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Story idea comments?

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Now please give this a chance. It is not another g*y/romance/action vampire book. It is more deep thought and religious. Remember it is only an idea and has not been written in any way except right here. Please give me advise and criticism. thanks

A short while before Christ was born, Lucifer was starting a war in heaven, gathering as many angels as he could to control heave. God told an angel that the only way to banish Lucifer was to pierce his heart with a sword that he forged. The angel took the sword and went to Satan and stabbed through his heart. As he pulled out the sword, three drops of blood dropped from the blade and fell to the Earth and landing on three unsuspecting people.

The first was a mentally retarded adult who survived using his vehemence strength to do work on a farm. The next fell on an aristocratic man who received whatever he desired through his wealth and power. The last fell on a feral eighteen year old boy who had lived in the wilderness for years after his village was raided and burned.

After they were touch with the unholy blood, they transformed into terrible creatures and left society.

The worker became completely absentminded, but his strength grew to immense proportions he was called the Baron-ghul. The aristocrat became quick, strong, and cunning, he was called the Leon-ghul. The boy succumbed to the evil and let it transform him into an predator. Quicker than any other, but weaker and couldn't be controlled in any way, He was called the Morn-ghul. They reproduced by infecting victims with their saliva or blood

Although they were abominations, God still loved them and felt responsible for their being, so he would use them to plague evil nations and keep the mindless Baron-ghuls in check. Thousands of years later, the Morn-ghuls have learned better self control and the Leon-ghul have become much more powerful. The Baron-ghul were destroyed years before because they were becoming to powerful for even the almighty to control. Now, the Leon-ghul have become arrogant of their duty to keep balance of evil and have systematically destroyed colonies of Morn-ghuls. The Morn-ghuls havestarted to fight back and the story revolves around a nameless Morn-ghul trying to recruit humans and explain their past history as "God's blade"

I just thought of this one day, and really like the concept. I would like the story to go into more detail of their current and past conflicts. please give me some pointers

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4 ANSWERS


  1. An actual breath of fresh air. On YAHOO, no less.

    Yes, I like it, I think it sounds good, though the war is a bit difficult to understand after a couple of sentences, but this is just a summary, so it dosent really matter that it's confusing, because you can remedy that.  


  2. Sounds interesting.  Go for it.

  3. Sounds good to me, I'd like to read more. Are you on any writing sites? I'm on http://chapteread.com They have cool features. worth checking out!! and good luck.

  4. that's really cool and very original! congrats!

    there's just two points i want to make

    1. the angel that kills Satan should of course be Micheal, the Arch-Angel. i don't know if you know that or not so I'm just making sure.

    2. having the ghuls on the end of all three names might make it a little confusing and hard to remember which is which so i would say that in the story, casually call them the Morns, or the Leons instead of saying ghul everytime\

    hope it goes well! good luck
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