Still having trouble with me mother

Question

I asked this about 3 weeks ago

"I am 28 and have not spoken to my mother in 10 years, but recently I have decided to reopen contact with her. I am open to trying to form a relationship with my mother again, but she will not stop speaking down on the relationship I have with my husband. She is constantly telling me that I am in a bad marriage that will never work.

This coming from a woman who had a violent relationship with her husband all my life. They would yell, scream, and throw stuff at each other almost every day (but they NEVER abused us kids).

I am very, very happy in my marriage. I have a very loving relationship. I cherish my husband, and I am cherished. We have a very loving domestic discipline relationship. I stay at home and take care of the house while he works (more than enough to support us).

I have tried to convince her to stop, and have expressed my displeasure... What can I say to her to make her stop?"

She is still doing it, I am at my wits end... I am trying so hard to keep an open relationship with her and to repair the damage, but she just will not stop. I am about to cut off communications with her, again. I cannot stand this belittling and nit picking she is doing. Please, does any one have any advice?

Answer 1

Hi there,

i went through something similar with my mum. but she now backed off as we have been together for 12 years....Have you told your mum that whenever she says negative things about your relationship that she hurts you.....if she does not respond to this....you need to keep the visits short.....speak to her over the phone if you cannot stand the negative words she spews, in front of you.

Call her for a quick catch-up..how are you? bla bla bla and then you know that she is okay and your mind is at rest....at least you have kept the lines of communication open without the bad words.

has she any valid suspicions for disliking your husband??? does she know something?? maybe she wants to be invited into your home to experience how you behave in your home...she may not be used to the nice behaviour in your home....

try not to repair the past just move forward and try to build up comms via the phone...

i hope this helps

M

x x

Answer 2

this is easy................she's bitter.  

Answer 3

She is trying to control you by speaking ill of your relationship.  She must not know any other way to get close to you.  What I would do is this:  I would tell her how you are feeling, and that you are trying real hard to have a functional relationship with her, but that if things remain the same, she will never get to see her grandkids.  If she doesn't care about that, then she will never really care.  Your situation sounds tough.  Just remember that you are trying to do the right thing and if she won't bend because she is too stubborn, then you've done your part and the ball is in her court.  You are brave.  Take care and stay strong.  Good luck.