Strained relatioship with parents?

Question

My mother and i hate each other. She claims i'm not worthy of being treated like an adult because i have lied to her on several occasions. She says she does not trust me.I did lie to her about seeing a guy and i lied to her again about where i was to go hang out with friends...I am 21 years old mind you.

I have tried doing things her way. I call and check in with her. I tell her everywhere im going and who i'm going to be with. I even ask her if i can go out. Lately i have stopped doing this all together because no matter what i do i catch c**p and she just doesn't ever trust me...i've given up and i don't really care anymore to fix this...i am exausted!!! I am trying my hardest to move out even tho i actually can't really afford it and the soonest i can move is in 9 months when i've finished school.

What can i do or ask of her to just keep the peace untill then and not go completely insane or drive her completely insane....

Answer 1

Well, to start off with, why not act like an adult?  Lying is childish and immature.  You are 21 years old and can make your own decisions, but you don't stand up for the decisions you have made because you lie about who you are with and where you are.

You have lost your mom's trust because of your childish actions and trust isn't something that is easy to get back.  You've got your work cut out for you.

You should try to mend the relationship with your mother by sitting down with her and talking to her about the real reasons you lied to her.  Keep your emotions and you attitude in check when you talk to her, even if she flies off the handle.  Remember, the idea is to SHOW your mother YOU are mature.  Be prepared for what you're going to say, even practice so you can keep your cool.  Come up with some solutions on your own and pitch them to her.  Be open to compromise and use that as a tool to mend your relationship.

Tell your mom how you are going to get her trust back and ask her to give you a chance to prove to her that you are mature enough to make GOOD decisions and conduct yourself as an adult.  Then, follow through.  Keep your grades up and be reasonable with your social activities.  Help around the house without being asked and keep up with your stuff (laundry, keeping your room clean, cleaning up after yourself and your guests, etc.).  You may have to make some sacrifices early on, but it will be worth it in the end.

I really hope this helps.  It sucks to have problems with parents.

ADDED: Hey!  Saw the update and I don't think you should give up just yet.  Sit down with your mother and ask her what you can do to make your relationship with her better if you haven't asked her already.  Sometimes putting the responsibility back on her can help.  Tell her you feel like giving up because nothing you do seems good enough for her.  Tell her you don't want to be one of those daughters that hates her mother for not forgiving her and giving her a second chance, but you are starting to lean in that direction.

Answer 2

So you're 21 year old and has a mind of your own so why lie. you can go hang out with your friends and have boyfriend. maybe your mom just want to know where you go or what you do.sometimes we thought that when we are already adult we ignore our mothers,maybe your mother is just upset because you always lie. try to talk to her and start a new mother daughter relationship minus the lies. you are getting older so as your mom so dont do thing that you might regret later. life is short they say.i hope that it will end well.

Answer 3

You have to make sacrifices. I mean not going out when she knows your going to. Suprise her stay at home and chill out like a monday. Do that a few times, let her catch you studying at off times when you would usually b on the phone or tv. You got to change up the routine so your ot an easy target for her to take her frustations out.At 21 your less of a daughter and more like a younger sister to your mom sounds funny but it works. Think throw her for a loop, a good one not a mass arguement blow out sale. One Love

Answer 4

You are 21 and living at home, and she is putting it to you, probably for your own good:  Reminding you what it means to be a girl, a daughter, and not an indeopendent adult.  You'll have to put up with that until you move out.  It must be embarassing for an adult to have to tell he rmother where you are going, but you do owe her the truth. Sever those ties.  Good luck.