I am in deep ****, entirely due to my own fault.
I am a g*y and am not come out, I'm 19 and am currently in a straight relationship. And I want out.
I don't want to be g*y. For about four months now I've been going out with one of my friend's friends, she fell for me and we made out whilst drunk. Bad, I know, but I've never had any sexual experience of any kind before (not even kissing) and I didn't want to reject her advances as I'd seem g*y. I know three friends who fancy her and she is apparently really hot, by straight standards. When the relationship started, I thought maybe I'd become straight because she was so hot, stupid I know. But we've gone in deeper and I have no feelings for her whatsoever; the whole thing is very superficial, shes always coming onto me and kissing me and feeling me and I return it but I rarely get turned on but I feel bad because she's always telling me she loves me and how much she wants me whenever we're making out. When we first started going out I (reluctantly) was meeting up with her every other day and each day ended up with us making out or passionately kissing and dirty talk. Now, the bomb dropped about a week ago when she whispered in my ear how badly she wanted to **** me and invited me back to hers for the night. I declined and made excuses as I simply cannot get it up and the thought of s*x repulsed me. I am a virgin. I felt really bad as she seemed really upset and only came onto me harder for the rest of the day. She seems besotten with me and I feel like absolute **** because I let this happen because I was interested in a straight relationship as I hate the thought of a g*y relationship (especially how people would judge me) and I thought since she was so 'hot' maybe it'd still be possible for us to have a relationship. But theres no connection. Please help me, I have no idea what to do :( I want to break up, but I feel terrible because she seems to like me so much and her best friend told me she always talks about me. I feel f()cking terrible and I just want out, without hurting her feelings. How do I break it to her? I've decided if I do get out of this I will come out, but I don't want to embarrass her that she's been going out with a g*y guy. Please, any advice appreciated!
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