking. Why do you think she insists on sabotaging your renewed relationship?

You have no control over what other people think, say or do. But you do have complete control over how you respond to her nitpicking. You also do not have to justify your relationship with your husband, or any aspect of your life, to her. Draw some boundaries for her and tell her quite clearly what you will and will not put up with.  Maybe she will see the light if she gets a wake up call from you, and tread more carefully. Hope things improve for you soon!